So as I’m sure everyone knows by now, the world (as we know it) should’ve ended on Saturday 21 May and Jesus was supposed to come back for a visit. Hence the rapture… oooohhhhh….
Apparently, at 6:00pm (in which time zone I don’t know), a massive earthquake would devastate the planet, the dead would rise from their graves, and mankind would have to endure five months of fiery damnation before the world ended in October. To be honest, I had no idea what time it was supposed to happen but I was working towards 7:00pm.
Those people who were chosen – it is said there were 200 million of these so-called ‘true believers’ – would get fast tracked straight up to heaven where they would probably get popcorn and a slush puppie to enjoy the festivities down below on Earth.
According to the totally sane guy who is spreading the news, Harold Camping, the ACTUAL day the world will end is the 21 October 2011. The 21 May was just the date Jesus was supposed to arrive to collect souls and start the fire. This guy also predicted the Rapture would take place on 6 September 1994, but as we all know, that also didn’t happen. Though after re-calculating, he came up with 21 May and says that it’s totally for real this time. Ummmm… try again!!
But according to Jesus – who I follow on Twitter @Jesus_M_Christ – he couldn’t find any decent souls to Rapture… and he also got high.
So I guess we’ll just have to wait and see what 21 October brings and then what 21 December 2012 brings…. Until then… LET’S HAVE SOME FUN! WOOOHOOO!!!
Monday, 23 May 2011
Is romance dead?
In the space of one day, I came across 3 very different stories revolving around marriage…
The first story was about a guy who filmed an elaborate marriage proposal and screened it at the cinema where his girlfriend was due to watch a film. Apparently, he made every girl in the room jealous too.
How very nice! Hope the romance lasts! That is really a lot to keep living up to!
The second story, according to the Daily Mail, some romantic guy had clearly put in a lot of effort to propose to his girlfriend. He had picked out the ring, rehearsed a song, practised his speech and had even took his beloved back to the place where they met so he could pop the question. But as he met her outside a fast food shop in a shopping mall, perhaps he should have guessed that getting down on bended knee in front of whooping shoppers might not strike quite the right note.
In a video posted by a bystander online the man startles his (possibly now ex) girlfriend by proposing to her in front of gleeful customers in the food court section of the fashion mall, in Los Angeles.
The dejected romantic declares to the girl - named as Caroline - just how much he loves her and why they must be together. He is joined by a guitarist, who accompanies him as he bursts into song, serenading the panicking girl with Neil Diamond's classic song “Sweet Caroline”.
'We met one year ago right in front of this Cinnabon,' he begins.
'I was dizzy in your presence, Caroline.
'I love everything about you... I love how you curl up next to me on the sofa and purr like a kitten.
'Make me the most happiest and dizzy man in the world.'
But despite his heartfelt sentiments and the ogling shoppers who shout at her to accept, “Caroline”, whose hands have been clamped over her mouth in shock since he started his proposal and murmuring “Oh my God, what are you doing?” at him, looks around the centre and decides to dash out, according to Daily Mail.
The young man is left heartbroken, surrounded by shocked shoppers who snap pictures of him and try to console the rejected Romeo with 'that was brutal' and 'it's alright, man, it's alright.'
Hopefully next time the young man will opt to propose in a slightly more secluded setting.
To be honest, I don’t think I’d be terribly impressed if a guy proposed to me in front of MacDonald’s or KFC…. Rather pick where you went on a first date. Or if you’re that into it, make a replica in a more secluded place, that isn’t a shopping mall!
Unlucky!! I guess she’s just not that into you… or she would’ve said yes.
Bride-to-be tries to kill herself
A 22-year-old woman in a wedding gown is grabbed by Guo Zhongfan, a local community officer, as she attempts to kill herself by jumping out of a seven-storey residential building in Changchun, China.
According to local media, the woman tried to commit suicide after her boyfriend of four years broke up with her, just as they were making plans to get married. The woman did not sustain any injuries during the incident.
Well, maybe injuries to her pride… one day she’ll look back at this and think “What the hell was I thinking?? He had no idea what he was losing and now he’s fat and lonely… and he had a small willy! I sure as hell dodged that bullet!”
The first story was about a guy who filmed an elaborate marriage proposal and screened it at the cinema where his girlfriend was due to watch a film. Apparently, he made every girl in the room jealous too.
How very nice! Hope the romance lasts! That is really a lot to keep living up to!
The second story, according to the Daily Mail, some romantic guy had clearly put in a lot of effort to propose to his girlfriend. He had picked out the ring, rehearsed a song, practised his speech and had even took his beloved back to the place where they met so he could pop the question. But as he met her outside a fast food shop in a shopping mall, perhaps he should have guessed that getting down on bended knee in front of whooping shoppers might not strike quite the right note.
In a video posted by a bystander online the man startles his (possibly now ex) girlfriend by proposing to her in front of gleeful customers in the food court section of the fashion mall, in Los Angeles.
The dejected romantic declares to the girl - named as Caroline - just how much he loves her and why they must be together. He is joined by a guitarist, who accompanies him as he bursts into song, serenading the panicking girl with Neil Diamond's classic song “Sweet Caroline”.
'We met one year ago right in front of this Cinnabon,' he begins.
'I was dizzy in your presence, Caroline.
'I love everything about you... I love how you curl up next to me on the sofa and purr like a kitten.
'Make me the most happiest and dizzy man in the world.'
But despite his heartfelt sentiments and the ogling shoppers who shout at her to accept, “Caroline”, whose hands have been clamped over her mouth in shock since he started his proposal and murmuring “Oh my God, what are you doing?” at him, looks around the centre and decides to dash out, according to Daily Mail.
The young man is left heartbroken, surrounded by shocked shoppers who snap pictures of him and try to console the rejected Romeo with 'that was brutal' and 'it's alright, man, it's alright.'
Hopefully next time the young man will opt to propose in a slightly more secluded setting.
To be honest, I don’t think I’d be terribly impressed if a guy proposed to me in front of MacDonald’s or KFC…. Rather pick where you went on a first date. Or if you’re that into it, make a replica in a more secluded place, that isn’t a shopping mall!
Unlucky!! I guess she’s just not that into you… or she would’ve said yes.
Bride-to-be tries to kill herself
A 22-year-old woman in a wedding gown is grabbed by Guo Zhongfan, a local community officer, as she attempts to kill herself by jumping out of a seven-storey residential building in Changchun, China.
According to local media, the woman tried to commit suicide after her boyfriend of four years broke up with her, just as they were making plans to get married. The woman did not sustain any injuries during the incident.
Well, maybe injuries to her pride… one day she’ll look back at this and think “What the hell was I thinking?? He had no idea what he was losing and now he’s fat and lonely… and he had a small willy! I sure as hell dodged that bullet!”
Saturday, 14 May 2011
The new Ten Commandments
As single or dating girls, we should have some things that are just non-negotiable. Some are easier to stick to but we should always keep the others in mind.
When it comes to men and dating, we seem to put up with too much and let too many things slide. We explain them away, justify them, and make up excuses like… “just give him time, he’ll see how awesome I am and will stop hedging his bets and looking for someone better”; “he treats me so well when we’re alone”; “but we really click, really”; he’s so busy he doesn’t always have time to email/sms/BBM/What’sApp/ Skype/Facebook/Tweet me” (that’s total bullshit!! He will be spending time in traffic, drinking coffee or sitting on the toilet – he can always find time if he wants to).
ENOUGH!!! If he’s not being a decent guy, not being a real man, you need to speak to him about it so that he knows what you expect and think. If you’re scared it’ll scare him off, maybe that’s not such a bad thing! No one likes a scaredy cat!
Do you really still want to be wondering, interpreting, trying to decipher every little thing in three months’ time? My answer would be NO!!!! And how do I know? I;ve been there, done that, shed a tear over it. It sucks being let down and disappointed but we’ve all had to deal with it at some point.
Some men are very good at fooling you into thinking it’s all great and that there’s a future – they may even believe it themselves… But once the little things start to niggle, it’s time to go with your gut, ask the hard questions and decide whether you’re worth more. I would bet that you are!
So here are my top 10 Commandments. And unlike Moses’, mine can be updated and added to, so if you have anything to add, do so!
Thou shalt not…
1. … let a man make you feel crap about yourself.
If he doesn’t think you’re awesome and doesn’t say and do all the nice things you deserve, why are you bothering? You deserve to be treated the way you want to be treated.
2. …be someone’s second choice or the “until someone better comes along” girl.
You should be his first and only choice. He’s yours isn’t he?
3. …run after a man
I know it’s 2011 and women have a lot of power and are very independent but sometimes we need to stick with the old school way of doing things. Men need to be men. They need to step up and take control. They need to ask you out. They need to contact you. They need to win your affection and court you. If you do most of the initiating, you need to take a step back and rethink whether he would contact you if you stopped. Would he?
4. … have to analyse whether he’s into you.
You shouldn’t have to analyse whether he’s into you. You should know, it should be obvious and he should show it.
5. …compromise yourself.
Don’t change your personality, your body, your beliefs or your friends for a man. If he doesn’t like you for who and what you are, he should find someone else. Just look at how it all ended for Advocate Barbie!
6. …be at his beck and call.
If he needs you to pick him up at a braai, after drinks, after a game, he better have the common courtesy to invite you in for at least one drink. If he’s not, why not? Are you just a glorified driver who puts out? Staff with benefits? I think it’s time to reassess your job title and job description.
7. … date a man who treats ‘service people’ like crap.
If you can’t treat a waiter, cashier or security guard with respect, who’s to say he won’t treat you like that one day?
8. … date a married, engaged, involved guy.
Do I need to elaborate?
9. …take a man back.
There’s a reason you broke up, no matter who did the dumping. The reason will always be in the back of your mind and will probably resurface in a very ugly way.
10. …be anything other than a fabulous, awesome and amazing woman and don’t need a man to be that.
When it comes to men and dating, we seem to put up with too much and let too many things slide. We explain them away, justify them, and make up excuses like… “just give him time, he’ll see how awesome I am and will stop hedging his bets and looking for someone better”; “he treats me so well when we’re alone”; “but we really click, really”; he’s so busy he doesn’t always have time to email/sms/BBM/What’sApp/ Skype/Facebook/Tweet me” (that’s total bullshit!! He will be spending time in traffic, drinking coffee or sitting on the toilet – he can always find time if he wants to).
ENOUGH!!! If he’s not being a decent guy, not being a real man, you need to speak to him about it so that he knows what you expect and think. If you’re scared it’ll scare him off, maybe that’s not such a bad thing! No one likes a scaredy cat!
Do you really still want to be wondering, interpreting, trying to decipher every little thing in three months’ time? My answer would be NO!!!! And how do I know? I;ve been there, done that, shed a tear over it. It sucks being let down and disappointed but we’ve all had to deal with it at some point.
Some men are very good at fooling you into thinking it’s all great and that there’s a future – they may even believe it themselves… But once the little things start to niggle, it’s time to go with your gut, ask the hard questions and decide whether you’re worth more. I would bet that you are!
So here are my top 10 Commandments. And unlike Moses’, mine can be updated and added to, so if you have anything to add, do so!
Thou shalt not…
1. … let a man make you feel crap about yourself.
If he doesn’t think you’re awesome and doesn’t say and do all the nice things you deserve, why are you bothering? You deserve to be treated the way you want to be treated.
2. …be someone’s second choice or the “until someone better comes along” girl.
You should be his first and only choice. He’s yours isn’t he?
3. …run after a man
I know it’s 2011 and women have a lot of power and are very independent but sometimes we need to stick with the old school way of doing things. Men need to be men. They need to step up and take control. They need to ask you out. They need to contact you. They need to win your affection and court you. If you do most of the initiating, you need to take a step back and rethink whether he would contact you if you stopped. Would he?
4. … have to analyse whether he’s into you.
You shouldn’t have to analyse whether he’s into you. You should know, it should be obvious and he should show it.
5. …compromise yourself.
Don’t change your personality, your body, your beliefs or your friends for a man. If he doesn’t like you for who and what you are, he should find someone else. Just look at how it all ended for Advocate Barbie!
6. …be at his beck and call.
If he needs you to pick him up at a braai, after drinks, after a game, he better have the common courtesy to invite you in for at least one drink. If he’s not, why not? Are you just a glorified driver who puts out? Staff with benefits? I think it’s time to reassess your job title and job description.
7. … date a man who treats ‘service people’ like crap.
If you can’t treat a waiter, cashier or security guard with respect, who’s to say he won’t treat you like that one day?
8. … date a married, engaged, involved guy.
Do I need to elaborate?
9. …take a man back.
There’s a reason you broke up, no matter who did the dumping. The reason will always be in the back of your mind and will probably resurface in a very ugly way.
10. …be anything other than a fabulous, awesome and amazing woman and don’t need a man to be that.
Wednesday, 11 May 2011
I think that’s enough…
I have come to the decision that I am very over the online dating thing! After a few very unsuccessful dates (though I did get some entertaining stories out of them!), I am throwing in the towel.
And as a final send off, I leave you with yet another pearler of a candidate…
Why should you get to know devilliers?
NO PERSONS UNDER AGE (sensitive!!)
First the bad news...Why not to get to know me: I take medication(anti - depressants, tranquilizers and sleeping pills) However I am not a suicidal case past or potential. I have PTSD(post traumatic stress disorder)Also I don't have wheels presently. The PTSD is because twice I've nearly died once drug related and the other a car smash. And you can throw in National Service which was a nightmare. I also have residual schizophrenia, a condition controlled with medicine. Basically some nerve endings in my brain were damaged by the dagga I took(2 puffs can you believe it?) when I nearly died which has caused a chemical imbalance but I'm fine with the tranquilizers which double up to right this imbalance in my case- I'm not psycho(haven't killed anyone or planning on it!!)'Normal ' people also do this!!!.My last medical condition that I have is gout. So if you're passionate about your red meat and alchohol then maybe I'm not for you, not to say that I don't indulge in these luxuries.
Now the good news....
Why you should get to know me:I have a private income and I think If I get a permanent job my income bracket will be comfortable to wealthy. A gentleman. Patient. Only child(=financially stable)All the usual cliches. I can work, have worked for years in the hospitality industry. Mom's an author with 2 published books and 8 in the pipelines-interesting times. Maybe I'll make a comeback to golf(Seniors Tour only)although I have a bad back and presently my heart isn't really in it. Somehow I think the last two sentences are dreams but you never know. Its's been said I'm a bit crazy but that is in a funny way.
Friends/penpals if you're not from W Cape(unless you want to relocate)I'd consider this when I inherit. Sorry to bore you with the medical stories but I believe they should be out in the open so no ramifications later. This is all the honest truth! If nothing develops then the very least is that I hope I have dispelled some myths about psychiatric disability. I'm not eccentric either.
He describes his ideal match thus:
I don't believe in idealism, we don't live in an ideal world. However if I had to answer the question.20 words.
Let me start with what I don't want, the bad news:Clubbers, pubbers ,classical music haters (I like Chopin- not raucus classical), unrefined, TATOOS, attention seeking, career woman, perfectionists, critics, bitches, gold- diggers, socialites, snobs, travellers, obesity(curvaceous is fine),control freaks, shopping addicts, make-up over users, time wasters, one-night stands/casual sex, step kids that are school going- must be either out the house or in nappies/very young, recreational drug users, more friends/friendship with potential to develop, two-timers, high maintenance, low sex drive, party animal, heavy drinkers, fakes, mind games, pretentiousness, chain smoker/long cigarettes, uncompassionate, non-oral sex likers, self-righteousness, bible bashers, insecure income, insincerity, gossipers, foul-mouthedness, small- talkers-(no time for chit-chat), indecisiveness, heartbreakers, narrow- mindedness, complicatedness, insensitive, unemphathetic, immaturity, drama -queens, feminists and sexism.
What will be good: I like spontaneity, rugby(watching in bars wherever-yes it's that season)An adopted kid or two if you're past that age and have no kids.I don't mind not wanting kids-they don't bring me happiness(I mean they're not key to a fulfilled life).Will accept me for me love or money. In my case its love first and the love of love not the love of money. You'll know if it is meant to be after about 3 dates....Thats my style, so if you like to be wined and dined then good.. Maybe you want a houseman or a lover or a husband or better still all in one. Thanks for reading my profile.
'Nuff said!!
And as a final send off, I leave you with yet another pearler of a candidate…
Why should you get to know devilliers?
NO PERSONS UNDER AGE (sensitive!!)
First the bad news...Why not to get to know me: I take medication(anti - depressants, tranquilizers and sleeping pills) However I am not a suicidal case past or potential. I have PTSD(post traumatic stress disorder)Also I don't have wheels presently. The PTSD is because twice I've nearly died once drug related and the other a car smash. And you can throw in National Service which was a nightmare. I also have residual schizophrenia, a condition controlled with medicine. Basically some nerve endings in my brain were damaged by the dagga I took(2 puffs can you believe it?) when I nearly died which has caused a chemical imbalance but I'm fine with the tranquilizers which double up to right this imbalance in my case- I'm not psycho(haven't killed anyone or planning on it!!)'Normal ' people also do this!!!.My last medical condition that I have is gout. So if you're passionate about your red meat and alchohol then maybe I'm not for you, not to say that I don't indulge in these luxuries.
Now the good news....
Why you should get to know me:I have a private income and I think If I get a permanent job my income bracket will be comfortable to wealthy. A gentleman. Patient. Only child(=financially stable)All the usual cliches. I can work, have worked for years in the hospitality industry. Mom's an author with 2 published books and 8 in the pipelines-interesting times. Maybe I'll make a comeback to golf(Seniors Tour only)although I have a bad back and presently my heart isn't really in it. Somehow I think the last two sentences are dreams but you never know. Its's been said I'm a bit crazy but that is in a funny way.
Friends/penpals if you're not from W Cape(unless you want to relocate)I'd consider this when I inherit. Sorry to bore you with the medical stories but I believe they should be out in the open so no ramifications later. This is all the honest truth! If nothing develops then the very least is that I hope I have dispelled some myths about psychiatric disability. I'm not eccentric either.
He describes his ideal match thus:
I don't believe in idealism, we don't live in an ideal world. However if I had to answer the question.20 words.
Let me start with what I don't want, the bad news:Clubbers, pubbers ,classical music haters (I like Chopin- not raucus classical), unrefined, TATOOS, attention seeking, career woman, perfectionists, critics, bitches, gold- diggers, socialites, snobs, travellers, obesity(curvaceous is fine),control freaks, shopping addicts, make-up over users, time wasters, one-night stands/casual sex, step kids that are school going- must be either out the house or in nappies/very young, recreational drug users, more friends/friendship with potential to develop, two-timers, high maintenance, low sex drive, party animal, heavy drinkers, fakes, mind games, pretentiousness, chain smoker/long cigarettes, uncompassionate, non-oral sex likers, self-righteousness, bible bashers, insecure income, insincerity, gossipers, foul-mouthedness, small- talkers-(no time for chit-chat), indecisiveness, heartbreakers, narrow- mindedness, complicatedness, insensitive, unemphathetic, immaturity, drama -queens, feminists and sexism.
What will be good: I like spontaneity, rugby(watching in bars wherever-yes it's that season)An adopted kid or two if you're past that age and have no kids.I don't mind not wanting kids-they don't bring me happiness(I mean they're not key to a fulfilled life).Will accept me for me love or money. In my case its love first and the love of love not the love of money. You'll know if it is meant to be after about 3 dates....Thats my style, so if you like to be wined and dined then good.. Maybe you want a houseman or a lover or a husband or better still all in one. Thanks for reading my profile.
'Nuff said!!
Wednesday, 6 April 2011
Mr. Hand Fetish
My final online date was with a guy I’m going to refer to as HF (Hand Fetish). According to the dating website, we were 100% match. So we set up a date at Fournos in Dunkeld. I liked his photo… it had a great sunset in the background.
To start, he was late – apparently couldn’t find his car keys. He arrived as I was about to leave. We chatted, he seemed like a nice guy… We got onto the topic of running – something I don’t do. I told him that I had injured my (already dodgy) knee in a car accident (not my fault) and he got very angry about it - a little weird but I let it slide, give him credit for ‘passion’. It’s no loss to me that I can’t run, I wasn’t very good at it anyway.
About half an hour into the date, he took my hand. Now I’m not the most publicly affectionate person and I’ve been told that I should go along with it because that’s what people do, they’re openly affectionate… So, I went with it. And it got really weird…
He started to massage my hand, he looked at the palm, squeezed each finger and just kept rubbing. Then much to my utter dismay, he started to kiss my fingers and hands. WTF??? After less than a hour of meeting? NO YOU DIDN’T!!
People were looking at us and I’m sure they saw the pleading look of horror on my face. Those who know me, know that my face shows everything I’m thinking.
And all he had to say about this was “I love hands”… REALLY?!?
Luckily for me I had a lunch date an hour later that ‘suddenly’ moved an hour earlier, so I had to dash. Saying goodbye in the car park was almost as painful… he hugged me like he was going off to war for 4 years. Turns out he was spending the December holidays with his family in George while I would be in Knysna but luckily I was “super busy” with family stuff - aka relaxing with no one molesting my hands!
To start, he was late – apparently couldn’t find his car keys. He arrived as I was about to leave. We chatted, he seemed like a nice guy… We got onto the topic of running – something I don’t do. I told him that I had injured my (already dodgy) knee in a car accident (not my fault) and he got very angry about it - a little weird but I let it slide, give him credit for ‘passion’. It’s no loss to me that I can’t run, I wasn’t very good at it anyway.
About half an hour into the date, he took my hand. Now I’m not the most publicly affectionate person and I’ve been told that I should go along with it because that’s what people do, they’re openly affectionate… So, I went with it. And it got really weird…
He started to massage my hand, he looked at the palm, squeezed each finger and just kept rubbing. Then much to my utter dismay, he started to kiss my fingers and hands. WTF??? After less than a hour of meeting? NO YOU DIDN’T!!
People were looking at us and I’m sure they saw the pleading look of horror on my face. Those who know me, know that my face shows everything I’m thinking.
And all he had to say about this was “I love hands”… REALLY?!?
Luckily for me I had a lunch date an hour later that ‘suddenly’ moved an hour earlier, so I had to dash. Saying goodbye in the car park was almost as painful… he hugged me like he was going off to war for 4 years. Turns out he was spending the December holidays with his family in George while I would be in Knysna but luckily I was “super busy” with family stuff - aka relaxing with no one molesting my hands!
Thursday, 31 March 2011
No Judgement!
My mother always tells me that I'm too quick to judge people. I’ve never really had an issue with this because I trust my instincts and think I judge for a reason. But when I met “Chop” (I wish I could use the real name I have for him, but it may not be appropriate) I decided that I would reserve judgement and just go with it.
The first date went well, we had good conversation and even had a bit of a smooch. He did leave me at the parking ticket payment machine to deal with the problem of it not reading my card, but I let it slide. But NO JUDGEMENT!
Second date… we were having dinner at my fave restaurant, DW 11-13. He was half an hour late – but he didn’t get the message I sent saying I could meet earlier. We both had the rack of lamb… which he proceeded to eat with him hands - yes, like he was at a weekend braai – and eat noisily with his mouth open. But NO JUDGEMENT!
Date three… we went to movies (saw Social Network… such a good movie!). He picked me up (late) and gave me a sad bunch of petrol station roses - they lasted about 12 hours, though it’s the thought that counts. He drove down the middle of Republic Road across both lanes at about 40 kms/ hour. He didn’t want popcorn but said he would have a little bit of mine. Turns out that means nom nom nom…. And he ate most of it. SO all in all, a fun night. But NO JUDGEMENT!
Fourth date. He came over to my house for wine and snacks. He was late. He scoffed the snacks (of course noisily with an open mouth) and went on about how awesome it was to live in the UK and that SA is crap. He was only in SA to see if he could find a wife and see how SA would work for him – it had already been two years. If you don’t like your homeland and can’t make a decision after two years, EFF OFF! While smooching on the couch, he practically crushed me and paid no attention to my discomfort, didn’t notice I was turning blue and didn’t hear my ribs cracking. He then also tried to sleep over! WTF? He did promise that nothing would happen…. Really? So he went home. But NO JUDGEMENT!
Fifth and (thank god) final date. We were having coffee. Guess what… he was late! When he did arrive, I had decided that I wasn’t going to be the one to make all the conversation. We sat in silence for most of the time. He then told me I was paying the bill and left. Again WTF? Oh and JUDGEMENT!!
I got an email the next week going on about how I was rude and had no manners…. Pardon?? I told him that he was a dick and good luck to anyone who out up with his crap. And I thought that was that. My to my shock, a couple weeks later I get a mail… Hey! How you doing? What’s happening etc etc. Seriously?? Apparently after he was so rude to me, he thought we would be friends. Bless… how could one person be SO delusional? I told him (again) that he was a dick and that I never wanted to speak to him again – I don’t have space for negativity.
So that was the end of that… consider yourself JUDGED and I am back to make my trusty snap judgements! They’re awesome!
The first date went well, we had good conversation and even had a bit of a smooch. He did leave me at the parking ticket payment machine to deal with the problem of it not reading my card, but I let it slide. But NO JUDGEMENT!
Second date… we were having dinner at my fave restaurant, DW 11-13. He was half an hour late – but he didn’t get the message I sent saying I could meet earlier. We both had the rack of lamb… which he proceeded to eat with him hands - yes, like he was at a weekend braai – and eat noisily with his mouth open. But NO JUDGEMENT!
Date three… we went to movies (saw Social Network… such a good movie!). He picked me up (late) and gave me a sad bunch of petrol station roses - they lasted about 12 hours, though it’s the thought that counts. He drove down the middle of Republic Road across both lanes at about 40 kms/ hour. He didn’t want popcorn but said he would have a little bit of mine. Turns out that means nom nom nom…. And he ate most of it. SO all in all, a fun night. But NO JUDGEMENT!
Fourth date. He came over to my house for wine and snacks. He was late. He scoffed the snacks (of course noisily with an open mouth) and went on about how awesome it was to live in the UK and that SA is crap. He was only in SA to see if he could find a wife and see how SA would work for him – it had already been two years. If you don’t like your homeland and can’t make a decision after two years, EFF OFF! While smooching on the couch, he practically crushed me and paid no attention to my discomfort, didn’t notice I was turning blue and didn’t hear my ribs cracking. He then also tried to sleep over! WTF? He did promise that nothing would happen…. Really? So he went home. But NO JUDGEMENT!
Fifth and (thank god) final date. We were having coffee. Guess what… he was late! When he did arrive, I had decided that I wasn’t going to be the one to make all the conversation. We sat in silence for most of the time. He then told me I was paying the bill and left. Again WTF? Oh and JUDGEMENT!!
I got an email the next week going on about how I was rude and had no manners…. Pardon?? I told him that he was a dick and good luck to anyone who out up with his crap. And I thought that was that. My to my shock, a couple weeks later I get a mail… Hey! How you doing? What’s happening etc etc. Seriously?? Apparently after he was so rude to me, he thought we would be friends. Bless… how could one person be SO delusional? I told him (again) that he was a dick and that I never wanted to speak to him again – I don’t have space for negativity.
So that was the end of that… consider yourself JUDGED and I am back to make my trusty snap judgements! They’re awesome!
Wednesday, 24 November 2010
Into the world of online dating
About 2 months ago, I registered for online dating, to see what cyber space held in terms of men. And two months later, I'm quite bored and feeling a bit let down. There are definitely not enough new men with anything resembling me requirements joining the site.
But about some of the men who have and who have taken a liking to me….
There are guys who like spanking, girls who want me to join her and her boyfriend (flattering but what I;m looking for right now), guys who can’t spell or string a coherent sentence together, those of few words – "Want to chat?" (how could I resist such a juicy offer??) and those who are just plain stalkerish – if I don’t reply to your first message, I probably won't reply to the ones you send every week after that.
Here is an example…
Spank_me_Red
BEHIND EVERY SUCCESSFUL MAN STANDS A PISSED OFF WOMAN WITH A WHIP!
Whack .... whack .... whack ........ I'm sorry Ma`am ..... ! I know I'm a bad boy ..... !! It's up to You to correct my behaviour ..... !
Your wish is my command Ma`am ! May I serve you and buy you toys and lingerie ? What do you desire ? Need an oral slave ? And then again, Im very handy braaing, washing a car or vacuuming in the nude ... specialy if motivated with a whip !
N.B. Apparently I have a very nice spankable behind !!
He describes his ideal match as:
Someone who wont take nonsense from a guy. Someone who will spank his cheecks until they glow in the dark. Someone discreet and trustworthy. Someone who like to be treated like the Goddess she is. Someone like YOU !
Why would you want to spank a adult guy ? Its a great stress releiver taking your frustrations out on a pair of naked buttocks. AND . You always wanted to see a man squirm and moan. AND . You secretly always wanted to do it !? And you will enjoy a naked man kneeling infront of you. AND . Your fantasy is my mission oh Goddess ! ( Available as naked house slave and waiter for your house party as well.) Non-smokers more than welcome to whip this nasty cravings out of me !
I've been on a few dates… the first was fine, but no spark. The second was probably the MOST boring date I think I have ever been on! And the third date turned into a few more dates, but I haven't made up my mind about that yet… I still feel like there is more out there and that it is all so much more exciting!
And the false advertising is amazing! The gingers (who I have huge aversion to) seem to really like me as well…. this freaks me out!! And they tend to describe themselves as having blonde or brown hair…I think not! And then the chunkier guys describing themselves as "Athletic"… maybe in the world of sumo wrestling? And then there are the guys who really shouldn't describe themselves as "Attractive" :) But bless, I guess everyone is trying to feel good about themselves and trying to find their 'soul mate', so best of luck!!
There are more stories to share, mostly about weird people who (probably for good reason) we don’t usually cross paths with, but who actually make me feel very normal and stable!
But about some of the men who have and who have taken a liking to me….
There are guys who like spanking, girls who want me to join her and her boyfriend (flattering but what I;m looking for right now), guys who can’t spell or string a coherent sentence together, those of few words – "Want to chat?" (how could I resist such a juicy offer??) and those who are just plain stalkerish – if I don’t reply to your first message, I probably won't reply to the ones you send every week after that.
Here is an example…
Spank_me_Red
BEHIND EVERY SUCCESSFUL MAN STANDS A PISSED OFF WOMAN WITH A WHIP!
Whack .... whack .... whack ........ I'm sorry Ma`am ..... ! I know I'm a bad boy ..... !! It's up to You to correct my behaviour ..... !
Your wish is my command Ma`am ! May I serve you and buy you toys and lingerie ? What do you desire ? Need an oral slave ? And then again, Im very handy braaing, washing a car or vacuuming in the nude ... specialy if motivated with a whip !
N.B. Apparently I have a very nice spankable behind !!
He describes his ideal match as:
Someone who wont take nonsense from a guy. Someone who will spank his cheecks until they glow in the dark. Someone discreet and trustworthy. Someone who like to be treated like the Goddess she is. Someone like YOU !
Why would you want to spank a adult guy ? Its a great stress releiver taking your frustrations out on a pair of naked buttocks. AND . You always wanted to see a man squirm and moan. AND . You secretly always wanted to do it !? And you will enjoy a naked man kneeling infront of you. AND . Your fantasy is my mission oh Goddess ! ( Available as naked house slave and waiter for your house party as well.) Non-smokers more than welcome to whip this nasty cravings out of me !
I've been on a few dates… the first was fine, but no spark. The second was probably the MOST boring date I think I have ever been on! And the third date turned into a few more dates, but I haven't made up my mind about that yet… I still feel like there is more out there and that it is all so much more exciting!
And the false advertising is amazing! The gingers (who I have huge aversion to) seem to really like me as well…. this freaks me out!! And they tend to describe themselves as having blonde or brown hair…I think not! And then the chunkier guys describing themselves as "Athletic"… maybe in the world of sumo wrestling? And then there are the guys who really shouldn't describe themselves as "Attractive" :) But bless, I guess everyone is trying to feel good about themselves and trying to find their 'soul mate', so best of luck!!
There are more stories to share, mostly about weird people who (probably for good reason) we don’t usually cross paths with, but who actually make me feel very normal and stable!
Friday, 8 October 2010
‘I’m a 107-year-old virgin’
Britain’s oldest virgin says her longevity is thanks to her never having sex.
Clara Meadmore recently celebrated her 107th birthday and says she never bothered bumping nasties with anyone because it seemed like too much hassle. Clara says she knew she would stay single from the age of 12 and focused on her career.
“People have asked whether I am a homosexual and the answer is no. I have just never been interested in or fancied sex,” says Clara.
“I imagine there is a lot of hassle involved. I have always been busy doing other things. “I’ve never been bothered about relationships."
“When I was a girl you only had sex with your husband and I never married.” - Daily Voice
Excuse me?? This is by far one of the most confusing stories I've read in a while. I understand that in the (very) old days, you didn't just sleep around and virginity was something to be cherished. But really? 107 years?
She says that she wanted to focus on her career. Fair enough, except that back in the 1920's careers were not what they are now... She could've been a clerk of some sort, a nurse, a teacher or a factory worker. Hardly a high flying career worth giving up sex for!
I agree that sex does sometimes complicate things and once in a while throws life a bit off balance, but just not to even try it? If you're busy doing other stuff, why not throw a little bit of sex into the mix?
Why you would be happy to live for SO long, without the finer pleasures in life, like sex, drinking, having fun and late nights? It just makes no sense to me! Here's bowing out before I hit 80!
Clara Meadmore recently celebrated her 107th birthday and says she never bothered bumping nasties with anyone because it seemed like too much hassle. Clara says she knew she would stay single from the age of 12 and focused on her career.
“People have asked whether I am a homosexual and the answer is no. I have just never been interested in or fancied sex,” says Clara.
“I imagine there is a lot of hassle involved. I have always been busy doing other things. “I’ve never been bothered about relationships."
“When I was a girl you only had sex with your husband and I never married.” - Daily Voice
Excuse me?? This is by far one of the most confusing stories I've read in a while. I understand that in the (very) old days, you didn't just sleep around and virginity was something to be cherished. But really? 107 years?
She says that she wanted to focus on her career. Fair enough, except that back in the 1920's careers were not what they are now... She could've been a clerk of some sort, a nurse, a teacher or a factory worker. Hardly a high flying career worth giving up sex for!
I agree that sex does sometimes complicate things and once in a while throws life a bit off balance, but just not to even try it? If you're busy doing other stuff, why not throw a little bit of sex into the mix?
Why you would be happy to live for SO long, without the finer pleasures in life, like sex, drinking, having fun and late nights? It just makes no sense to me! Here's bowing out before I hit 80!
Monday, 4 October 2010
A sportsman cheating?? Never!!
OMG! Another Sportsman has cheated on his wife? Can you believe it? Actually… yes!
Last week, it came out that cricketer Andre Nel cheated on his wife while in the UK. The (crazy) woman told the press all about it when she found out he was married – after their 2 week affair… that's more like a long one night stand in my books, but who am I to judge?
So the story comes out, another girl calls into Gareth Cliff and says she had affair with him (I assume a bit longer than 2 weeks) and the shit hits the fan.
My first response to hearing this was, "why is this front page news??". My second response was "duh!!". He's a man, it's what they do, so again, why is it worthy of the front page?
After the whole Tiger Woods scandal, why are people surprised? The only difference is that if you're a sportsman, your indiscretions make the front page and makes it that much harder to get away with it… and really, why don’t they consider this? I suppose that they aren’t thinking with their rational bits.
What does annoy me though about these men is that they cheat when their wives are pregnant… first Tiger, then Wayne Rooney and now Andre Nel. I think that I SO skanky! They're the ones who did that to her!! YOU made her fat and hormonal!! Take responsibility and deal with the state you've put her in like a man and stop sticking it to any girl with a pulse...
But now, it seems that Andre Nel has tried to "take his own life". I bet that journalist feels kinda bad… Since he made headlines last week, I'm going to hazard a guess and say it isn't an attention seeking ploy. So I reckon it's just so his wife will feel bad and take him back or some weird over the top way to show he's sorry.
Personally I think it's a really cowardly thing to do. Face up to your own mess and deal with it. If you’re man enough to screw around on your wife, be man enough to take the associated fall out and fix it! Don’t 'try' to take the easy way out! Women can see through that crap!
Last week, it came out that cricketer Andre Nel cheated on his wife while in the UK. The (crazy) woman told the press all about it when she found out he was married – after their 2 week affair… that's more like a long one night stand in my books, but who am I to judge?
So the story comes out, another girl calls into Gareth Cliff and says she had affair with him (I assume a bit longer than 2 weeks) and the shit hits the fan.
My first response to hearing this was, "why is this front page news??". My second response was "duh!!". He's a man, it's what they do, so again, why is it worthy of the front page?
After the whole Tiger Woods scandal, why are people surprised? The only difference is that if you're a sportsman, your indiscretions make the front page and makes it that much harder to get away with it… and really, why don’t they consider this? I suppose that they aren’t thinking with their rational bits.
What does annoy me though about these men is that they cheat when their wives are pregnant… first Tiger, then Wayne Rooney and now Andre Nel. I think that I SO skanky! They're the ones who did that to her!! YOU made her fat and hormonal!! Take responsibility and deal with the state you've put her in like a man and stop sticking it to any girl with a pulse...
But now, it seems that Andre Nel has tried to "take his own life". I bet that journalist feels kinda bad… Since he made headlines last week, I'm going to hazard a guess and say it isn't an attention seeking ploy. So I reckon it's just so his wife will feel bad and take him back or some weird over the top way to show he's sorry.
Personally I think it's a really cowardly thing to do. Face up to your own mess and deal with it. If you’re man enough to screw around on your wife, be man enough to take the associated fall out and fix it! Don’t 'try' to take the easy way out! Women can see through that crap!
Thursday, 30 September 2010
Online dating... the saga begins
I registered on an online dating website the other day. It's actually quite hard to come up with something about me that sounds good, not pretentious or over the top. And then asked what I'm looking for? I can tell you what I don’t want… sheesh, not easy putting it all into actual words! Lucky for me I got that fancy degree :-)
As part of my profile, I had to put in basic info about myself, generally what I look like, my interests and what I'm looking for, what I will and won't tolerate (like a married, heavy drinker from Brakpan) etc. I have discovered that since there are men involved, it doesn’t actually matter what I want. When I say I want a man who is taller than me, between the ages of 27 and 39 and living in Johannesburg, I don’t really mean a 5.5 foot, bald 50 year old guy living in Windhoek, who can’t string a sentence together!
After a few days of being registered on the site, I actually feel quite good about myself… I have quite a few fans and have received a number of messages. This all sounds fine until you look at the profiles and read the messages. Here are some perfect examples:
"hi there sexy...
Saw your profile and I think you deserve a chance to get to know me. I think we could get along well. If you are interested (which I know you will be). drop me a line, and if you sound as interesting as your profile says I might write back ;)"
… " WoW! This sounds like a damn advert, to sell one's self, but I guess I had to, since you sound so worth the effort. So, where to now? Please reply with your name and number and allow me to fulfill your most intimate wants and needs, dreams and desires. Try me... And brace yourself for the time of your life... Guaranteed!Pls reply with ur name and number as my membership will lapse within a few hours!"
"I must say you drop dead gorgeous........sorry for using a compliment that has possible been used a million times by others but as we get to know each other you will understand my uniqueness....."
But I am not perturbed… I have chatted with a couple guys (it only took me about half an hour to come up with something to say that wasn't too cheesy, over the top or lame.) and they seem ok.
So time will tell… I can guarantee though that I will be posting some of the more bizarre and "WTF??" profiles and messages I get. And naturally post about what kind of (normal) guys I end up meeting and chatting with.
As part of my profile, I had to put in basic info about myself, generally what I look like, my interests and what I'm looking for, what I will and won't tolerate (like a married, heavy drinker from Brakpan) etc. I have discovered that since there are men involved, it doesn’t actually matter what I want. When I say I want a man who is taller than me, between the ages of 27 and 39 and living in Johannesburg, I don’t really mean a 5.5 foot, bald 50 year old guy living in Windhoek, who can’t string a sentence together!
After a few days of being registered on the site, I actually feel quite good about myself… I have quite a few fans and have received a number of messages. This all sounds fine until you look at the profiles and read the messages. Here are some perfect examples:
"hi there sexy...
Saw your profile and I think you deserve a chance to get to know me. I think we could get along well. If you are interested (which I know you will be). drop me a line, and if you sound as interesting as your profile says I might write back ;)"
… " WoW! This sounds like a damn advert, to sell one's self, but I guess I had to, since you sound so worth the effort. So, where to now? Please reply with your name and number and allow me to fulfill your most intimate wants and needs, dreams and desires. Try me... And brace yourself for the time of your life... Guaranteed!Pls reply with ur name and number as my membership will lapse within a few hours!"
"I must say you drop dead gorgeous........sorry for using a compliment that has possible been used a million times by others but as we get to know each other you will understand my uniqueness....."
But I am not perturbed… I have chatted with a couple guys (it only took me about half an hour to come up with something to say that wasn't too cheesy, over the top or lame.) and they seem ok.
So time will tell… I can guarantee though that I will be posting some of the more bizarre and "WTF??" profiles and messages I get. And naturally post about what kind of (normal) guys I end up meeting and chatting with.
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