Sexpo!!!

Last night, I went to the Sexpo with my brother. Yes, we do these things together and laugh our asses off!

We hopped in the car and drove off the Gallagher Estate in the pouring rain. After an hour or so of traffic, we arrived! We ran through the rain dodging puddles to join the other die-hards.

The first thing that caught our eye when we walked in (besides the good looking boy with a toight bum) was the “Stud Butler”. Let me explain…. It is a half dummy man that holds a dildo and moves backwards and forwards. He stands about 60 cm high and wears a tux (or gown should you wish) and has 3 interchangeable “attachments”. It also folds up into a nifty carry bag. He is remote controlled, has different thrusting speeds and a tilt option as well…. And it’s FREAKY looking!

There were also people in willy and boob suits walking around. The willy got tackled and couldn’t get up again…. It’s so sad when that happens…

THEN there was Pricasso. They guy who paints portraits with his willy…. Seriously!!! He was wearing boots and a hat. And using his willy as a paintbrush. Dipping it in paint and using it to paint portraits. In the serious discussion that followed, we decided that it was probably very desensitized, prone to infection due to paint getting up and probably a bit stretched too, though we couldn’t figure out what kind of paint he used…. (see below...)

There was also a Randy Rodeo. Instead of the usual bull that you ride, it was a giant cock. And by cock I mean willy.

There were a lot of sex shops, which are always fun to browse! And the DVD stands!? Hell, some very interesting covers and titles. Why do the girls always look a bit upset or uncomfortable on the cover? I thought they enjoying a cock in the face? The best title we saw was “The Da Vinci Load…. The Truth will cum out” hahahaha!! And some were SO shocking! We almost lost our lunch because of one cover, but I really can’t think about it!

And naturally, there were the sensible stands… AIDS, contraception, choices for women etc etc. The AIDS stand was interesting…. Free (and hopefully not the damaged) condoms, postcards, date rape prevention booklets (??) and a chart of sexual activities and their risk factor re AIDS….. apparently fisting and rimming are medium risk and any kind of sex is high risk. Kissing is no risk and so are toys (I guess they assume no one shares). And we learnt a new word/act! Dipping… we initially thought this was the same as tea-bagging, but it is actually another word for playing “just the tip”. See… it was also educational!

I also got whipped, played wiht a cat 'o 9 tails and tried out a cane on my brother... such fun, though i don't think I'd take it home.

So that was the first Sexpo in SA. And I would SO go to the next one!

Daily Dose of Madness! 17 September 07

Today’s Daily Sun is a goldmine!! Good lord!!! The crazy people are back! WOOOHOOOO!

“ZOMBIE TERROR!”

The Nkabinde family say there life has been turned into hell by a zombie – a young girl who died and then joined the living dead.

Apparently while the ‘journalists’ from the Sun were at the house, notes from the zombie mysteriously appeared. There was also a bottle of Fanta that was full when they put it in the fridge but only half full when they took it out! The zombie admitted to drinking the Fanta in her letters. Scary huh!? A zombie with a conscience?

The zombie also puts bones in their (the Nkabinde family) beds and threw vegetables at them. They need help…. And i don;t mean from the zombie!


“ATTACKED BY SEXY GIRLS!”

This man provoked a group of 13-14 year old girls by calling them little prostitutes. To punish him, the girls dragged him by the pants into a house, threw him on a bed and threatened him with a knife… and used him for sex!

According to the Daily Sun, “One by one they climbed onto his naked body, rubbing their thighs on his sex organs! But the sex attackers did NOT take off their panties!”

After the girls released him, he reported that he had been raped. The next day they were caught and whipped by people in the community.

Right.... a man was raped by a bunch of girls with panties on and also couldn't fight them off? Couldn't or wouldn't is the question....

Ahhh.... and the world seems crazy and right again!

Eeewwww!!!!

This is just a quick one.

I ahve recently noticed how many people don't use tissues to blow their noses!! it is REVOLTING!! Whether it is just on the street, in the shower or on the sports field. It's totally gross man!

It isn't that hard to use a tissue! Or is it only 'classy' and well raised people who use them? It's common courtesy! And they keep your hands clean....

6 years on....

It occurred to me yesterday, on the famous 9/11, that I have been single for almost 6 years now. This time 6 years ago, I had a fantastic boyfriend and was very happy. I remember smsing by boyfriend, who was in a diving course, to tell him about the World Trade Centre while I was watching the second plane hit.

6 years….

There have been ‘boyfriends’ in between but I don’t think they would fit the proper classification. Usually, they were of a more casual nature, assholes or just not into the whole thing, and the same could be said for me.

So I was thinking about whether this would continue for another 6 years. Will I be in the same position when the 10 year anniversary comes around? What if I am? What then? I will be in my 30’s and surely should at least have a serious relationship behind me. Isn’t that the way these things work?

Though perhaps if I am single, I can catch the second round of guys - those who have had long relationships or been married and divorced? Of course there is always the danger of baggage…. kids, bitchy ex wives, and possible irreparable damage caused by all these bad relationships. And I don’t particularly like damaged goods! But don’t get me wrong, everyone is damaged in some way, it all depends on the degree.

So, I think I may have to resign myself and buckle down for another 6 single years…. Though you never know, with all the natural disasters and freaks of nature and global warming going on these days, me settling down may be included?

PINK!!!

I went to the Pink concert at the Dome on Sunday night, with my brother. It was AWESOME!! It definitely made my top 5 as far as concerts go.

We decided we had to go Golden Circle…. Who wants to mix with the riff raff of society? It turns out that Golden Circle isn’t as special as it used to be, considering almost anyone can get a credit card these days! But we had fun nonetheless.

One thing we did notice is that there were lesbians EVERYWHERE!! And I’m not talking about ‘lesbians’ you see in the ‘media’. I’m talking big, scary dykes and their bitches. Like my brother said, it looked like a Lesbainian Convention! So many brush cuts! There were also lots of sweet little gay boys running around… Not something you see that often in Joburg, unless you’re at Gay Pride or a QC party.

(And i am not alone in this.... most people i know who were at the concert commented on this) and (NO... i am not homophobic, just making an observation)

But back to Pink. She is gorgeous (I can see what the lesbians like), she has a fantastic presence and she is quite funny! She is entertaining and she sounds the same as she does on her CD’s, which is unusual these days!

So all in all, it was an awesome night and worth every cent!