Ok…. This post will be a sort of update on some previous posts. Regarding the ATNA post, the buy mentioned FINALLY came through and acted out some of the talk. Much to my relief… J But I think that will be that, since there is no more to really be left to the imagination or to be written about. So consider it closed and filed away under “Been there, done that”.
I have also got my car back. I have to admit I did miss her (even if she is possessed). She is looking very red and shiny! When I went to pick her up, I had to do the obligatory walk around, make sure everything looked fine. But considering the state she was in the last time I saw her, almost anything looks better! All I need is 2 headlights intact and a bumper and nothing pushing my engine back and I’m happy! Easy to please, I know. But alas, it was not to be perfect. The left headlight wasn’t sitting right and the bonnet was sitting a bit squiff. So, back she goes on Thursday for a tweak and hopefully that’ll be that. On the way home from the panel beaters, I gave her a bit of a talking to and explained that although we have had a few fun years together, it was time for me to move on (to a car that is hopefully not possessed)
It really was great to be able to drive myself out for dinner! I am totally grateful that my parents are retired and go on holiday almost every weekend. I borrowed my mother’s car on weekends and enjoyed the semblance of independence. But nothing beats driving your own car, and not feeling like a bit of a fraud in a BMW.
The BMW is great, it has a TV, front loader and GPS in case I ever wondered exactly which street I was on and what my altitude and precise map location was. But… it’s an automatic. It really takes the mindless contentment of changing gears, using a clutch and coasting down hills in neutral out of the equation. I did once try the neutral thing, but forgot to put the car in drive to pull off again. That car can rev! It was embarrassing….
So that’s my news! I’m off to the South Coast on Saturday morning at sparrow’s fart, for a long weekend of relaxing and chilling with 7 boys and enjoying some good quality man eye candy spotting – this ALWAYS works well in a group!
I will write again upon my return!
Thursday 26 April 2007
Tuesday 24 April 2007
Karma...
I have been thinking about this whole karma thing of late. Is it a full pakage or do different things affect different areas? Are there categories? Relationship karma? General life karma? What's the deal?
I know all about bad relationship karma. I have been trying to get back into the good karma balance for a while now. Of course I do deserve a lot of the bad relationship karma going all the way back to high school. I was never a good girlfriend! And I guess it all came back to bite me in the ass. But I think it’s almost done. I really hope it is!
In the general karma department, I don’t see why I should have bad karma… I do charity work, I try to be nice to people, I pay my taxes and let people into the traffic (when I have a car). So why now, have I had such bad luck driving – only in the last 6 months, when I have had a licence for 11 years? I also got a speeding fine, (my secind in 11 years) on William Nicol, on the way to where I had my accident, the week before. Guns ‘n Roses cancelled and I have been dying to see them live since I was 14. My toilet seat has broken in half (while I was sitting on it – I got quite a fright!). And my cupboards have become infested with weevils and I have had to throw out every single wheat related product.
Now I understand that things could be much worse! I won’t jinx myself and put them in writing.
But is it bad karma or a situation of “When it rains, it pours”? What is to be done to remedy this? Should I do even more charity work? Take in strays (animals not men)? Become a Buddhist or vegetarian? Who knows???
Maybe once I get my car back, things will go back to normal, or when I buy a new one. Perhaps my car is possessed and I should get the Daily Sun to do a story on it… maybe they throw in a free sangoma to exorcise the demons…
I know all about bad relationship karma. I have been trying to get back into the good karma balance for a while now. Of course I do deserve a lot of the bad relationship karma going all the way back to high school. I was never a good girlfriend! And I guess it all came back to bite me in the ass. But I think it’s almost done. I really hope it is!
In the general karma department, I don’t see why I should have bad karma… I do charity work, I try to be nice to people, I pay my taxes and let people into the traffic (when I have a car). So why now, have I had such bad luck driving – only in the last 6 months, when I have had a licence for 11 years? I also got a speeding fine, (my secind in 11 years) on William Nicol, on the way to where I had my accident, the week before. Guns ‘n Roses cancelled and I have been dying to see them live since I was 14. My toilet seat has broken in half (while I was sitting on it – I got quite a fright!). And my cupboards have become infested with weevils and I have had to throw out every single wheat related product.
Now I understand that things could be much worse! I won’t jinx myself and put them in writing.
But is it bad karma or a situation of “When it rains, it pours”? What is to be done to remedy this? Should I do even more charity work? Take in strays (animals not men)? Become a Buddhist or vegetarian? Who knows???
Maybe once I get my car back, things will go back to normal, or when I buy a new one. Perhaps my car is possessed and I should get the Daily Sun to do a story on it… maybe they throw in a free sangoma to exorcise the demons…
Monday 23 April 2007
Daily dose of madness - 23 April 07
Meet my Daughter – A GOAT!
“This woman has a loving relationship – in fact a mother-and-daughter relationship – with a goat!”
This lady (Dorris) has been raising this goat (named Nosisi) since the day after she was born. The goat watches TV, tries to answer the phone and goes to sleep after 8 pm on it’s own mattress. Dorris even believes the goat is trying to speak! “Nosisi said ‘Maaa’ when she saw me!” “I know people will say this is a cock and bull story, yet white people have relationships with animals and nothing is ever said!” Nosisi eats cornflakes in the morning and an apple, and then drinks milk from a baby bottle. Nosisi also ahs a good relationship with Dorris’ boyfriend…. (that’s just dodgy!!) And she would never eat the goat if it died, it would get a proper funeral.
Saved by my dead Gogo!
A man (who looks like a very stoned Rasta) was driving a ‘huge digging machine’ that fell into a deep hole (but not deep enough for it to actually disappear, it only fell about 3m). He thought he was going to die, but screamed his dead gogo’s name “as he plunged into the depths’ – and he lived!” WOW! Amazing!
These people and stories NEVER cease to amaze me!
“This woman has a loving relationship – in fact a mother-and-daughter relationship – with a goat!”
This lady (Dorris) has been raising this goat (named Nosisi) since the day after she was born. The goat watches TV, tries to answer the phone and goes to sleep after 8 pm on it’s own mattress. Dorris even believes the goat is trying to speak! “Nosisi said ‘Maaa’ when she saw me!” “I know people will say this is a cock and bull story, yet white people have relationships with animals and nothing is ever said!” Nosisi eats cornflakes in the morning and an apple, and then drinks milk from a baby bottle. Nosisi also ahs a good relationship with Dorris’ boyfriend…. (that’s just dodgy!!) And she would never eat the goat if it died, it would get a proper funeral.
Saved by my dead Gogo!
A man (who looks like a very stoned Rasta) was driving a ‘huge digging machine’ that fell into a deep hole (but not deep enough for it to actually disappear, it only fell about 3m). He thought he was going to die, but screamed his dead gogo’s name “as he plunged into the depths’ – and he lived!” WOW! Amazing!
These people and stories NEVER cease to amaze me!
How to go about the pickup - for the girls
I’ve touched on what men need to not do, but there is always a flip side! Girls…. We’ve all been guilty of a couple of these little mistakes….
1. Never talk about marriage and kids when attempting to pick up a man! This makes them very nervous! The thought of meeting someone who is already inserting them into wedding pictures and family albums may be too much for a man to handle, they are quite delicate sometimes. They see their futures flashing before their eyes and it includes something close to incarceration.
2. Don’t talk about your ex. It just sounds bad. Either you come across as bitter or not over him. Men don’t like competition, perceived or otherwise.
3. Another thing to try is not scare him away with talk of your “Rabbit” and how you like whips and chains… again, they get very scared and everything shrinks. They are easily intimidated.
4. And here’s a toughy…. Never let on that you’re very intelligent but at the same time don’t dumb it down too much… The way to tell whether it’s working or not is to watch for the tell-tale glazed look (in their eyes). That is the time to drop in a comment such as “What do you think of the Bulls front line? Perhaps they should move (insert front line players name) to (insert different position)? Or “Do you think that Graeme Smith should be moved further down the batting order?” This will get them back…. And you back in the player’s seat.
5. And finally, play hard to get, but not too hard! Some challenge is good, but you don’t want to come off looking like a stuck up bitch. Unless he deserves it or pulls any of the moves mentioned in the previous post. Then he deserves it!
I can’t be 100% sure if these are fool proof, because when we think it’s figured out, they change (only slightly). They get girlier and more sensitive. They may break into sobs for no good reason…. You never can tell!
But good luck anyway! I say a crying man is no good and worth running from, who needs the extra oestrogen? We have more than enough of our own! And if he passes up on your utter fabulousness, he wasn’t worth it anyway!
1. Never talk about marriage and kids when attempting to pick up a man! This makes them very nervous! The thought of meeting someone who is already inserting them into wedding pictures and family albums may be too much for a man to handle, they are quite delicate sometimes. They see their futures flashing before their eyes and it includes something close to incarceration.
2. Don’t talk about your ex. It just sounds bad. Either you come across as bitter or not over him. Men don’t like competition, perceived or otherwise.
3. Another thing to try is not scare him away with talk of your “Rabbit” and how you like whips and chains… again, they get very scared and everything shrinks. They are easily intimidated.
4. And here’s a toughy…. Never let on that you’re very intelligent but at the same time don’t dumb it down too much… The way to tell whether it’s working or not is to watch for the tell-tale glazed look (in their eyes). That is the time to drop in a comment such as “What do you think of the Bulls front line? Perhaps they should move (insert front line players name) to (insert different position)? Or “Do you think that Graeme Smith should be moved further down the batting order?” This will get them back…. And you back in the player’s seat.
5. And finally, play hard to get, but not too hard! Some challenge is good, but you don’t want to come off looking like a stuck up bitch. Unless he deserves it or pulls any of the moves mentioned in the previous post. Then he deserves it!
I can’t be 100% sure if these are fool proof, because when we think it’s figured out, they change (only slightly). They get girlier and more sensitive. They may break into sobs for no good reason…. You never can tell!
But good luck anyway! I say a crying man is no good and worth running from, who needs the extra oestrogen? We have more than enough of our own! And if he passes up on your utter fabulousness, he wasn’t worth it anyway!
Friday 20 April 2007
A day from hell!!
I should've stayed in bed. But NO, here I am!
My day started off well, nothing untoward happened. But, on my way to work I heard the fantastic announcement on 5FM that Guns 'n Roses had cancelled their gig as part of the Coke Fest next weekend! I nearly lost my coffee! The only reason I paid close to R600 for a golden circle ticket was to see them. The rest of the bands suck...
I have been wanting to see GnR live since i was 14! It is not to be. At least we are getting refunded.
My work day has also been hectic. I have been asked to do deathly important (it would seem) work for 3 different people. Do i look like I have 3 heads and 7 arms? I checked, i don't! After a morning of incessant juggling of URGENT tasks, things seem to have calmed down... Hopefully!
And thankfully, it is only 2 1/2 hours until i can take my ass up to the pub for some free drinks! Lord knows i need it!!
My day started off well, nothing untoward happened. But, on my way to work I heard the fantastic announcement on 5FM that Guns 'n Roses had cancelled their gig as part of the Coke Fest next weekend! I nearly lost my coffee! The only reason I paid close to R600 for a golden circle ticket was to see them. The rest of the bands suck...
I have been wanting to see GnR live since i was 14! It is not to be. At least we are getting refunded.
My work day has also been hectic. I have been asked to do deathly important (it would seem) work for 3 different people. Do i look like I have 3 heads and 7 arms? I checked, i don't! After a morning of incessant juggling of URGENT tasks, things seem to have calmed down... Hopefully!
And thankfully, it is only 2 1/2 hours until i can take my ass up to the pub for some free drinks! Lord knows i need it!!
Thursday 19 April 2007
All talk no action (ATNA)
When did men become all talk? I know it has always been going on but when did it become the fashion? And are we supposed to put up with it? I think not!!
At the moment I am stuck in such a situation. There is a guy (obviously) and we have been emailing backwards and forwards and have recently started with the smses. You can imagine the gist of the messages… little innuendos, hints and what could happen etc etc. But when it comes to the crunch, he chickens out. There is nothing more annoying than talking the situation up, only to be let down! It irritates the crap out of me! And then when I call it on him, the excuses come out. I had to work, I had plans, I was dying and so on.
Now this is not the only situation of ATNA that I have been exposed to in the last week. On Saturday, my brother and I went to a Ford dealer to look at the new Fiesta that I have my eye on as a replacement to my (very bad luck) car, in the near future. I test drove one and it was fantastic! I spoke to the sales guy and gave him all my details and exactly what I was looking for. He promised he would phone me on Monday before 12, once he had contacted the other dealers about what they had for me. It is now Thursday… and NOTHING! I left a message for him on Tuesday, and no call back. Yet another man suffering from ATNA.
I say we need to put a stop to this!!! Men need to grow some balls again and stop being such p*ussy’s!! I am going to take a stand and say “NO!!” to ATNA. I will no longer believe a man when he says he will do something and I plan to call him on it when he starts with the talk again!
At the moment I am stuck in such a situation. There is a guy (obviously) and we have been emailing backwards and forwards and have recently started with the smses. You can imagine the gist of the messages… little innuendos, hints and what could happen etc etc. But when it comes to the crunch, he chickens out. There is nothing more annoying than talking the situation up, only to be let down! It irritates the crap out of me! And then when I call it on him, the excuses come out. I had to work, I had plans, I was dying and so on.
Now this is not the only situation of ATNA that I have been exposed to in the last week. On Saturday, my brother and I went to a Ford dealer to look at the new Fiesta that I have my eye on as a replacement to my (very bad luck) car, in the near future. I test drove one and it was fantastic! I spoke to the sales guy and gave him all my details and exactly what I was looking for. He promised he would phone me on Monday before 12, once he had contacted the other dealers about what they had for me. It is now Thursday… and NOTHING! I left a message for him on Tuesday, and no call back. Yet another man suffering from ATNA.
I say we need to put a stop to this!!! Men need to grow some balls again and stop being such p*ussy’s!! I am going to take a stand and say “NO!!” to ATNA. I will no longer believe a man when he says he will do something and I plan to call him on it when he starts with the talk again!
Wednesday 18 April 2007
Daily Dose of Madness!
CROWD BURNS EVIL CLOTHES!
A man allegedly killed his father. When the residents of the area saw him in court two weeks later, he was wearing different clothes to those he was arrested in. They broke into his house and took his clothes and burned them on the spot where he killed his father. His clothes are apparently evil because someone brought him a change of clothing. Huh?
THEY DUG HER UP BUT SHE WAS STILL DEAD…
A family dug up the body of a dead relative six months after they buried her, convinced she would come back to life. And guess what… she didn’t! And now the family is going to court. “Even Jesus Christ rose after 3 days, not 6 months! Said magistrate Sam Nkuna “So where did you hear such miracles could happen to a badly decomposed corpse?”
I AM NOT FLYING GOGO!
The lady who was accused of being the “Flying Gogo” (see earlier posts) wants people to stop accusing her of being the “flying gogo”. Apparently she is being mistaken for the ‘flying gogo’ and being accused of being a witch. Her husband says he would never allow her to be a witch.
A man allegedly killed his father. When the residents of the area saw him in court two weeks later, he was wearing different clothes to those he was arrested in. They broke into his house and took his clothes and burned them on the spot where he killed his father. His clothes are apparently evil because someone brought him a change of clothing. Huh?
THEY DUG HER UP BUT SHE WAS STILL DEAD…
A family dug up the body of a dead relative six months after they buried her, convinced she would come back to life. And guess what… she didn’t! And now the family is going to court. “Even Jesus Christ rose after 3 days, not 6 months! Said magistrate Sam Nkuna “So where did you hear such miracles could happen to a badly decomposed corpse?”
I AM NOT FLYING GOGO!
The lady who was accused of being the “Flying Gogo” (see earlier posts) wants people to stop accusing her of being the “flying gogo”. Apparently she is being mistaken for the ‘flying gogo’ and being accused of being a witch. Her husband says he would never allow her to be a witch.
How to go about the actual pickup
Now that you have a very basic idea of the people to stay away from, here is some advice for the next step… the pick up.
A lot of people find it very scary, but you just need to take it easy and keeo the following in mind.
These mostly apply to men….
Never hump the other persons leg, or rub your crotch up on someone, even on the dance floor. This WILL get you hurt! And no one likes an elbow in the stomach or knee in the crotch (unless you’re a bit strange)
Never compliment someone on a body part. Rather stick to a piece of clothing or something as inane.
Never stare at the opposite persons boobs or crotch, even if they enclosed in body hugging clothing, such as a Wonderbra or a tight jean pant.
Never get in the other person’s space. No one wants to smell what you had for dinner 2 nights ago. This also includes touching people in those places that make them uncomfortable, such as upper legs, waist or hand, it’s just weird! There’s no need to get unnecessarily touchy-feely! You’ll only get hurt.
You need a good pick up line. The pick up line hasn’t really ever had a good rap. Lines such as “Your clothes would look great on my floor” or “Is your father thief? He stole the stars out of the sky and put them in your eyes” are just sad! Finds something original!
Another thing that may affect your first impression, for the men, is the handshake. It is essential that you find a middle ground. There is no need to crush a lady’s hand and make her lose all feeling. This will not help you! Also, the dead fish, limp and soft handshake is even worse! It gives the wrong impression and makes her think all your parts are soft and limp. Also, no need to shake just her fingers, unless we are 80 years old. Shake the whole hand, that’s the way a man would do it!
Once the pick up is done, make sure you have some decent conversation to add to the mix. Keeping up to date with the latest news and gossip usually helps. But do not go into detail about Paris Hilton’s series of sex tapes and your take on her (very) personal waxers skills. That isn’t gossip!
With these suggestions in mind, good luck! You may have the skills but luck has a lot to do with it!
A lot of people find it very scary, but you just need to take it easy and keeo the following in mind.
These mostly apply to men….
Never hump the other persons leg, or rub your crotch up on someone, even on the dance floor. This WILL get you hurt! And no one likes an elbow in the stomach or knee in the crotch (unless you’re a bit strange)
Never compliment someone on a body part. Rather stick to a piece of clothing or something as inane.
Never stare at the opposite persons boobs or crotch, even if they enclosed in body hugging clothing, such as a Wonderbra or a tight jean pant.
Never get in the other person’s space. No one wants to smell what you had for dinner 2 nights ago. This also includes touching people in those places that make them uncomfortable, such as upper legs, waist or hand, it’s just weird! There’s no need to get unnecessarily touchy-feely! You’ll only get hurt.
You need a good pick up line. The pick up line hasn’t really ever had a good rap. Lines such as “Your clothes would look great on my floor” or “Is your father thief? He stole the stars out of the sky and put them in your eyes” are just sad! Finds something original!
Another thing that may affect your first impression, for the men, is the handshake. It is essential that you find a middle ground. There is no need to crush a lady’s hand and make her lose all feeling. This will not help you! Also, the dead fish, limp and soft handshake is even worse! It gives the wrong impression and makes her think all your parts are soft and limp. Also, no need to shake just her fingers, unless we are 80 years old. Shake the whole hand, that’s the way a man would do it!
Once the pick up is done, make sure you have some decent conversation to add to the mix. Keeping up to date with the latest news and gossip usually helps. But do not go into detail about Paris Hilton’s series of sex tapes and your take on her (very) personal waxers skills. That isn’t gossip!
With these suggestions in mind, good luck! You may have the skills but luck has a lot to do with it!
Tuesday 17 April 2007
Rule No. 2
Hitting on a friends ex.
You don’t hit on a friend’s ex. I learnt this one the hard way. It almost broke up a friendship. If the guy has ever been mentioned in conversation, as an ex or ‘someone I had a fling with’ etc, he is off limits even if they only dated for a short time. If they dated for a long time, they are DEFINITELY off limits!
It is a bit touch and go when a friend says I’m over ‘Mr Fling’. This could be a friend just saying that because she feels it’s the right thing to say. But you can never be sure whether she really means it. I think it’s best just to stay away.
My problem with this rule stems back to my high school days. My best friend, Thelma, and I used to share exes. Once it was over, they were fair game. I later found out this was a unique situation! Good times! … sigh….
Personally, if a friend wants to date F*ck face, who I dated last year, then fine, it’s your problem and you have my sympathy! But, if a friend wanted to or did hook up with 1st love, I would probably be rather upset. Even though it was years ago, it would still not be cool!
It also depends on the friend. If it is someone who is very sensitive and views all relationships as important, then again, I say stay away. If it’s someone who doesn’t invest emotionally and who doesn’t really care, then you could probably go ahead.
I think this is a pool that needs to be dipped in at your own risk!
You don’t hit on a friend’s ex. I learnt this one the hard way. It almost broke up a friendship. If the guy has ever been mentioned in conversation, as an ex or ‘someone I had a fling with’ etc, he is off limits even if they only dated for a short time. If they dated for a long time, they are DEFINITELY off limits!
It is a bit touch and go when a friend says I’m over ‘Mr Fling’. This could be a friend just saying that because she feels it’s the right thing to say. But you can never be sure whether she really means it. I think it’s best just to stay away.
My problem with this rule stems back to my high school days. My best friend, Thelma, and I used to share exes. Once it was over, they were fair game. I later found out this was a unique situation! Good times! … sigh….
Personally, if a friend wants to date F*ck face, who I dated last year, then fine, it’s your problem and you have my sympathy! But, if a friend wanted to or did hook up with 1st love, I would probably be rather upset. Even though it was years ago, it would still not be cool!
It also depends on the friend. If it is someone who is very sensitive and views all relationships as important, then again, I say stay away. If it’s someone who doesn’t invest emotionally and who doesn’t really care, then you could probably go ahead.
I think this is a pool that needs to be dipped in at your own risk!
Daily Dose of Madness!
HORNY TOKOLOSHE FINDS ME SEXY!
I kid you not! Apparently this guy has been sursed. He walks around the streets naked because the tokoloshe told him how sexy he looks naked. According to a relative, “Now he say he doesn’t want sex with the ugly tokoloshe anymore, but when he refuses, it holds him down!”
WTF??
NEVER PINCH A LADY COP’S BUM!
A guy grabbed the bum of a female cop. When she turned around to defend herself, he grabbed her around the neck. When reinforcements arrived and arrested him, he peed in his pants. “The guy apologised to the female cop and tears streamed down his face along with the pee down his legs”.
You CAN”T make this stuff up!!
I kid you not! Apparently this guy has been sursed. He walks around the streets naked because the tokoloshe told him how sexy he looks naked. According to a relative, “Now he say he doesn’t want sex with the ugly tokoloshe anymore, but when he refuses, it holds him down!”
WTF??
NEVER PINCH A LADY COP’S BUM!
A guy grabbed the bum of a female cop. When she turned around to defend herself, he grabbed her around the neck. When reinforcements arrived and arrested him, he peed in his pants. “The guy apologised to the female cop and tears streamed down his face along with the pee down his legs”.
You CAN”T make this stuff up!!
Monday 16 April 2007
Daily Dose of Madness!
VOICE FROM THE GRAVE
Dead man causes chaos at his own funeral!
“Dig me up and do it again, he said AND SO THEY DID!”
First he didn’t want a coffin. Then he was facing the wrong way!
First, they buried the wrong body. Two days later, they tried again, with the right body. But then, a cold wind sprang up and Mike spoke to them from the grave… saying they were not following his last wishes on earth!
At the actual burial, two 18 year olds went into a trance at the graveside. The mourners didn’t believe them when they said they had to take him out if the coffin, until a sweeping southerly wind started blowing and threw the funeral into a panic. “They frantically ripped the coffin apart and rolled out Mike’s body, wrapped it up in a blanket”.
Apparently Mike wasn’t happy with the design of his grave and being buried in a coffin or the way he was facing.
Talk about high maintenance!
Have you noticed how every headline ends with "!"?
Dead man causes chaos at his own funeral!
“Dig me up and do it again, he said AND SO THEY DID!”
First he didn’t want a coffin. Then he was facing the wrong way!
First, they buried the wrong body. Two days later, they tried again, with the right body. But then, a cold wind sprang up and Mike spoke to them from the grave… saying they were not following his last wishes on earth!
At the actual burial, two 18 year olds went into a trance at the graveside. The mourners didn’t believe them when they said they had to take him out if the coffin, until a sweeping southerly wind started blowing and threw the funeral into a panic. “They frantically ripped the coffin apart and rolled out Mike’s body, wrapped it up in a blanket”.
Apparently Mike wasn’t happy with the design of his grave and being buried in a coffin or the way he was facing.
Talk about high maintenance!
Have you noticed how every headline ends with "!"?
The Rules of the game…
When it comes to being single and dating, there are a lot of rules that have to be followed. Some are more flexible than others, but the fact remains that they are there for a reason. Personally I’m not a huge fan of rules so I don’t always follow them but I do respect them and try my utmost to do the right thing! I promise!
And they will follow, in no particular order….
Rule No 1
It is NEVER ok to move in on someone else’s territory (unless it’s been pre-arranged and agreed). For example, you have been working on a guy for a few weeks and have endeared yourself to him and are almost in there and next thing you know, your friend is over there moving in on your territory and your man. This is so not ok. It is also not ok for a friend to move in on a guy you have only just noticed.
There are a few things that should make it clear to your other single girlfriends (or gay friends) that you are interested in a guy and they should be heeded when hot (hopefully) single men around. Things such as “Bob is really nice, I really like him.”, “Joe has a toight ass, I wonder if he puts out”, “I would really like to get to know Zac better”, “John is so my type” are typical ways to say I plan on moving in on him, he’s off limits. It’s like calling “SHOTGUN!!” first.
However, there are always exceptions to the rules. A friend can be your ‘wing man’, but you need to choose her with care. A friend who is in a relationship is usually quite good. A bubbly, pretty friend with big boobs who everyone seems to like is not. She WILL steal your limelight. You have been warned….
Another exception is if you have told this friend that you aren’t all that interested and that she has the go-ahead, then it’s fine. Go for it! Or if you’re trying to rid yourself of someone, you can always do so with a willing friend who is prepared to take one for the team. But these must ALWAYS be confirmed in person and verbally. Playing hard to get or being shy does not mean it’s a free for all!
So that is rule number 1. There are many more where this one came from. But in future posts, I will focus on the important and possibly relationship breaking faux pas.
Up Next…. Making a move on, kissing, dating etc a friend’s ex. What to do???
And they will follow, in no particular order….
Rule No 1
It is NEVER ok to move in on someone else’s territory (unless it’s been pre-arranged and agreed). For example, you have been working on a guy for a few weeks and have endeared yourself to him and are almost in there and next thing you know, your friend is over there moving in on your territory and your man. This is so not ok. It is also not ok for a friend to move in on a guy you have only just noticed.
There are a few things that should make it clear to your other single girlfriends (or gay friends) that you are interested in a guy and they should be heeded when hot (hopefully) single men around. Things such as “Bob is really nice, I really like him.”, “Joe has a toight ass, I wonder if he puts out”, “I would really like to get to know Zac better”, “John is so my type” are typical ways to say I plan on moving in on him, he’s off limits. It’s like calling “SHOTGUN!!” first.
However, there are always exceptions to the rules. A friend can be your ‘wing man’, but you need to choose her with care. A friend who is in a relationship is usually quite good. A bubbly, pretty friend with big boobs who everyone seems to like is not. She WILL steal your limelight. You have been warned….
Another exception is if you have told this friend that you aren’t all that interested and that she has the go-ahead, then it’s fine. Go for it! Or if you’re trying to rid yourself of someone, you can always do so with a willing friend who is prepared to take one for the team. But these must ALWAYS be confirmed in person and verbally. Playing hard to get or being shy does not mean it’s a free for all!
So that is rule number 1. There are many more where this one came from. But in future posts, I will focus on the important and possibly relationship breaking faux pas.
Up Next…. Making a move on, kissing, dating etc a friend’s ex. What to do???
Friday 13 April 2007
I'm bored...
I am at work and i am bored. I have work to do, but I have no inclination towards actually doing it! This is not good! It only means I'll have more to do on Monday, but right now, I don't really care... Sigh....
A funny thing happened yesterday.... Phillygirl and I decided to take a walk around our neighbourhood, rather than go to gym or yoga. After our brisk walk, on the way back in, we saw my cat, Honey, sitting on the garden wall. Once in the house i called her to come in. She started to walk along the wall, to jump down into the garden and come inside. While she was walking she was looking at me. Big mistake! She misstepped and fell off the other side of the wall, with what can only be described as a surprised yelp/meow! It was hilarious!!
And now I am ready for a drink! Bring on 4:30!!
Thursday 12 April 2007
Daily dose of COMPLETE madness!!
The best headline in the Daily Sun is "I vomit talking frogs!" This woman is apparently possessed and while the sangoma is trying to rid her of the demons. The demons are live frogs, cockroaches, grasshoppers and snails that she vomits up. The frogs speak to her in isiZulu and tell her where they come form (usually from graves). This lady has previously been in a mental institution.... I wonder why???
... And the traffic is back
It has been a blissful couple of weeks, with the school holidays! But alas, the government schools are back and so is the traffic.
Spending 30 minutes each way, to and from work every day gives you a lot of time to think about all sorts of strange things. It also gives you time to check out other motorists stuck in the same traffic and the ways they handle the traffic. I find it extremely entertaining watching people who go a bit crazy and get upset. It's not like they're alone! (If they were, it wouldn't be traffic...)
There are 2 things I just don't understand. First, people who get upset with taxis and people who hoot at people who have broken down.
Regarding taxis, we've been sharing roads with them for years now. They don't care if you hoot at them! It's their own unique form of communication, so they are quite used to it! I also don't get why people who drive behind them in the left hand lane act surprised when they put their hazards on and stop. This is what they do! Can you not anticipate it after all this time? Just accept that this shit happens!
Now, people who break down. Have you noticed how when someone breaks down, it is inevitable that someone will sit behind them hooting no matter how obvious it is? WTF? Perhaps they think that people just randomly stop, fake a breakdown, so they can take a break from driving, talk on the phone or have a smoke break? I think not!
I think people just need to relax and keep on rolling down the road. Take a cup of coffee, a book or magazine and use the time to wake up or wind down. Why waste your time getting all worked up? There isn't much point, it's not like it's going to get you there faster! But on the other hand, that may affect the amount of entertainment i get in the mornings!
Spending 30 minutes each way, to and from work every day gives you a lot of time to think about all sorts of strange things. It also gives you time to check out other motorists stuck in the same traffic and the ways they handle the traffic. I find it extremely entertaining watching people who go a bit crazy and get upset. It's not like they're alone! (If they were, it wouldn't be traffic...)
There are 2 things I just don't understand. First, people who get upset with taxis and people who hoot at people who have broken down.
Regarding taxis, we've been sharing roads with them for years now. They don't care if you hoot at them! It's their own unique form of communication, so they are quite used to it! I also don't get why people who drive behind them in the left hand lane act surprised when they put their hazards on and stop. This is what they do! Can you not anticipate it after all this time? Just accept that this shit happens!
Now, people who break down. Have you noticed how when someone breaks down, it is inevitable that someone will sit behind them hooting no matter how obvious it is? WTF? Perhaps they think that people just randomly stop, fake a breakdown, so they can take a break from driving, talk on the phone or have a smoke break? I think not!
I think people just need to relax and keep on rolling down the road. Take a cup of coffee, a book or magazine and use the time to wake up or wind down. Why waste your time getting all worked up? There isn't much point, it's not like it's going to get you there faster! But on the other hand, that may affect the amount of entertainment i get in the mornings!
Tuesday 10 April 2007
Back at work... I'm not very happy about that!
I;m back at work after a blissful 4 days off. I;m not very happy about that, but at least there are only 4 days in this week!
Today's Daily Sun is a shocker! In the first 4 pages, there are 3 pictures of dead people!
Number 1: Horror in the Fridge! A girl was beaten by her boyfriend and locked in a fridge.
Number 2: Thugs shot dead! A gang tried to rob a house in Hyde Park and one of them got a bullet in the head.
Number 3: Bolt from the blue! A man was struck by lightning. "Lightning kills man, tears up the road and melts his shoe!"
But now onto some funnier headlines!
"Karate goat killed after vicious attacks on man!" According to Godfrey Lebese "That crazy goat nearly killed me!" It kicked him "like a karate man in a fight". It first attacked him in January, breaking both his legs. On Saturday, the same mad goat went for him again. "I believe there is an evil spirit controlling this goat!" Him and his family hid inside and waited for the cops to come and shoot the animal.
I personally think the goat was fighting back and saying NO! to all the goat sex that has been going on. (see previous blogs). I salute this goat for sending a message to stop the abuse! I think they should do a story from the goats point of view. (Obviously not this one, sicne they killed it! )And maybe it was possessed by Chuck Norris and this guy didn't know a round-house kick when he saw one? I think we will see more of these stories! Next it'll be the donkeys...
Today's Daily Sun is a shocker! In the first 4 pages, there are 3 pictures of dead people!
Number 1: Horror in the Fridge! A girl was beaten by her boyfriend and locked in a fridge.
Number 2: Thugs shot dead! A gang tried to rob a house in Hyde Park and one of them got a bullet in the head.
Number 3: Bolt from the blue! A man was struck by lightning. "Lightning kills man, tears up the road and melts his shoe!"
But now onto some funnier headlines!
"Karate goat killed after vicious attacks on man!" According to Godfrey Lebese "That crazy goat nearly killed me!" It kicked him "like a karate man in a fight". It first attacked him in January, breaking both his legs. On Saturday, the same mad goat went for him again. "I believe there is an evil spirit controlling this goat!" Him and his family hid inside and waited for the cops to come and shoot the animal.
I personally think the goat was fighting back and saying NO! to all the goat sex that has been going on. (see previous blogs). I salute this goat for sending a message to stop the abuse! I think they should do a story from the goats point of view. (Obviously not this one, sicne they killed it! )And maybe it was possessed by Chuck Norris and this guy didn't know a round-house kick when he saw one? I think we will see more of these stories! Next it'll be the donkeys...
Thursday 5 April 2007
Daily dose of madness - Thursday
This newspaper just keeps getting better and better! It seem though that i have become a bit of a smut junkie now! It's sad, i know, but strangely enjoyable....
"THE GOGO WHO FELL TO EARTH!"
In this story an old lady (miraculously) said she was flying through the sky and crash landed in a yard. Of course, this is the only explanation as to how she got into the yard, surrounded by a 1,8m fence. And naturally the crowd that gathered outside the fence shouted that she should be killed (as you do when you see a flying granny!)
"GUY'S FOOT SNAPS OFF" This guy fell and his foot snapped off...
"HAWKERS SELL TOILET BREAD" In this fascinating story, hawkers are keeping bread loaves cool in public toilets! Now this is a tad misleading... they keep it in the cubicle not the actual toilet.
"THE GOGO WHO FELL TO EARTH!"
In this story an old lady (miraculously) said she was flying through the sky and crash landed in a yard. Of course, this is the only explanation as to how she got into the yard, surrounded by a 1,8m fence. And naturally the crowd that gathered outside the fence shouted that she should be killed (as you do when you see a flying granny!)
"GUY'S FOOT SNAPS OFF" This guy fell and his foot snapped off...
"HAWKERS SELL TOILET BREAD" In this fascinating story, hawkers are keeping bread loaves cool in public toilets! Now this is a tad misleading... they keep it in the cubicle not the actual toilet.
Awards Breakfasts
This morning, I went to an awards breakfast. It was a rather interesting experience. Well, as interesting as anything can be before 9am.
We were standing around (me trying to hook up a coffee drip) waiting for this free breakfast, when i noticed a guy i went to varsity with. He shared a res room with a friend of ours. He was kind of a hippy, long hair, baggy shorts, skater type guy. You can imagine my surprise when i saw him, in a suit with short hair, looking very serious. Turns out, he's a lawyer! It's kind of freaky to see these crazy people all grown up and serious! Bizarre stuff I tell you!
But... what do these people think when they see me, all growed up and stuff? Scary... Though i do think i just get better with the years :-)
Oh well...
Have a FANTASTIC long weekend!
We were standing around (me trying to hook up a coffee drip) waiting for this free breakfast, when i noticed a guy i went to varsity with. He shared a res room with a friend of ours. He was kind of a hippy, long hair, baggy shorts, skater type guy. You can imagine my surprise when i saw him, in a suit with short hair, looking very serious. Turns out, he's a lawyer! It's kind of freaky to see these crazy people all grown up and serious! Bizarre stuff I tell you!
But... what do these people think when they see me, all growed up and stuff? Scary... Though i do think i just get better with the years :-)
Oh well...
Have a FANTASTIC long weekend!
Wednesday 4 April 2007
Daily headlines
The Daily Sun hasn't arrived in the office yet. BUT the Citizen is carrying a very interetsing headline today... "Lesbians make it Kosher" Very eye-catching!! The story is about a jewish lesbian couple that tied the knot at a traditional Jewish wedding ceremony at Old Eds in Houghton.
As soon as I get the Daily Sun though, i will post their most bizarre yet strangely intersting story!
As soon as I get the Daily Sun though, i will post their most bizarre yet strangely intersting story!
Daily dose of madness
The Daily Sun has arrived!
First off… there is a picture of a dead guy on the front page, who was killed by a mob. Not really what I want to look at while eating my Strawberry Pops!
But moving along, here are today's best headlines!
The Grab of Life! Woman's handful beats off rapist! This woman grabbed her would-be rapists penis and made his scream like a girl, thereby alerting her neighbours.
Similar story to yesterday, where a 'gogo' did the same thing and squeezed it until he passed out. Nice!!
Man has sex with a donkey!
A 21 year old man was caught naked, having sex with a donkey near Tzaneen. "Mopani Police Superintendent Moatshe Ngoepe said that there is an increase in the number of bestiality cases. ' Livestock owners are warned to look after their animals. Mainly goats have been victimized for sex, but now it is donkeys. This is quite abnormal.'" Really? You think so???
Cops hunt sex beast's cronies
Tragedy hits man twice!
This poor guy lost his wife and then his car! What is a man to do?
First off… there is a picture of a dead guy on the front page, who was killed by a mob. Not really what I want to look at while eating my Strawberry Pops!
But moving along, here are today's best headlines!
The Grab of Life! Woman's handful beats off rapist! This woman grabbed her would-be rapists penis and made his scream like a girl, thereby alerting her neighbours.
Similar story to yesterday, where a 'gogo' did the same thing and squeezed it until he passed out. Nice!!
Man has sex with a donkey!
A 21 year old man was caught naked, having sex with a donkey near Tzaneen. "Mopani Police Superintendent Moatshe Ngoepe said that there is an increase in the number of bestiality cases. ' Livestock owners are warned to look after their animals. Mainly goats have been victimized for sex, but now it is donkeys. This is quite abnormal.'" Really? You think so???
Cops hunt sex beast's cronies
Tragedy hits man twice!
This poor guy lost his wife and then his car! What is a man to do?
Tuesday 3 April 2007
Daily dose of madness - 3 April 07
I have decided to include a daily feature on my blog. It will be the best headlines in the Daily Sun newspaper. This newspaper is hilarious! The stories border on ridiculous and they will write about anything.
Now I am not trying to judge people and their beliefs in witchcraft or their lack of education about certain things. I am just pointing out that life could be worse and luckily we (i assume) don't need to add witchcraft etc to our list of worries and issues.
Today's Headline:
FAMILY'S TERROR OF THE DEVIL DOLL FOUND IN THEIR GARDEN!
"There was an evil doll - only 45 cm high - which the Mbeles think was put there to bring death to their house!
In fact the shocked family think it may be the Tokoloshe put there to finish off a sick relative who lives with them."
According to the traditional healer they hired, it doesn't look like the Tokoloshe (he knows what it is supposed to look like) and it doesn't breathe or show any sign of being alive.
Interesting.....
Now I am not trying to judge people and their beliefs in witchcraft or their lack of education about certain things. I am just pointing out that life could be worse and luckily we (i assume) don't need to add witchcraft etc to our list of worries and issues.
Today's Headline:
FAMILY'S TERROR OF THE DEVIL DOLL FOUND IN THEIR GARDEN!
"There was an evil doll - only 45 cm high - which the Mbeles think was put there to bring death to their house!
In fact the shocked family think it may be the Tokoloshe put there to finish off a sick relative who lives with them."
According to the traditional healer they hired, it doesn't look like the Tokoloshe (he knows what it is supposed to look like) and it doesn't breathe or show any sign of being alive.
Interesting.....
Great news!!
Dublin, California - Kitt, the flame-throwing, river-jumping, talking muscle car from the American 80s TV show Knight Rider, starring David Hasselhoff, is up for sale.Restored to its debut-season glory, the modified black 1982 Pontiac Trans Am is offered at $149 995 (about R1-million) at a California auto dealership. Johnny "Vette" Verhoek of Kassabian Motors has had the car, officially called Knight Industries Two Thousand, on display for about a month.
Although it cannot achieve the 483km/h speeds that Kitt reached, soar 15me in the air or throw smoke bombs, key features of the star car are intact. Perhaps most important, the red scanner light on the nose glows and makes a humming noise.
Most of the buttons in the cockpit do not do anything, Verhoek said. Nor can the car talk or drive itself.
Kitt isn't even street legal because of missing smog equipment and other modifications. Whoever buys the car will probably keep it in a private collection, or it may be purchased by a museum, Verhoek said.
Courtesy of IOL
Although it cannot achieve the 483km/h speeds that Kitt reached, soar 15me in the air or throw smoke bombs, key features of the star car are intact. Perhaps most important, the red scanner light on the nose glows and makes a humming noise.
Most of the buttons in the cockpit do not do anything, Verhoek said. Nor can the car talk or drive itself.
Kitt isn't even street legal because of missing smog equipment and other modifications. Whoever buys the car will probably keep it in a private collection, or it may be purchased by a museum, Verhoek said.
Courtesy of IOL
Monday 2 April 2007
Of Mimes and Men
I refer back to my first blog about resolutions. I would like to retract the resolution about getting a boyfriend, for a bit of a shake up. Men are weird! And I want NO part of this madness!
Let me explain…. On Friday night, I went to a party with Phillygirl and Varen, among others. We were having a few drinks socialising with various people, as you do. At some stage a guy walked up to our group and just stood there. After a few minutes of listening to our conversation (I think it was about cleavage – being National Cleavage Day) he decides to join in by showing off his very hairy cleavage. This on its own is not a problem! The problem came in when I he asked (with an extremely proud look on his face) whether we could do this? And promptly LICKS HIS OWN NIPPLE!!! WTF??? Did I mention the hairy chest? Needless to say, after we all threw up a little bit in our mouths, we discreetly wandered off, away from this FREAK!!
Another thing I picked up at the party is that men are very fond of slapping each others balls! Where is the fun and entertainment in this? You don’t see girls going around slapping each others boobs or cookies! Though I am sure many men would pay to see that!
Then, on Sunday, I attended the Game Challenge to support colleagues who were running (and incidentally won our category). I was just sitting in the sun enjoying some good conversation. I noticed a mime in the next tent. I HATE MIMES!! And clowns and puppets. The next thing I know the mime has come into our tent! I decided that it was time for a drink and guess what followed me. He stood next to me, miming my movements (as they are known to do). How irritating! I then offered him a drink, he accepted and left. Relief! I was SO close to punching him in the stomach!
A while later, he decides to come and harass us again and starts miming my colleague and them me. Again, I offer him a drink, he accepts. Luckily for us, he was only working until 12:00 and thankfully, it was 12:00. He started talking to us about miming and all that. It apparently pays well, but then again so does stripping! I personally have too much pride and dignity to do either! Though I would rather be a stripper than a mime!
This all got me thinking…. Why the hell would I want a boyfriend if this is the calibre of men that are out there? There is more to be said about men and their very strange and often mind-boggling actions, but I don’t; have the time at the moment! Perhaps over the Easter weekend…. Freaks, the lot of them!
Let me explain…. On Friday night, I went to a party with Phillygirl and Varen, among others. We were having a few drinks socialising with various people, as you do. At some stage a guy walked up to our group and just stood there. After a few minutes of listening to our conversation (I think it was about cleavage – being National Cleavage Day) he decides to join in by showing off his very hairy cleavage. This on its own is not a problem! The problem came in when I he asked (with an extremely proud look on his face) whether we could do this? And promptly LICKS HIS OWN NIPPLE!!! WTF??? Did I mention the hairy chest? Needless to say, after we all threw up a little bit in our mouths, we discreetly wandered off, away from this FREAK!!
Another thing I picked up at the party is that men are very fond of slapping each others balls! Where is the fun and entertainment in this? You don’t see girls going around slapping each others boobs or cookies! Though I am sure many men would pay to see that!
Then, on Sunday, I attended the Game Challenge to support colleagues who were running (and incidentally won our category). I was just sitting in the sun enjoying some good conversation. I noticed a mime in the next tent. I HATE MIMES!! And clowns and puppets. The next thing I know the mime has come into our tent! I decided that it was time for a drink and guess what followed me. He stood next to me, miming my movements (as they are known to do). How irritating! I then offered him a drink, he accepted and left. Relief! I was SO close to punching him in the stomach!
A while later, he decides to come and harass us again and starts miming my colleague and them me. Again, I offer him a drink, he accepts. Luckily for us, he was only working until 12:00 and thankfully, it was 12:00. He started talking to us about miming and all that. It apparently pays well, but then again so does stripping! I personally have too much pride and dignity to do either! Though I would rather be a stripper than a mime!
This all got me thinking…. Why the hell would I want a boyfriend if this is the calibre of men that are out there? There is more to be said about men and their very strange and often mind-boggling actions, but I don’t; have the time at the moment! Perhaps over the Easter weekend…. Freaks, the lot of them!
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