I was out having a glass of wine with a friend the other day and the topic inevitably turned to men. We discussed the latest ones on the scene, those we had seen around and who weren’t looking as good as we remembered and then how things had ended with some of these men. I think everyone has been the victim of a bad breakup, whether it’s a messy one or one that is less than satisfactory – the ones with lots of loose ends.
There should be a basic protocol that should be followed when breaking up with someone. Now I can’t comment on the best way to end a long-term serious relationship, but I can comment on the rest. First, don’t just disappear. That’s just cowardly! And in this day and age quite a difficult thing to do! Everyone is so available, you have at least 5 different ways to get hold of someone, so disappearing is impossible. Having all these various communication channels also makes it easier for people to break up using the wrong medium. It is NOT ok to dump someone by writing on their Facebook wall, by changing your relationship status or mentioning them in a Tweet – “Hi @insertname, I think we should break up #ItsNotYouItsMe”. You should also avoid email and sms and just go the face to face or phone call route. It used to be that it was face to face or nothing – unless you were attempting a long distance relationship and then a call was ok.
Now when it comes to reasons, a lot of people become unstuck. You want to tell the truth, but you don’t want to be too harsh. No one likes to look like a dick afterwards! You CANNOT say “I guess like your favourite book says, I’m just not that into you”!!! No one quotes scripture when they break up with someone – well not in my world! You also can’t say “it’s because I think I have a real shot with your best friend”.
However, I think that if the other person does have their wits about them and has questions, you should answer them and probably do it as truthfully as possible, while still being sensitive. If not, you’re leaving loose ends and more questions.
Also, what is protocol when it comes to gifts and tokens? If someone has bought you a car and it’s in your name, do you give it back? Do you give back a ring, especially one with a really big, pretty, sparkly stone? My first response would be no, especially if you’re the one who’s been dumped – it’s kind of like severance pay. And you don’t take presents back when you break up with a friend… a gift is a gift. Though on the flip side, if I were to break someone’s heart for whatever reason, I may feel guilty enough to give them something back… I’m just not sure what, maybe a photo frame or something?
So if you find yourself in the awkward and painful position of being the one to break up with someone, just think about how you would like to be broken up with and apply it to the situation. If you don’t, you never know, you may be broken up with on Facebook with a message like “Your dick is too small. I think we should see other people. Oh! And by the way, I’m dating your much more well-endowed brother… guess we know who got the good genes in the family!”
Monday 12 December 2011
The Game
I am busy reading the book, The Game by Neil Strauss. It’s a very interesting book about how to be a player, apparently with the aim of finding the right woman or something along those lines.
What brought this about was a sneaky suspicion that I may be being played. And considering that I thought I knew the Game pretty well and have played it for many years, this was not ayoba! I have seen this book around, on various men’s bookshelves… This was a book I could no longer ignore and had to know more about. So I bought it and the follow up book, “The Rules of the Game”. I now consider myself a bit more educated in the way of the pick-up and feel confident that I can spot a pick-up if need be. Although, I’m not sure if guys are consciously doing it.
So far, I have learnt a couple things from the (first) book and have put some of the techniques to use, with positive results! For example, he talks about ‘negging’. This is when you pay someone an underhanded compliment. I used it on a young, hot colleague of mine. He was showing off his (very impressive) biceps, so I said “Nice, but I’ve seen better”. He then tried to change my mind the rest of the night. And obviously I got to squeeze them regularly, in a bid to change my mind. It got even more fun when I told him that his best friend was above him on my “Hot List”.
Some of the techniques in the book are a bit over the top and sometimes just ridiculous. Things like learning magic tricks, NLP, hypnosis and so on. The way I see it, you shouldn’t have to do all sorts of tricks to pick up a girl.
Something else I have noticed while “out in the field” is that a lot of guys have a problem with the
follow up. They can make a great opening, but then fail to impress further. For example, I was out with the girls on Friday night and a guy walked past and said he would also be looking after us, just after our waiter had introduced himself and said the same thing. Not a bad start… later he came to speak to us, with his married friend in tow – who left about 10 minutes later. From then, this guy proceeded to dig himself deeper and deeper into the “I’m a moron” hole. He showed off his car keys (Mercedes – an old man car), his horse, talked about how he loved hunting (which I refused to talk to him about, because I don’t agree with it), spoke into his walkie talkie (he apparently owns a security company), even dropped his pants (not his boxers, thank god!!) and the list goes on! Eventually he left because we were talking amongst ourselves and having a giggle at his expense. But before he left, he decided it would be a great idea to surprise me with a big smooch… not the best surprise, but bless him, he tried! And left us with A LOT of good private laughs!
So the lesson here is if you think got Game you need to back it up… this isn’t a sprint, it’s a
marathon. Don’t be a chop.
I must say that is quite a fun social experiment so far… I could really have some fun with this,
though I do think it gets a bit boring and empty eventually. People shouldn’t have to have plays that they run to meet each other. It’s real life, not a basketball game.
What brought this about was a sneaky suspicion that I may be being played. And considering that I thought I knew the Game pretty well and have played it for many years, this was not ayoba! I have seen this book around, on various men’s bookshelves… This was a book I could no longer ignore and had to know more about. So I bought it and the follow up book, “The Rules of the Game”. I now consider myself a bit more educated in the way of the pick-up and feel confident that I can spot a pick-up if need be. Although, I’m not sure if guys are consciously doing it.
So far, I have learnt a couple things from the (first) book and have put some of the techniques to use, with positive results! For example, he talks about ‘negging’. This is when you pay someone an underhanded compliment. I used it on a young, hot colleague of mine. He was showing off his (very impressive) biceps, so I said “Nice, but I’ve seen better”. He then tried to change my mind the rest of the night. And obviously I got to squeeze them regularly, in a bid to change my mind. It got even more fun when I told him that his best friend was above him on my “Hot List”.
Some of the techniques in the book are a bit over the top and sometimes just ridiculous. Things like learning magic tricks, NLP, hypnosis and so on. The way I see it, you shouldn’t have to do all sorts of tricks to pick up a girl.
Something else I have noticed while “out in the field” is that a lot of guys have a problem with the
follow up. They can make a great opening, but then fail to impress further. For example, I was out with the girls on Friday night and a guy walked past and said he would also be looking after us, just after our waiter had introduced himself and said the same thing. Not a bad start… later he came to speak to us, with his married friend in tow – who left about 10 minutes later. From then, this guy proceeded to dig himself deeper and deeper into the “I’m a moron” hole. He showed off his car keys (Mercedes – an old man car), his horse, talked about how he loved hunting (which I refused to talk to him about, because I don’t agree with it), spoke into his walkie talkie (he apparently owns a security company), even dropped his pants (not his boxers, thank god!!) and the list goes on! Eventually he left because we were talking amongst ourselves and having a giggle at his expense. But before he left, he decided it would be a great idea to surprise me with a big smooch… not the best surprise, but bless him, he tried! And left us with A LOT of good private laughs!
So the lesson here is if you think got Game you need to back it up… this isn’t a sprint, it’s a
marathon. Don’t be a chop.
I must say that is quite a fun social experiment so far… I could really have some fun with this,
though I do think it gets a bit boring and empty eventually. People shouldn’t have to have plays that they run to meet each other. It’s real life, not a basketball game.
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