Ok…. This post will be a sort of update on some previous posts. Regarding the ATNA post, the buy mentioned FINALLY came through and acted out some of the talk. Much to my relief… J But I think that will be that, since there is no more to really be left to the imagination or to be written about. So consider it closed and filed away under “Been there, done that”.
I have also got my car back. I have to admit I did miss her (even if she is possessed). She is looking very red and shiny! When I went to pick her up, I had to do the obligatory walk around, make sure everything looked fine. But considering the state she was in the last time I saw her, almost anything looks better! All I need is 2 headlights intact and a bumper and nothing pushing my engine back and I’m happy! Easy to please, I know. But alas, it was not to be perfect. The left headlight wasn’t sitting right and the bonnet was sitting a bit squiff. So, back she goes on Thursday for a tweak and hopefully that’ll be that. On the way home from the panel beaters, I gave her a bit of a talking to and explained that although we have had a few fun years together, it was time for me to move on (to a car that is hopefully not possessed)
It really was great to be able to drive myself out for dinner! I am totally grateful that my parents are retired and go on holiday almost every weekend. I borrowed my mother’s car on weekends and enjoyed the semblance of independence. But nothing beats driving your own car, and not feeling like a bit of a fraud in a BMW.
The BMW is great, it has a TV, front loader and GPS in case I ever wondered exactly which street I was on and what my altitude and precise map location was. But… it’s an automatic. It really takes the mindless contentment of changing gears, using a clutch and coasting down hills in neutral out of the equation. I did once try the neutral thing, but forgot to put the car in drive to pull off again. That car can rev! It was embarrassing….
So that’s my news! I’m off to the South Coast on Saturday morning at sparrow’s fart, for a long weekend of relaxing and chilling with 7 boys and enjoying some good quality man eye candy spotting – this ALWAYS works well in a group!
I will write again upon my return!
Thursday, 26 April 2007
Tuesday, 24 April 2007
Karma...
I have been thinking about this whole karma thing of late. Is it a full pakage or do different things affect different areas? Are there categories? Relationship karma? General life karma? What's the deal?
I know all about bad relationship karma. I have been trying to get back into the good karma balance for a while now. Of course I do deserve a lot of the bad relationship karma going all the way back to high school. I was never a good girlfriend! And I guess it all came back to bite me in the ass. But I think it’s almost done. I really hope it is!
In the general karma department, I don’t see why I should have bad karma… I do charity work, I try to be nice to people, I pay my taxes and let people into the traffic (when I have a car). So why now, have I had such bad luck driving – only in the last 6 months, when I have had a licence for 11 years? I also got a speeding fine, (my secind in 11 years) on William Nicol, on the way to where I had my accident, the week before. Guns ‘n Roses cancelled and I have been dying to see them live since I was 14. My toilet seat has broken in half (while I was sitting on it – I got quite a fright!). And my cupboards have become infested with weevils and I have had to throw out every single wheat related product.
Now I understand that things could be much worse! I won’t jinx myself and put them in writing.
But is it bad karma or a situation of “When it rains, it pours”? What is to be done to remedy this? Should I do even more charity work? Take in strays (animals not men)? Become a Buddhist or vegetarian? Who knows???
Maybe once I get my car back, things will go back to normal, or when I buy a new one. Perhaps my car is possessed and I should get the Daily Sun to do a story on it… maybe they throw in a free sangoma to exorcise the demons…
I know all about bad relationship karma. I have been trying to get back into the good karma balance for a while now. Of course I do deserve a lot of the bad relationship karma going all the way back to high school. I was never a good girlfriend! And I guess it all came back to bite me in the ass. But I think it’s almost done. I really hope it is!
In the general karma department, I don’t see why I should have bad karma… I do charity work, I try to be nice to people, I pay my taxes and let people into the traffic (when I have a car). So why now, have I had such bad luck driving – only in the last 6 months, when I have had a licence for 11 years? I also got a speeding fine, (my secind in 11 years) on William Nicol, on the way to where I had my accident, the week before. Guns ‘n Roses cancelled and I have been dying to see them live since I was 14. My toilet seat has broken in half (while I was sitting on it – I got quite a fright!). And my cupboards have become infested with weevils and I have had to throw out every single wheat related product.
Now I understand that things could be much worse! I won’t jinx myself and put them in writing.
But is it bad karma or a situation of “When it rains, it pours”? What is to be done to remedy this? Should I do even more charity work? Take in strays (animals not men)? Become a Buddhist or vegetarian? Who knows???
Maybe once I get my car back, things will go back to normal, or when I buy a new one. Perhaps my car is possessed and I should get the Daily Sun to do a story on it… maybe they throw in a free sangoma to exorcise the demons…
Monday, 23 April 2007
Daily dose of madness - 23 April 07
Meet my Daughter – A GOAT!
“This woman has a loving relationship – in fact a mother-and-daughter relationship – with a goat!”
This lady (Dorris) has been raising this goat (named Nosisi) since the day after she was born. The goat watches TV, tries to answer the phone and goes to sleep after 8 pm on it’s own mattress. Dorris even believes the goat is trying to speak! “Nosisi said ‘Maaa’ when she saw me!” “I know people will say this is a cock and bull story, yet white people have relationships with animals and nothing is ever said!” Nosisi eats cornflakes in the morning and an apple, and then drinks milk from a baby bottle. Nosisi also ahs a good relationship with Dorris’ boyfriend…. (that’s just dodgy!!) And she would never eat the goat if it died, it would get a proper funeral.
Saved by my dead Gogo!
A man (who looks like a very stoned Rasta) was driving a ‘huge digging machine’ that fell into a deep hole (but not deep enough for it to actually disappear, it only fell about 3m). He thought he was going to die, but screamed his dead gogo’s name “as he plunged into the depths’ – and he lived!” WOW! Amazing!
These people and stories NEVER cease to amaze me!
“This woman has a loving relationship – in fact a mother-and-daughter relationship – with a goat!”
This lady (Dorris) has been raising this goat (named Nosisi) since the day after she was born. The goat watches TV, tries to answer the phone and goes to sleep after 8 pm on it’s own mattress. Dorris even believes the goat is trying to speak! “Nosisi said ‘Maaa’ when she saw me!” “I know people will say this is a cock and bull story, yet white people have relationships with animals and nothing is ever said!” Nosisi eats cornflakes in the morning and an apple, and then drinks milk from a baby bottle. Nosisi also ahs a good relationship with Dorris’ boyfriend…. (that’s just dodgy!!) And she would never eat the goat if it died, it would get a proper funeral.
Saved by my dead Gogo!
A man (who looks like a very stoned Rasta) was driving a ‘huge digging machine’ that fell into a deep hole (but not deep enough for it to actually disappear, it only fell about 3m). He thought he was going to die, but screamed his dead gogo’s name “as he plunged into the depths’ – and he lived!” WOW! Amazing!
These people and stories NEVER cease to amaze me!
How to go about the pickup - for the girls
I’ve touched on what men need to not do, but there is always a flip side! Girls…. We’ve all been guilty of a couple of these little mistakes….
1. Never talk about marriage and kids when attempting to pick up a man! This makes them very nervous! The thought of meeting someone who is already inserting them into wedding pictures and family albums may be too much for a man to handle, they are quite delicate sometimes. They see their futures flashing before their eyes and it includes something close to incarceration.
2. Don’t talk about your ex. It just sounds bad. Either you come across as bitter or not over him. Men don’t like competition, perceived or otherwise.
3. Another thing to try is not scare him away with talk of your “Rabbit” and how you like whips and chains… again, they get very scared and everything shrinks. They are easily intimidated.
4. And here’s a toughy…. Never let on that you’re very intelligent but at the same time don’t dumb it down too much… The way to tell whether it’s working or not is to watch for the tell-tale glazed look (in their eyes). That is the time to drop in a comment such as “What do you think of the Bulls front line? Perhaps they should move (insert front line players name) to (insert different position)? Or “Do you think that Graeme Smith should be moved further down the batting order?” This will get them back…. And you back in the player’s seat.
5. And finally, play hard to get, but not too hard! Some challenge is good, but you don’t want to come off looking like a stuck up bitch. Unless he deserves it or pulls any of the moves mentioned in the previous post. Then he deserves it!
I can’t be 100% sure if these are fool proof, because when we think it’s figured out, they change (only slightly). They get girlier and more sensitive. They may break into sobs for no good reason…. You never can tell!
But good luck anyway! I say a crying man is no good and worth running from, who needs the extra oestrogen? We have more than enough of our own! And if he passes up on your utter fabulousness, he wasn’t worth it anyway!
1. Never talk about marriage and kids when attempting to pick up a man! This makes them very nervous! The thought of meeting someone who is already inserting them into wedding pictures and family albums may be too much for a man to handle, they are quite delicate sometimes. They see their futures flashing before their eyes and it includes something close to incarceration.
2. Don’t talk about your ex. It just sounds bad. Either you come across as bitter or not over him. Men don’t like competition, perceived or otherwise.
3. Another thing to try is not scare him away with talk of your “Rabbit” and how you like whips and chains… again, they get very scared and everything shrinks. They are easily intimidated.
4. And here’s a toughy…. Never let on that you’re very intelligent but at the same time don’t dumb it down too much… The way to tell whether it’s working or not is to watch for the tell-tale glazed look (in their eyes). That is the time to drop in a comment such as “What do you think of the Bulls front line? Perhaps they should move (insert front line players name) to (insert different position)? Or “Do you think that Graeme Smith should be moved further down the batting order?” This will get them back…. And you back in the player’s seat.
5. And finally, play hard to get, but not too hard! Some challenge is good, but you don’t want to come off looking like a stuck up bitch. Unless he deserves it or pulls any of the moves mentioned in the previous post. Then he deserves it!
I can’t be 100% sure if these are fool proof, because when we think it’s figured out, they change (only slightly). They get girlier and more sensitive. They may break into sobs for no good reason…. You never can tell!
But good luck anyway! I say a crying man is no good and worth running from, who needs the extra oestrogen? We have more than enough of our own! And if he passes up on your utter fabulousness, he wasn’t worth it anyway!
Friday, 20 April 2007
A day from hell!!
I should've stayed in bed. But NO, here I am!
My day started off well, nothing untoward happened. But, on my way to work I heard the fantastic announcement on 5FM that Guns 'n Roses had cancelled their gig as part of the Coke Fest next weekend! I nearly lost my coffee! The only reason I paid close to R600 for a golden circle ticket was to see them. The rest of the bands suck...
I have been wanting to see GnR live since i was 14! It is not to be. At least we are getting refunded.
My work day has also been hectic. I have been asked to do deathly important (it would seem) work for 3 different people. Do i look like I have 3 heads and 7 arms? I checked, i don't! After a morning of incessant juggling of URGENT tasks, things seem to have calmed down... Hopefully!
And thankfully, it is only 2 1/2 hours until i can take my ass up to the pub for some free drinks! Lord knows i need it!!
My day started off well, nothing untoward happened. But, on my way to work I heard the fantastic announcement on 5FM that Guns 'n Roses had cancelled their gig as part of the Coke Fest next weekend! I nearly lost my coffee! The only reason I paid close to R600 for a golden circle ticket was to see them. The rest of the bands suck...
I have been wanting to see GnR live since i was 14! It is not to be. At least we are getting refunded.
My work day has also been hectic. I have been asked to do deathly important (it would seem) work for 3 different people. Do i look like I have 3 heads and 7 arms? I checked, i don't! After a morning of incessant juggling of URGENT tasks, things seem to have calmed down... Hopefully!
And thankfully, it is only 2 1/2 hours until i can take my ass up to the pub for some free drinks! Lord knows i need it!!
Thursday, 19 April 2007
All talk no action (ATNA)
When did men become all talk? I know it has always been going on but when did it become the fashion? And are we supposed to put up with it? I think not!!
At the moment I am stuck in such a situation. There is a guy (obviously) and we have been emailing backwards and forwards and have recently started with the smses. You can imagine the gist of the messages… little innuendos, hints and what could happen etc etc. But when it comes to the crunch, he chickens out. There is nothing more annoying than talking the situation up, only to be let down! It irritates the crap out of me! And then when I call it on him, the excuses come out. I had to work, I had plans, I was dying and so on.
Now this is not the only situation of ATNA that I have been exposed to in the last week. On Saturday, my brother and I went to a Ford dealer to look at the new Fiesta that I have my eye on as a replacement to my (very bad luck) car, in the near future. I test drove one and it was fantastic! I spoke to the sales guy and gave him all my details and exactly what I was looking for. He promised he would phone me on Monday before 12, once he had contacted the other dealers about what they had for me. It is now Thursday… and NOTHING! I left a message for him on Tuesday, and no call back. Yet another man suffering from ATNA.
I say we need to put a stop to this!!! Men need to grow some balls again and stop being such p*ussy’s!! I am going to take a stand and say “NO!!” to ATNA. I will no longer believe a man when he says he will do something and I plan to call him on it when he starts with the talk again!
At the moment I am stuck in such a situation. There is a guy (obviously) and we have been emailing backwards and forwards and have recently started with the smses. You can imagine the gist of the messages… little innuendos, hints and what could happen etc etc. But when it comes to the crunch, he chickens out. There is nothing more annoying than talking the situation up, only to be let down! It irritates the crap out of me! And then when I call it on him, the excuses come out. I had to work, I had plans, I was dying and so on.
Now this is not the only situation of ATNA that I have been exposed to in the last week. On Saturday, my brother and I went to a Ford dealer to look at the new Fiesta that I have my eye on as a replacement to my (very bad luck) car, in the near future. I test drove one and it was fantastic! I spoke to the sales guy and gave him all my details and exactly what I was looking for. He promised he would phone me on Monday before 12, once he had contacted the other dealers about what they had for me. It is now Thursday… and NOTHING! I left a message for him on Tuesday, and no call back. Yet another man suffering from ATNA.
I say we need to put a stop to this!!! Men need to grow some balls again and stop being such p*ussy’s!! I am going to take a stand and say “NO!!” to ATNA. I will no longer believe a man when he says he will do something and I plan to call him on it when he starts with the talk again!
Wednesday, 18 April 2007
Daily Dose of Madness!
CROWD BURNS EVIL CLOTHES!
A man allegedly killed his father. When the residents of the area saw him in court two weeks later, he was wearing different clothes to those he was arrested in. They broke into his house and took his clothes and burned them on the spot where he killed his father. His clothes are apparently evil because someone brought him a change of clothing. Huh?
THEY DUG HER UP BUT SHE WAS STILL DEAD…
A family dug up the body of a dead relative six months after they buried her, convinced she would come back to life. And guess what… she didn’t! And now the family is going to court. “Even Jesus Christ rose after 3 days, not 6 months! Said magistrate Sam Nkuna “So where did you hear such miracles could happen to a badly decomposed corpse?”
I AM NOT FLYING GOGO!
The lady who was accused of being the “Flying Gogo” (see earlier posts) wants people to stop accusing her of being the “flying gogo”. Apparently she is being mistaken for the ‘flying gogo’ and being accused of being a witch. Her husband says he would never allow her to be a witch.
A man allegedly killed his father. When the residents of the area saw him in court two weeks later, he was wearing different clothes to those he was arrested in. They broke into his house and took his clothes and burned them on the spot where he killed his father. His clothes are apparently evil because someone brought him a change of clothing. Huh?
THEY DUG HER UP BUT SHE WAS STILL DEAD…
A family dug up the body of a dead relative six months after they buried her, convinced she would come back to life. And guess what… she didn’t! And now the family is going to court. “Even Jesus Christ rose after 3 days, not 6 months! Said magistrate Sam Nkuna “So where did you hear such miracles could happen to a badly decomposed corpse?”
I AM NOT FLYING GOGO!
The lady who was accused of being the “Flying Gogo” (see earlier posts) wants people to stop accusing her of being the “flying gogo”. Apparently she is being mistaken for the ‘flying gogo’ and being accused of being a witch. Her husband says he would never allow her to be a witch.
How to go about the actual pickup
Now that you have a very basic idea of the people to stay away from, here is some advice for the next step… the pick up.
A lot of people find it very scary, but you just need to take it easy and keeo the following in mind.
These mostly apply to men….
Never hump the other persons leg, or rub your crotch up on someone, even on the dance floor. This WILL get you hurt! And no one likes an elbow in the stomach or knee in the crotch (unless you’re a bit strange)
Never compliment someone on a body part. Rather stick to a piece of clothing or something as inane.
Never stare at the opposite persons boobs or crotch, even if they enclosed in body hugging clothing, such as a Wonderbra or a tight jean pant.
Never get in the other person’s space. No one wants to smell what you had for dinner 2 nights ago. This also includes touching people in those places that make them uncomfortable, such as upper legs, waist or hand, it’s just weird! There’s no need to get unnecessarily touchy-feely! You’ll only get hurt.
You need a good pick up line. The pick up line hasn’t really ever had a good rap. Lines such as “Your clothes would look great on my floor” or “Is your father thief? He stole the stars out of the sky and put them in your eyes” are just sad! Finds something original!
Another thing that may affect your first impression, for the men, is the handshake. It is essential that you find a middle ground. There is no need to crush a lady’s hand and make her lose all feeling. This will not help you! Also, the dead fish, limp and soft handshake is even worse! It gives the wrong impression and makes her think all your parts are soft and limp. Also, no need to shake just her fingers, unless we are 80 years old. Shake the whole hand, that’s the way a man would do it!
Once the pick up is done, make sure you have some decent conversation to add to the mix. Keeping up to date with the latest news and gossip usually helps. But do not go into detail about Paris Hilton’s series of sex tapes and your take on her (very) personal waxers skills. That isn’t gossip!
With these suggestions in mind, good luck! You may have the skills but luck has a lot to do with it!
A lot of people find it very scary, but you just need to take it easy and keeo the following in mind.
These mostly apply to men….
Never hump the other persons leg, or rub your crotch up on someone, even on the dance floor. This WILL get you hurt! And no one likes an elbow in the stomach or knee in the crotch (unless you’re a bit strange)
Never compliment someone on a body part. Rather stick to a piece of clothing or something as inane.
Never stare at the opposite persons boobs or crotch, even if they enclosed in body hugging clothing, such as a Wonderbra or a tight jean pant.
Never get in the other person’s space. No one wants to smell what you had for dinner 2 nights ago. This also includes touching people in those places that make them uncomfortable, such as upper legs, waist or hand, it’s just weird! There’s no need to get unnecessarily touchy-feely! You’ll only get hurt.
You need a good pick up line. The pick up line hasn’t really ever had a good rap. Lines such as “Your clothes would look great on my floor” or “Is your father thief? He stole the stars out of the sky and put them in your eyes” are just sad! Finds something original!
Another thing that may affect your first impression, for the men, is the handshake. It is essential that you find a middle ground. There is no need to crush a lady’s hand and make her lose all feeling. This will not help you! Also, the dead fish, limp and soft handshake is even worse! It gives the wrong impression and makes her think all your parts are soft and limp. Also, no need to shake just her fingers, unless we are 80 years old. Shake the whole hand, that’s the way a man would do it!
Once the pick up is done, make sure you have some decent conversation to add to the mix. Keeping up to date with the latest news and gossip usually helps. But do not go into detail about Paris Hilton’s series of sex tapes and your take on her (very) personal waxers skills. That isn’t gossip!
With these suggestions in mind, good luck! You may have the skills but luck has a lot to do with it!
Tuesday, 17 April 2007
Rule No. 2
Hitting on a friends ex.
You don’t hit on a friend’s ex. I learnt this one the hard way. It almost broke up a friendship. If the guy has ever been mentioned in conversation, as an ex or ‘someone I had a fling with’ etc, he is off limits even if they only dated for a short time. If they dated for a long time, they are DEFINITELY off limits!
It is a bit touch and go when a friend says I’m over ‘Mr Fling’. This could be a friend just saying that because she feels it’s the right thing to say. But you can never be sure whether she really means it. I think it’s best just to stay away.
My problem with this rule stems back to my high school days. My best friend, Thelma, and I used to share exes. Once it was over, they were fair game. I later found out this was a unique situation! Good times! … sigh….
Personally, if a friend wants to date F*ck face, who I dated last year, then fine, it’s your problem and you have my sympathy! But, if a friend wanted to or did hook up with 1st love, I would probably be rather upset. Even though it was years ago, it would still not be cool!
It also depends on the friend. If it is someone who is very sensitive and views all relationships as important, then again, I say stay away. If it’s someone who doesn’t invest emotionally and who doesn’t really care, then you could probably go ahead.
I think this is a pool that needs to be dipped in at your own risk!
You don’t hit on a friend’s ex. I learnt this one the hard way. It almost broke up a friendship. If the guy has ever been mentioned in conversation, as an ex or ‘someone I had a fling with’ etc, he is off limits even if they only dated for a short time. If they dated for a long time, they are DEFINITELY off limits!
It is a bit touch and go when a friend says I’m over ‘Mr Fling’. This could be a friend just saying that because she feels it’s the right thing to say. But you can never be sure whether she really means it. I think it’s best just to stay away.
My problem with this rule stems back to my high school days. My best friend, Thelma, and I used to share exes. Once it was over, they were fair game. I later found out this was a unique situation! Good times! … sigh….
Personally, if a friend wants to date F*ck face, who I dated last year, then fine, it’s your problem and you have my sympathy! But, if a friend wanted to or did hook up with 1st love, I would probably be rather upset. Even though it was years ago, it would still not be cool!
It also depends on the friend. If it is someone who is very sensitive and views all relationships as important, then again, I say stay away. If it’s someone who doesn’t invest emotionally and who doesn’t really care, then you could probably go ahead.
I think this is a pool that needs to be dipped in at your own risk!
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