... and it's 2008!

Time flies! I can't believe it is already 2008! I am definitely hoping for a year that is better than 2007 was.

So here is a quick recap of my last holiday in Palm Springs. We had good weather, hence the tan, has some rain and some vicious wind. I was on the beach all morning if the weather was good and slept most afternoons.

I drove around the town with my dad the one day, i guess having a last look, because the only reason to go to East London is for Palm Springs.

The locals are really fat and generally inbred (well the ones we saw). The 'locals' of Kidds Beach were also a bit on the special side. One night while we were at The Barn, they cut a beach buggy fuel line, stole our number plate and let some friend's tyres down.

All in all a good time was had! On my second night there, my friend Kent arrived and we went off to the Barn with someone we met named Jackie. After a few vodka's and making friends with all sorts of people there, one being from JHB (and who looked familiar from the club circuit) we decided it was time to go swim in a heated pool.

So, off we drove. We snuck onto the property, climbed a fence, removed the pool cover took most of our clothes off and proceeded to spend the next hour relaxing in someone's pool.

This may the holiday where i have broken the most laws!

1. Driving under the influence
2. Trespassing
3. Breaking and entering
4. Indecent Exposure

Then add (with my dad):
5. Poaching mussels

and i think this just goes to prove that my holiday was quite a goodie!

Enjoy 2008! And remember.... just don't get caught! :)

And the year is almost done

I was looking back at my first post, that included some resolutions. It's now time to see how well i did!
Be healthier - this went relatively well. I got back into gym, though have been a bit slack this month. I have also lost weight, so I'm happy with that! Though i wouldn't mind losing a few more.
Buy a new car - DONE!
Have something that resembles a relationship (longer than 4 months) - Um.... resolution not achieved, in the slightest, though i still somehow managed to get my feelings hurt and my heart a bit bruised.

So while on holiday, I will see if i can come up with anything worth mentioning.

I leave for East London again today! Wooohoooo!!! I am very excited! 10 days of relaxing, no worries and not too much spending.

Hopefully the weather will be good, so that i can get some quality beach time. Otherwise, I will have my laptop with me, with the latest series.

I hope everyone has a fantastic festive season and a fab new year!

Catch you in 2008! Here's to a great year and more good karma!

How to get your friends to hook you up with the girl of your current dreams

This is the conversation that will apparently hook one of my frineds up with another friend, who he took a liking to on Facebook.

* Names have been changed, so as not to scare her, should she read this :)

Loulou : How are you?
*Blondie: Fine thx and you?
Loulou: Im all good - btw i know this frikkingly awesome dude which I know you will like and he says he would like to get to know better :)
Blondie: Who?
Loulou: * Wolfie Smith
Blondie: Im in love already...
Loulou: Wicked! I'll set you up.
Blondie: Dont worry - just give me his phone number and I'll do the organising myself - can't let a catch like that loose!
Loulou: You won't regret it!
Blondie: I'm sure - hot tantric sex here i come!!!

I'll keep you updated about whether it works or not.

The excuses men give….

I was sitting on the beach in Cape Town the other day (as you do) letting my mind wander…. I decided a great blog topic would be “The excuses men give”. And believe me, there are some pearlers! Having been in the dating game for 15 odd years, and with the input of my brother, I have come up with my own top 10.

Number 10

I think we are good together and can make it work but you’ll need to first change a couple things about your personality

Number 9

I might be moving to Malaysia. This was said in an email…

Number 8

I don’t see a future for us. What? Are you a psychic?

Number 7

I want to settle down but I don’t think you’re right for that.

Number 6

It’s not you, it’s me. This is a very popular one! It really means it’s not me, it’s you. I've used it a few times myself. When I do, it means you irritate the hell out of me and if I spend another minute with you, I am likely to seriously abuse you, or pull a muscle from rolling my eyes so much.

Number 5

There’s no connection. I'm sorry? Are you an electrician? Have we crossed wires somewhere along the way?

Number 4

My ex has asked me to go back to her (even after she slept with my best friend and father), so I’m going to see if we can make it work this time. Sure... good luck with that!

Number 3

I want to concentrate on my career - as a barman?

Number 2

I don’t want to ruin the friendship.

AND…. Number 1

I just want to be single. I'm not ready for a relationship. Things are very complicated at the moment and I need to sort things out. But here’s the reason it’s number 1… it also means “give me two weeks and I’ll have a girlfriend”

So what is the point of these excuses? I would prefer the honest approach. If there is a reason, just tell me without bullshitting! Most girls I know prefer this because the truth is easier to understand and deal with than some ridiculous, already-heard excuse.

Unless you can come up with an original, believable and mind-blowing excuse, why bother?

Oh! And feel free to add some of the good excuses you've had to endure in the comments bit!

I apologise....

I apologise for going on as I did in previous posts… I fear I was delusional and probably temporarily insane. That really wasn't the usual me and it scares me that I can become that person...Eeewww! :) It happens!

After a reality check, and some disappointing conduct by someone I thought worthwhile and out of the ordinary, I would like to say that I have thankfully come to my senses and promise to revert to my more fun and cynical self.

Here’s to a more fun future! Cheers!

Brazilians are fun!

Before I went to Cape Town last week, I decided it was time to get a brazilian. I have been going for bikini waxes for ages and become used to the pain. Though I suppose it is skin that sees the light of day a bit more than the rest.

So off I speed to my appointment after work. My mother had forgotten to give me the message to take Panado’s before, to lessen the pain. Oh well…

I get there and take it all off. It started out fine, with the usual areas being waxed… not too bad! Yet…

When the time came to take everything off form the ‘undercarriage’ I must admit I was a bit nervous. Though I think the distraction of talking to my beautician, who is also a friend, was ideal. The pain actually wasn’t too bad. I think I got frights more than anything. And I do admit that the hot wax actually felt kinda nice. A different feeling but a pleasant one nonetheless.

After much pulling and manoeuvring, I was done. I did end up with a rather large blood blister underneath, but that disappeared in a day or two. And of course I had to get used to the feeling of wearing underwear. And I admit that it felt really nice, all that smooth skin…. Reminded me of the first leg wax I had. The difference is that it isn’t frowned upon when a girl feels her newly smooth legs.

And of course it is worthy of showing off to other people! Though not always the full show.

Is it all about timing?

I have been pondering. This is not a good thing!

My question of the moment is this… Why is it all about the timing? In the past, I was the one who wasn’t ready or I didn’t know what I wanted. But now I know exactly what I want but can’t have it. The reasons for this aren’t 100% clear (and not from my side) but are the standard ones. The ones I have used. The ones I have decided to work around.

The friends I have spoken to about this have informed me that I am catch and any man would be stupid not to try. I tend to agree. I think I have a lot to offer. So why is no one taking up the offer? Why are all the personality challenged people not having a problem? How do they go from one to the other as if it is the easiest thing?

I think that it should be easier somehow. I have been playing the dating game for about 15 years now. And still I haven’t got much to show for it. Sure there have been a few relationships that stand out and probably could’ve been something more, perhaps if the timing were better? But alas, here I sit with not much of anything to show. I suppose it could be said that rather play the field than settle for someone who wasn’t right or who wouldn’t have worked out in the long run. But seriously!! How long do I have to wait? I’ve paid my dues, I’ve done the time, I’ve dated the assholes! Come on already!!! I need a bit of a silver lining! Just a smidgen!

Why is it that now that I have finally figured it out, there is nothing to celebrate with and no reward? Is this karma still biting me in the ass? How much more bad relationship karma do I need to work off?? It is just getting frustrating now!

So my thought now, is what do I need to do to get what I want? Is it worth it to fight so hard? Or am I just wasting my time and energy on someone who isn’t really worth it? Maybe there is a better guy out there, who has just that one extra thing to offer? How in the hell are we supposed to know?? Where are the signs?

I guess the plan of action for the time being is just to go with the flow and I suppose that if it’s meant to be, it will. Hopefully the effort is worth it! After all, I only have another 43 years to live!

23 work days and counting!

23 more working days until I go to the coast for my December sabbatical at the lovely resort of Palm Springs!

But even more exciting than that is it’s only 2 weeks until I go to Cape Town for a long weekend, in the company of 2 good (looking) guy friends and a guaranteed good time (unless either one of them has PMS)!

My friend of 14 years, Warren, recently moved down to Cape Town so once again, I have an excuse to go down. He also stays in the CBD, which is awesome because it is SO much better than the Joburg one and actually safe to walk around and they have squirrels!

And I am proud to say I am steadily losing weight so I should be looking a little better by the time I hit the beach. But will be almost beach ready for Palm Springs, assuming I won’t be able to afford food in Cape Town J As long as I can afford cocktails….

So all in all, it is looking up and the festive season is pretty much upon us! WOOOHOOO!!!

Well, back to work, it makes time fly!

You wear what to gym?

I went to gym yesterday, as you do when attempting to get ready for the looming beach season.

It was all good, I cycled my ass off (unfortunately not literally) and got ready to go home feeling very good about myself.

And then I saw it…. A guy coming out if the change room, wearing… wait for it… bright luminous pink poly shorts, a grey vest that didn’t really cover his boep and two bright blue knee guards! What an assault on my tired eyes!

It seemed that everyone else was just as speechless. I wasn’t the only one staring or giggling. Good lord! I hope he’s toned it down for today!

And why do they still even make poly shorts or actually sell them to people who are clearly not athletes or going to be running a marathon? I once saw Heinz Winkler wearing them, while stretching on a railing…. We waited for his package to pop out so we could point and laugh, but alas, this did not happen. Sigh.

How to start your own cult

My brother and I have been toying with this idea for a while now. It seems like a quick and easy way to get rich and be adored for no good reason.

So, how does one go about starting their own cult?

There seem to be no female cult leaders. I think I can use this to my advantage! I see a gap in the market… One step closer!

I watched the series on “Killer Cults” on the History Channel. It seems that the following are necessary:

1. You need to be UGLY! And I don’t mean a bit, I mean very!
2. You need to have very bad hair, the frizzier the better
3. You need to have bad eyes. This either results in you looking like you are unable to open them or gives you a reason to wear big old fashioned glasses.
4. Your personal habits need to be questionable along with your dress sense.
5. You should believe you are a sex god and that women actually want to sleep with you. Sex also seems to be a reason or a common thread with most cults. What better reason to engage in group sex with all sorts of people than to do so within a cult?

I have looked up this whole cult thing and I think my brother and I should start a ‘commercial’ cult. This means we get to sell arbitrary stuff (like books, DVD’s, branded underwear) to people and therefore make money off it! There is also the choice of the ‘religious’ cult, though neither of us are religious and I think Rhema has cornered that market. I would like to get on Ray McCauley’s bad side! He’s got crazy eyes!!

We would then have to offer ‘exclusivism’ as a way of brainwashing people into giving us their money and worshipping us blindly. We would promise membership to our exclusive and fabulous circle, much like an exclusive nightclub. And we may even give them cocktails too.

A few other mind control methods caught my attention though. Things like time control. Does this mean that work is actually a cult? Are they controlling our minds?? I guess so! Another is a strict reporting structure, where you can’t trust anyone not to run to the ‘leader’ and rat on you…. Again, this sounds very familiar!

After looking at the list again, it seems my brother and I will need to make over the image of a traditional cult leader. Be gone bad hair and giant glasses! We will start a far trendier and fun cult! Only good looking, rich people and lots of cocktail hours!