Don't get me wrong, there have been guys I've dated but only briefly. My dad always said I never gave them enough of a chance but to be honest, I reckon if you know it's not right why stick around?
I have been the problem a number of times... I have high standards. Obviously, otherwise I probably wouldn't be single. I prefer my partner to be similar to me in areas like lifestyle, intelligence (not necessarily academic just able to hold a decent conversation), similar values (family, honesty and a good heart), a connection and chemistry.
After a very bad patch and some bad decisions, I got myself sorted out. As they say, you meet someone when you're not looking. And I guess it's true. I was happy with myself and how my life was going. Unexpectedly I met someone. Someone I felt comfortable with and who I clicked with. All was good and happy!
But as often happens, it turns out we were in different places. It just wasn't as obvious as it had been in past relationships. And so I found out the hard way... by surprise and left heartbroken. Not a good combo. It was also a few days before I left for the US for 3 weeks.
As expected, I was initially pissed off, confused, crying and just a mess. But there was good that came out of it too. I was reminded of what awesome friends I have! They all threatened to kill him (of course!) and they all gave me so much support… super rich chocolate break-up cake, roses, company and hugs and messages. It made it easier to deal with.
Now that I'm back from 3 weeks on (literally) the other side of the world and back into the swing of the real world and old routines, I've realised that it feels like it never happened or at least happened ages ago. It's really strange! I think the holiday helped by removing me from the situation and letting me deal without other people going on about it. At least he didn’t leave it until after I got back! I would've worried that I hadn’t heard from him (I wouldn't have because his heart wasn’t in it), I would've obsessed about every little thing and not been able to just have fun and just be.
What has surprised me about myself is that I haven't reacted as I
usually would. I'm not angry. I'm not plotting some sort of revenge. I'm not
cringing or avoiding things that remind me of him (I'm actually embracing
them!!). I'm not bad mouthing him and using my extensive insult vocabulary. My friends
have taken care of that! I'm just keeping on and actually not feeling much
about it at all. I think that this might be because I am a better, more settled
person who is at ease and happy with myself. I think that because I was in such
a good place to start, it hasn’t affected me nearly as much as it would’ve a
year ago.
Another plus is that I probably won't see him again. We don't run in the
same social circles, live in the same neighbourhood or go to the same places.
We really have nothing much in common that would create that awkward, I want to
throw up, see you for the first time situation.
A close friend commented yesterday about how happy and ok I look (she
saw me at my worst straight after the break up), all things considered. And it's
true! I am happy and I can't even give happy pills credit for it! I even had an
urge to send him a very nice, polite message to say thank you for having great timing! Imagine!!
