Meet my Daughter – A GOAT!
“This woman has a loving relationship – in fact a mother-and-daughter relationship – with a goat!”
This lady (Dorris) has been raising this goat (named Nosisi) since the day after she was born. The goat watches TV, tries to answer the phone and goes to sleep after 8 pm on it’s own mattress. Dorris even believes the goat is trying to speak! “Nosisi said ‘Maaa’ when she saw me!” “I know people will say this is a cock and bull story, yet white people have relationships with animals and nothing is ever said!” Nosisi eats cornflakes in the morning and an apple, and then drinks milk from a baby bottle. Nosisi also ahs a good relationship with Dorris’ boyfriend…. (that’s just dodgy!!) And she would never eat the goat if it died, it would get a proper funeral.
Saved by my dead Gogo!
A man (who looks like a very stoned Rasta) was driving a ‘huge digging machine’ that fell into a deep hole (but not deep enough for it to actually disappear, it only fell about 3m). He thought he was going to die, but screamed his dead gogo’s name “as he plunged into the depths’ – and he lived!” WOW! Amazing!
These people and stories NEVER cease to amaze me!
Showing posts with label Daily dose of Madness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Daily dose of Madness. Show all posts
Monday, 23 April 2007
Wednesday, 18 April 2007
Daily Dose of Madness!
CROWD BURNS EVIL CLOTHES!
A man allegedly killed his father. When the residents of the area saw him in court two weeks later, he was wearing different clothes to those he was arrested in. They broke into his house and took his clothes and burned them on the spot where he killed his father. His clothes are apparently evil because someone brought him a change of clothing. Huh?
THEY DUG HER UP BUT SHE WAS STILL DEAD…
A family dug up the body of a dead relative six months after they buried her, convinced she would come back to life. And guess what… she didn’t! And now the family is going to court. “Even Jesus Christ rose after 3 days, not 6 months! Said magistrate Sam Nkuna “So where did you hear such miracles could happen to a badly decomposed corpse?”
I AM NOT FLYING GOGO!
The lady who was accused of being the “Flying Gogo” (see earlier posts) wants people to stop accusing her of being the “flying gogo”. Apparently she is being mistaken for the ‘flying gogo’ and being accused of being a witch. Her husband says he would never allow her to be a witch.
A man allegedly killed his father. When the residents of the area saw him in court two weeks later, he was wearing different clothes to those he was arrested in. They broke into his house and took his clothes and burned them on the spot where he killed his father. His clothes are apparently evil because someone brought him a change of clothing. Huh?
THEY DUG HER UP BUT SHE WAS STILL DEAD…
A family dug up the body of a dead relative six months after they buried her, convinced she would come back to life. And guess what… she didn’t! And now the family is going to court. “Even Jesus Christ rose after 3 days, not 6 months! Said magistrate Sam Nkuna “So where did you hear such miracles could happen to a badly decomposed corpse?”
I AM NOT FLYING GOGO!
The lady who was accused of being the “Flying Gogo” (see earlier posts) wants people to stop accusing her of being the “flying gogo”. Apparently she is being mistaken for the ‘flying gogo’ and being accused of being a witch. Her husband says he would never allow her to be a witch.
Tuesday, 17 April 2007
Daily Dose of Madness!
HORNY TOKOLOSHE FINDS ME SEXY!
I kid you not! Apparently this guy has been sursed. He walks around the streets naked because the tokoloshe told him how sexy he looks naked. According to a relative, “Now he say he doesn’t want sex with the ugly tokoloshe anymore, but when he refuses, it holds him down!”
WTF??
NEVER PINCH A LADY COP’S BUM!
A guy grabbed the bum of a female cop. When she turned around to defend herself, he grabbed her around the neck. When reinforcements arrived and arrested him, he peed in his pants. “The guy apologised to the female cop and tears streamed down his face along with the pee down his legs”.
You CAN”T make this stuff up!!
I kid you not! Apparently this guy has been sursed. He walks around the streets naked because the tokoloshe told him how sexy he looks naked. According to a relative, “Now he say he doesn’t want sex with the ugly tokoloshe anymore, but when he refuses, it holds him down!”
WTF??
NEVER PINCH A LADY COP’S BUM!
A guy grabbed the bum of a female cop. When she turned around to defend herself, he grabbed her around the neck. When reinforcements arrived and arrested him, he peed in his pants. “The guy apologised to the female cop and tears streamed down his face along with the pee down his legs”.
You CAN”T make this stuff up!!
Monday, 16 April 2007
Daily Dose of Madness!
VOICE FROM THE GRAVE
Dead man causes chaos at his own funeral!
“Dig me up and do it again, he said AND SO THEY DID!”
First he didn’t want a coffin. Then he was facing the wrong way!
First, they buried the wrong body. Two days later, they tried again, with the right body. But then, a cold wind sprang up and Mike spoke to them from the grave… saying they were not following his last wishes on earth!
At the actual burial, two 18 year olds went into a trance at the graveside. The mourners didn’t believe them when they said they had to take him out if the coffin, until a sweeping southerly wind started blowing and threw the funeral into a panic. “They frantically ripped the coffin apart and rolled out Mike’s body, wrapped it up in a blanket”.
Apparently Mike wasn’t happy with the design of his grave and being buried in a coffin or the way he was facing.
Talk about high maintenance!
Have you noticed how every headline ends with "!"?
Dead man causes chaos at his own funeral!
“Dig me up and do it again, he said AND SO THEY DID!”
First he didn’t want a coffin. Then he was facing the wrong way!
First, they buried the wrong body. Two days later, they tried again, with the right body. But then, a cold wind sprang up and Mike spoke to them from the grave… saying they were not following his last wishes on earth!
At the actual burial, two 18 year olds went into a trance at the graveside. The mourners didn’t believe them when they said they had to take him out if the coffin, until a sweeping southerly wind started blowing and threw the funeral into a panic. “They frantically ripped the coffin apart and rolled out Mike’s body, wrapped it up in a blanket”.
Apparently Mike wasn’t happy with the design of his grave and being buried in a coffin or the way he was facing.
Talk about high maintenance!
Have you noticed how every headline ends with "!"?
Thursday, 12 April 2007
Daily dose of COMPLETE madness!!
The best headline in the Daily Sun is "I vomit talking frogs!" This woman is apparently possessed and while the sangoma is trying to rid her of the demons. The demons are live frogs, cockroaches, grasshoppers and snails that she vomits up. The frogs speak to her in isiZulu and tell her where they come form (usually from graves). This lady has previously been in a mental institution.... I wonder why???
Thursday, 5 April 2007
Daily dose of madness - Thursday
This newspaper just keeps getting better and better! It seem though that i have become a bit of a smut junkie now! It's sad, i know, but strangely enjoyable....
"THE GOGO WHO FELL TO EARTH!"
In this story an old lady (miraculously) said she was flying through the sky and crash landed in a yard. Of course, this is the only explanation as to how she got into the yard, surrounded by a 1,8m fence. And naturally the crowd that gathered outside the fence shouted that she should be killed (as you do when you see a flying granny!)
"GUY'S FOOT SNAPS OFF" This guy fell and his foot snapped off...
"HAWKERS SELL TOILET BREAD" In this fascinating story, hawkers are keeping bread loaves cool in public toilets! Now this is a tad misleading... they keep it in the cubicle not the actual toilet.
"THE GOGO WHO FELL TO EARTH!"
In this story an old lady (miraculously) said she was flying through the sky and crash landed in a yard. Of course, this is the only explanation as to how she got into the yard, surrounded by a 1,8m fence. And naturally the crowd that gathered outside the fence shouted that she should be killed (as you do when you see a flying granny!)
"GUY'S FOOT SNAPS OFF" This guy fell and his foot snapped off...
"HAWKERS SELL TOILET BREAD" In this fascinating story, hawkers are keeping bread loaves cool in public toilets! Now this is a tad misleading... they keep it in the cubicle not the actual toilet.
Wednesday, 4 April 2007
Daily headlines
The Daily Sun hasn't arrived in the office yet. BUT the Citizen is carrying a very interetsing headline today... "Lesbians make it Kosher" Very eye-catching!! The story is about a jewish lesbian couple that tied the knot at a traditional Jewish wedding ceremony at Old Eds in Houghton.
As soon as I get the Daily Sun though, i will post their most bizarre yet strangely intersting story!
As soon as I get the Daily Sun though, i will post their most bizarre yet strangely intersting story!
Daily dose of madness
The Daily Sun has arrived!
First off… there is a picture of a dead guy on the front page, who was killed by a mob. Not really what I want to look at while eating my Strawberry Pops!
But moving along, here are today's best headlines!
The Grab of Life! Woman's handful beats off rapist! This woman grabbed her would-be rapists penis and made his scream like a girl, thereby alerting her neighbours.
Similar story to yesterday, where a 'gogo' did the same thing and squeezed it until he passed out. Nice!!
Man has sex with a donkey!
A 21 year old man was caught naked, having sex with a donkey near Tzaneen. "Mopani Police Superintendent Moatshe Ngoepe said that there is an increase in the number of bestiality cases. ' Livestock owners are warned to look after their animals. Mainly goats have been victimized for sex, but now it is donkeys. This is quite abnormal.'" Really? You think so???
Cops hunt sex beast's cronies
Tragedy hits man twice!
This poor guy lost his wife and then his car! What is a man to do?
First off… there is a picture of a dead guy on the front page, who was killed by a mob. Not really what I want to look at while eating my Strawberry Pops!
But moving along, here are today's best headlines!
The Grab of Life! Woman's handful beats off rapist! This woman grabbed her would-be rapists penis and made his scream like a girl, thereby alerting her neighbours.
Similar story to yesterday, where a 'gogo' did the same thing and squeezed it until he passed out. Nice!!
Man has sex with a donkey!
A 21 year old man was caught naked, having sex with a donkey near Tzaneen. "Mopani Police Superintendent Moatshe Ngoepe said that there is an increase in the number of bestiality cases. ' Livestock owners are warned to look after their animals. Mainly goats have been victimized for sex, but now it is donkeys. This is quite abnormal.'" Really? You think so???
Cops hunt sex beast's cronies
Tragedy hits man twice!
This poor guy lost his wife and then his car! What is a man to do?
Tuesday, 3 April 2007
Daily dose of madness - 3 April 07
I have decided to include a daily feature on my blog. It will be the best headlines in the Daily Sun newspaper. This newspaper is hilarious! The stories border on ridiculous and they will write about anything.
Now I am not trying to judge people and their beliefs in witchcraft or their lack of education about certain things. I am just pointing out that life could be worse and luckily we (i assume) don't need to add witchcraft etc to our list of worries and issues.
Today's Headline:
FAMILY'S TERROR OF THE DEVIL DOLL FOUND IN THEIR GARDEN!
"There was an evil doll - only 45 cm high - which the Mbeles think was put there to bring death to their house!
In fact the shocked family think it may be the Tokoloshe put there to finish off a sick relative who lives with them."
According to the traditional healer they hired, it doesn't look like the Tokoloshe (he knows what it is supposed to look like) and it doesn't breathe or show any sign of being alive.
Interesting.....
Now I am not trying to judge people and their beliefs in witchcraft or their lack of education about certain things. I am just pointing out that life could be worse and luckily we (i assume) don't need to add witchcraft etc to our list of worries and issues.
Today's Headline:
FAMILY'S TERROR OF THE DEVIL DOLL FOUND IN THEIR GARDEN!
"There was an evil doll - only 45 cm high - which the Mbeles think was put there to bring death to their house!
In fact the shocked family think it may be the Tokoloshe put there to finish off a sick relative who lives with them."
According to the traditional healer they hired, it doesn't look like the Tokoloshe (he knows what it is supposed to look like) and it doesn't breathe or show any sign of being alive.
Interesting.....
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