"Joostgate"

I've just watched the 'sex tape' that is "Joostgate". It starts with the woman getting the camera ready and then moving into the room where 'Joost' (I'm still not convinced it's him... this guy looks like he has a butt chin) is. The majority of the footage is of her ass, his hairy leg and black sock, set to terrible background music (think Afrikaans music and 80's rock... ugh!). Later in the video, she says that she is not a "hoer" (whore for those who don't speak Afrikaans). But I beg to differ and will prove that she is in fact a prostitute...


1. Her ringtone... shocking! Only a prostitute can get away with such a ringtone! "Suck it, lick it..."
2. She wears a g-string under lacy pink panties. Only prostitutes (and strippers) do this
3. She has a belly chain and has a tramp stamp (seperately, they're tolerable, but together... no)
4. She has at least 4 sex toys in her bag, all different kinds of vibrators, all different shapes and sizes. And that's only what you see!
5. She says she is not a whore... Who you trying to convince?

The 'act' takes place first on a skanky futon and then on the floor. Tacky! If you're going to make a sex tape, do it somewhere classy or at least on a bed or something! So they do some drugs, she talks far too much (thought they got paid to do other stuff?), and there is some sort of action, but nothing worth writing home about.

In the video, you see him in his tightey whitey's and i must say it is quite large... Impressive even! But you don't see the 'nuts and bolts' because a black square seems to follow his member...
Quite uncalled for as they warn viewers and say no under 18's. Doesn;t that mean you can show it all??

And then it seems to be over. My brother and i discussed the video and there is some footage missing. You don't see the actual sex or his butt tattoo. We must've missed it in the missing 3 minutes of the tape...

So all in all i am quite unsatisfied, a sex tape should be a SEX TAPE! They should get tips from Paris Hilton

Oh the horror!

As you know, it's winter. On top of this I'm single. This all equates to unshaven legs. What is the point if there is no one else's comfort or impressions to take into consideration?

Anyway, yesterday I go off to gym and meet my friend John there for a bit of a workout. I go into the change room all amped and ready. I open my gym bag, pull out my gym pants and look at them wondering where the rest of them went. Turns out I packed short (only used in summer) gym pants. Not so bad… until I remembered I haven’t shaved my legs in a few weeks. Aaarrggghhh!

And I'm not giving up my parking spot at the front of the gym to go home and get another pair! So I suck it up and put them on. Even I was shocked by the state of my legs! I also decided to leave my normal black socks on instead of changing into little gym socks… anything to limit the amount of leg sticking out! So yes, I looked like a huge tosser! I'm too old to carry off a 'grungy' look!

But the worst part is that a girl (I think she was a girl… Amazon woman rather) walks up to a locker behind me and I notice she has a moustache and smoother legs than me! Oh the shame!

In the end I decided to draw more attention to my boobs hoping no one would notice my legs. I think it worked!

Needless to say, when I got home I shaved! It was time….

And in other news, one of my best friends, Sue, got engaged last night! It's been coming and I'm so happy for her!

I will soon be making my own version of "27 Dresses"….

Drama, drama, drama!

Why do people need drama? What is the point of making things complicated and seemingly out of control?

I know we are all prone to a bit of drama, (I have been known to get quite dramatic when i tell people I am going to start riding a bicycle to work because of the high petrol prices) after all it makes life a bit more exciting and sometimes helps get your point across, but ALL the time? Doesn’t it get tiring?

We all know people like this who blow things way out of proportion. Is it just me or does it get very old very quickly? Is it worth the effort?

I once knew someone who thought everything was a huge drama. Almost every word that came out of her mouth was either negative or venting with a lot of huffing and puffing thrown in. The smallest thing, good or bad, would be blown out of proportion into a monster of a problem, centring around her. She would go on for days about this alleged injustice that had the potential to ruin her entire life or until the next bit of unfairness came along. Such a cruel world!! A classic example of making mountains out of mole hills. And no, it’s not about you! (Watch out for sarcastic comments)

I think it's just easier to just go with the flow and vent and perform if the need really arises, like when you drive into the back of someone by mistake or lose a toe in a freak skiing accident. Now that's drama worthy!

Sigh… I just don’t get it… it makes me tired just thinking about it.

What's Karma all about?

I am a firm believer in karma. It's everywhere… that much is obvious (to me at least). But my question is… what the hell is up with mine??

I was the lucky witness to a very fitting "what goes around comes around" in about April. Someone who (refer back to the totally crazy posts I have written in the past – when the happy pills were letting me down… that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it!) hurt me last year, got it back threefold. Yes, that's right, threefold! The first time I heard I found it extremely satisfactory! The third time I heard of the same thing happening to this person (who seems to be a sucker for punishment) I was a bit bored.

But it all got me thinking that perhaps my karma was turning around and that I had a clean record again after the hurt I had caused over the years (though I wasn't fully aware of it at the time, or didn’t want to be). Alas, it seems this is not so! Maybe good karma has passed me by or has just given up on me?

Someone I know who I have recently discovered has been lying and been doing all sorts of bad things has met someone great and is super happy. So where is karma here? Don’t you have to do good and be a good person to get it back? Kind of like a reward scheme… I am very confused! I like to think I do good and have calmed down a whole lot and mended my bad ways. So? Where is it? Huh? Huh?

Maybe if I donated a kidney…?

Who invented spam?

Luckily, we have a spam filter at work. Every day at 12:00 we get our Quarantine Summary, with the emails that don't get through.

Sometimes it is stuff that should be getting through, like daily newsletters or email from people whose addresses seem suspect. But inevitably most of it is crap.

Some examples of email I have been sent include:
Gain your true length easily
Try and you will be pleasantly surprised
Bring joy and happiness to your bed - new bed linen?
Get a monstrous-sized pecker now - Monstrous? Could be worth a look...
Give her a rockin time
Plunge your meat into her - Um... no thanks!
stronger ejaculations - So you can make her hit the ceiling... literally?
Don't be embarassed by the size of your manhood - if you respond to this, you should be embarrassed!
Pink, wet and tight - i don't think they're talking about clothes...

So there's a little bit of everything for, well, men.

But do people actually try these things? Do they work? How desperate do you need to be?

Things I just don't understand

I was sitting in traffic for 1 1/2 hours today - the main traffic lights were out - and started wondering about certain things.

First, if there is a queue of cars, rolling down a hill (as I do every day), do you think we're there because we don't know better? You'll always find someone who isn't used to this traffic who will do a U-turn and try a different route usually through the suburbs. But, the reason we stay on the main road is that there is no such thing as a short cut in peak traffic. It just means that you have to tolerate the same traffic, in a different setting but with more stop streets. Eventually you're going to end up on the same road and probably further back than if you were just patient.

Secondly, why do people get upset when in the left hand lane a taxi stops in front of them? This is what they do! It is to be expected! If you're driving behind a taxi, it will stop. So why get upset, hoot and make a performance, if you know it's coming?

Thirdly, why are people allowed to get away with blatant child abuse by making their children wear Crocs?? It's bad enough that adults actually choose to wear them (and decorate them with 'jewellery') but why must they make their children wear them?? I know that children don't always know better and don't have much say up to a certain age, but why abuse them like this? What happened to the days of just dressing your children the same? Believe me, when they're old enough they will hate you for the Crocs incident!

There are far more things I don't understand but these are the ones that really stood out this morning.

Load shedding

I am at work, waiting for the effects of the latest load shed to wear off. We have load shedding twice a week between 10am and 2pm. Not the most convenient time for the biggest business centre in the country, but who said there was any reasoning behind the timing by Eskom?

So due to this phenomenon, we have a huge generator in the basement. A generator that overheated and burnt out! I was in the middle of a video conference that still had another hour and a half to go, so luckily that ended!
It did give us a taste of what other businesses in the area go through, when we don't even notice the switch over from Eskom to generator.

But now the other side of this is that they load shed in my area from 6pm to 10pm. Yes... prime TV time and a time where you need electricity to do most things!

I experienced this load shedding at home for the first time last Thursday. I was bored out of my mind after 5 minutes, after which I proceeded to try and irritate the hell out of my cat. Another 5 minutes down... 3 hours 50 minutes to go.... luckily, I had book club to go to!

It happened again on Tuesday evening. I then had an excuse to get pizza (wood-burning ovens are awesome!). The DVD shop next door was also open... how does that work?? But after eating and talking crap with my housemate and a quick shower, I still had 2 hours left... so i did some work on my laptop! So sad! Bored enough at home at night to do work. Sigh....

The next load shed is going to be on Saturday evening. Guess I'll be forced to go out, to ensure I keep my mental faculties in tact.

Suppose I should find something to do that doesn't require electricity to keep boredom at bay... but what??