About 2 months ago, I registered for online dating, to see what cyber space held in terms of men. And two months later, I'm quite bored and feeling a bit let down. There are definitely not enough new men with anything resembling me requirements joining the site.
But about some of the men who have and who have taken a liking to me….
There are guys who like spanking, girls who want me to join her and her boyfriend (flattering but what I;m looking for right now), guys who can’t spell or string a coherent sentence together, those of few words – "Want to chat?" (how could I resist such a juicy offer??) and those who are just plain stalkerish – if I don’t reply to your first message, I probably won't reply to the ones you send every week after that.
Here is an example…
Spank_me_Red
BEHIND EVERY SUCCESSFUL MAN STANDS A PISSED OFF WOMAN WITH A WHIP!
Whack .... whack .... whack ........ I'm sorry Ma`am ..... ! I know I'm a bad boy ..... !! It's up to You to correct my behaviour ..... !
Your wish is my command Ma`am ! May I serve you and buy you toys and lingerie ? What do you desire ? Need an oral slave ? And then again, Im very handy braaing, washing a car or vacuuming in the nude ... specialy if motivated with a whip !
N.B. Apparently I have a very nice spankable behind !!
He describes his ideal match as:
Someone who wont take nonsense from a guy. Someone who will spank his cheecks until they glow in the dark. Someone discreet and trustworthy. Someone who like to be treated like the Goddess she is. Someone like YOU !
Why would you want to spank a adult guy ? Its a great stress releiver taking your frustrations out on a pair of naked buttocks. AND . You always wanted to see a man squirm and moan. AND . You secretly always wanted to do it !? And you will enjoy a naked man kneeling infront of you. AND . Your fantasy is my mission oh Goddess ! ( Available as naked house slave and waiter for your house party as well.) Non-smokers more than welcome to whip this nasty cravings out of me !
I've been on a few dates… the first was fine, but no spark. The second was probably the MOST boring date I think I have ever been on! And the third date turned into a few more dates, but I haven't made up my mind about that yet… I still feel like there is more out there and that it is all so much more exciting!
And the false advertising is amazing! The gingers (who I have huge aversion to) seem to really like me as well…. this freaks me out!! And they tend to describe themselves as having blonde or brown hair…I think not! And then the chunkier guys describing themselves as "Athletic"… maybe in the world of sumo wrestling? And then there are the guys who really shouldn't describe themselves as "Attractive" :) But bless, I guess everyone is trying to feel good about themselves and trying to find their 'soul mate', so best of luck!!
There are more stories to share, mostly about weird people who (probably for good reason) we don’t usually cross paths with, but who actually make me feel very normal and stable!
Wednesday 24 November 2010
Friday 8 October 2010
‘I’m a 107-year-old virgin’
Britain’s oldest virgin says her longevity is thanks to her never having sex.
Clara Meadmore recently celebrated her 107th birthday and says she never bothered bumping nasties with anyone because it seemed like too much hassle. Clara says she knew she would stay single from the age of 12 and focused on her career.
“People have asked whether I am a homosexual and the answer is no. I have just never been interested in or fancied sex,” says Clara.
“I imagine there is a lot of hassle involved. I have always been busy doing other things. “I’ve never been bothered about relationships."
“When I was a girl you only had sex with your husband and I never married.” - Daily Voice
Excuse me?? This is by far one of the most confusing stories I've read in a while. I understand that in the (very) old days, you didn't just sleep around and virginity was something to be cherished. But really? 107 years?
She says that she wanted to focus on her career. Fair enough, except that back in the 1920's careers were not what they are now... She could've been a clerk of some sort, a nurse, a teacher or a factory worker. Hardly a high flying career worth giving up sex for!
I agree that sex does sometimes complicate things and once in a while throws life a bit off balance, but just not to even try it? If you're busy doing other stuff, why not throw a little bit of sex into the mix?
Why you would be happy to live for SO long, without the finer pleasures in life, like sex, drinking, having fun and late nights? It just makes no sense to me! Here's bowing out before I hit 80!
Clara Meadmore recently celebrated her 107th birthday and says she never bothered bumping nasties with anyone because it seemed like too much hassle. Clara says she knew she would stay single from the age of 12 and focused on her career.
“People have asked whether I am a homosexual and the answer is no. I have just never been interested in or fancied sex,” says Clara.
“I imagine there is a lot of hassle involved. I have always been busy doing other things. “I’ve never been bothered about relationships."
“When I was a girl you only had sex with your husband and I never married.” - Daily Voice
Excuse me?? This is by far one of the most confusing stories I've read in a while. I understand that in the (very) old days, you didn't just sleep around and virginity was something to be cherished. But really? 107 years?
She says that she wanted to focus on her career. Fair enough, except that back in the 1920's careers were not what they are now... She could've been a clerk of some sort, a nurse, a teacher or a factory worker. Hardly a high flying career worth giving up sex for!
I agree that sex does sometimes complicate things and once in a while throws life a bit off balance, but just not to even try it? If you're busy doing other stuff, why not throw a little bit of sex into the mix?
Why you would be happy to live for SO long, without the finer pleasures in life, like sex, drinking, having fun and late nights? It just makes no sense to me! Here's bowing out before I hit 80!
Monday 4 October 2010
A sportsman cheating?? Never!!
OMG! Another Sportsman has cheated on his wife? Can you believe it? Actually… yes!
Last week, it came out that cricketer Andre Nel cheated on his wife while in the UK. The (crazy) woman told the press all about it when she found out he was married – after their 2 week affair… that's more like a long one night stand in my books, but who am I to judge?
So the story comes out, another girl calls into Gareth Cliff and says she had affair with him (I assume a bit longer than 2 weeks) and the shit hits the fan.
My first response to hearing this was, "why is this front page news??". My second response was "duh!!". He's a man, it's what they do, so again, why is it worthy of the front page?
After the whole Tiger Woods scandal, why are people surprised? The only difference is that if you're a sportsman, your indiscretions make the front page and makes it that much harder to get away with it… and really, why don’t they consider this? I suppose that they aren’t thinking with their rational bits.
What does annoy me though about these men is that they cheat when their wives are pregnant… first Tiger, then Wayne Rooney and now Andre Nel. I think that I SO skanky! They're the ones who did that to her!! YOU made her fat and hormonal!! Take responsibility and deal with the state you've put her in like a man and stop sticking it to any girl with a pulse...
But now, it seems that Andre Nel has tried to "take his own life". I bet that journalist feels kinda bad… Since he made headlines last week, I'm going to hazard a guess and say it isn't an attention seeking ploy. So I reckon it's just so his wife will feel bad and take him back or some weird over the top way to show he's sorry.
Personally I think it's a really cowardly thing to do. Face up to your own mess and deal with it. If you’re man enough to screw around on your wife, be man enough to take the associated fall out and fix it! Don’t 'try' to take the easy way out! Women can see through that crap!
Last week, it came out that cricketer Andre Nel cheated on his wife while in the UK. The (crazy) woman told the press all about it when she found out he was married – after their 2 week affair… that's more like a long one night stand in my books, but who am I to judge?
So the story comes out, another girl calls into Gareth Cliff and says she had affair with him (I assume a bit longer than 2 weeks) and the shit hits the fan.
My first response to hearing this was, "why is this front page news??". My second response was "duh!!". He's a man, it's what they do, so again, why is it worthy of the front page?
After the whole Tiger Woods scandal, why are people surprised? The only difference is that if you're a sportsman, your indiscretions make the front page and makes it that much harder to get away with it… and really, why don’t they consider this? I suppose that they aren’t thinking with their rational bits.
What does annoy me though about these men is that they cheat when their wives are pregnant… first Tiger, then Wayne Rooney and now Andre Nel. I think that I SO skanky! They're the ones who did that to her!! YOU made her fat and hormonal!! Take responsibility and deal with the state you've put her in like a man and stop sticking it to any girl with a pulse...
But now, it seems that Andre Nel has tried to "take his own life". I bet that journalist feels kinda bad… Since he made headlines last week, I'm going to hazard a guess and say it isn't an attention seeking ploy. So I reckon it's just so his wife will feel bad and take him back or some weird over the top way to show he's sorry.
Personally I think it's a really cowardly thing to do. Face up to your own mess and deal with it. If you’re man enough to screw around on your wife, be man enough to take the associated fall out and fix it! Don’t 'try' to take the easy way out! Women can see through that crap!
Thursday 30 September 2010
Online dating... the saga begins
I registered on an online dating website the other day. It's actually quite hard to come up with something about me that sounds good, not pretentious or over the top. And then asked what I'm looking for? I can tell you what I don’t want… sheesh, not easy putting it all into actual words! Lucky for me I got that fancy degree :-)
As part of my profile, I had to put in basic info about myself, generally what I look like, my interests and what I'm looking for, what I will and won't tolerate (like a married, heavy drinker from Brakpan) etc. I have discovered that since there are men involved, it doesn’t actually matter what I want. When I say I want a man who is taller than me, between the ages of 27 and 39 and living in Johannesburg, I don’t really mean a 5.5 foot, bald 50 year old guy living in Windhoek, who can’t string a sentence together!
After a few days of being registered on the site, I actually feel quite good about myself… I have quite a few fans and have received a number of messages. This all sounds fine until you look at the profiles and read the messages. Here are some perfect examples:
"hi there sexy...
Saw your profile and I think you deserve a chance to get to know me. I think we could get along well. If you are interested (which I know you will be). drop me a line, and if you sound as interesting as your profile says I might write back ;)"
… " WoW! This sounds like a damn advert, to sell one's self, but I guess I had to, since you sound so worth the effort. So, where to now? Please reply with your name and number and allow me to fulfill your most intimate wants and needs, dreams and desires. Try me... And brace yourself for the time of your life... Guaranteed!Pls reply with ur name and number as my membership will lapse within a few hours!"
"I must say you drop dead gorgeous........sorry for using a compliment that has possible been used a million times by others but as we get to know each other you will understand my uniqueness....."
But I am not perturbed… I have chatted with a couple guys (it only took me about half an hour to come up with something to say that wasn't too cheesy, over the top or lame.) and they seem ok.
So time will tell… I can guarantee though that I will be posting some of the more bizarre and "WTF??" profiles and messages I get. And naturally post about what kind of (normal) guys I end up meeting and chatting with.
As part of my profile, I had to put in basic info about myself, generally what I look like, my interests and what I'm looking for, what I will and won't tolerate (like a married, heavy drinker from Brakpan) etc. I have discovered that since there are men involved, it doesn’t actually matter what I want. When I say I want a man who is taller than me, between the ages of 27 and 39 and living in Johannesburg, I don’t really mean a 5.5 foot, bald 50 year old guy living in Windhoek, who can’t string a sentence together!
After a few days of being registered on the site, I actually feel quite good about myself… I have quite a few fans and have received a number of messages. This all sounds fine until you look at the profiles and read the messages. Here are some perfect examples:
"hi there sexy...
Saw your profile and I think you deserve a chance to get to know me. I think we could get along well. If you are interested (which I know you will be). drop me a line, and if you sound as interesting as your profile says I might write back ;)"
… " WoW! This sounds like a damn advert, to sell one's self, but I guess I had to, since you sound so worth the effort. So, where to now? Please reply with your name and number and allow me to fulfill your most intimate wants and needs, dreams and desires. Try me... And brace yourself for the time of your life... Guaranteed!Pls reply with ur name and number as my membership will lapse within a few hours!"
"I must say you drop dead gorgeous........sorry for using a compliment that has possible been used a million times by others but as we get to know each other you will understand my uniqueness....."
But I am not perturbed… I have chatted with a couple guys (it only took me about half an hour to come up with something to say that wasn't too cheesy, over the top or lame.) and they seem ok.
So time will tell… I can guarantee though that I will be posting some of the more bizarre and "WTF??" profiles and messages I get. And naturally post about what kind of (normal) guys I end up meeting and chatting with.
Tuesday 24 August 2010
Dinner club...
My first time at Dinner Club, I went with the Dancing Queen. She only had good things to say after her first visit. We walked in and went to the makeshift bar and the first person I see is a drunk, old (like 60 years old) guy. And this is my first impression… luckily he wasn't there for dinner, but to help out the owner! Apparently the look on my face was quite funny.
We went on a night where the age group was (in theory) 36-42. It was more like us (32 and 35) and everyone else between 40 and 50. I was probably the only there who hadn’t been divorced and we were probably the only 2 who didn’t have kids (a lot of the 'kids' being over 18!). I think people may have been judging me because I wasn't divorced… I could see it in their eyes.
So we sat down and started chatting with the guys at our table. The way it worked was that the women stayed at the table and the men moved. One of the guys who joined us was loud and obnoxious. One of the ladies actually said to him "It's no wonder you're not married!" The way he introduced himself was "Hi, I'm (whatever his name was) and this is my advocate (gesturing to his friend). He just got me off a rape and murder charge." Really?? Where is that funny? But more pertinently, has that line ever worked? We all looked at him with a WTF look and then carried on talking to other people. He also then told us the riveting story of why he gave up drinking (it goes all the way back to Bophuthatswana days!!), what his daughter is doing overseas, how he has so much money etc etc etc… YAWN!!
The rest of the guys were ok, though I didn’t talk much since I didn’t have much in common with them at all and just sat and watched and listened. I really hope I don't end up like some of them... it's a scary thought!
But at least the food was fantastic!
** I have since been back to a 'younger' dinner and had lots of fun and made some good friends and will be going again.
http://www.dinnerclubsa.co.za/
We went on a night where the age group was (in theory) 36-42. It was more like us (32 and 35) and everyone else between 40 and 50. I was probably the only there who hadn’t been divorced and we were probably the only 2 who didn’t have kids (a lot of the 'kids' being over 18!). I think people may have been judging me because I wasn't divorced… I could see it in their eyes.
So we sat down and started chatting with the guys at our table. The way it worked was that the women stayed at the table and the men moved. One of the guys who joined us was loud and obnoxious. One of the ladies actually said to him "It's no wonder you're not married!" The way he introduced himself was "Hi, I'm (whatever his name was) and this is my advocate (gesturing to his friend). He just got me off a rape and murder charge." Really?? Where is that funny? But more pertinently, has that line ever worked? We all looked at him with a WTF look and then carried on talking to other people. He also then told us the riveting story of why he gave up drinking (it goes all the way back to Bophuthatswana days!!), what his daughter is doing overseas, how he has so much money etc etc etc… YAWN!!
The rest of the guys were ok, though I didn’t talk much since I didn’t have much in common with them at all and just sat and watched and listened. I really hope I don't end up like some of them... it's a scary thought!
But at least the food was fantastic!
** I have since been back to a 'younger' dinner and had lots of fun and made some good friends and will be going again.
http://www.dinnerclubsa.co.za/
Friday 4 June 2010
Laurence of my Labia?
A bit of background… My brother, Drew, and I call each other by 'pet names' such a bitch, whore etc. we recently split the cost of a present and as is expected, Drew paid his half into my bank account. In keeping with tradition he made the payment to "Cheapwhore" and it refelected in my account as coming from Laurenceofmylabia (If you've seen the latest Sex and the City movie, the "Laurence of my Labia" will make sense...).
I had a good giggle the other day when I did some banking and found a payment from Laurenceofmylabia and sent Drew an email letting him know how funny I thought it was. I then received the email below from Drew in response…
"I was at the shops on Saturday and couldn’t find my ATM card. I thought I had probably left it at home but the last time I had used it was at Makro, so thought I would double check by calling the bank to see what my last transaction was. I called the bank and after going through all the security checks he confirmed that my last debit card transaction had been at Makro but then he mentioned that a transfer had been done.
I said that I didn’t know what he was referring to and asked for more detail. I only realised after he was stumbling and sounding very hesitant to explain the transfer that it was the transfer to "Cheapwhore" for R400 from "Laurenceofmylabia"!"
:-)
I had a good giggle the other day when I did some banking and found a payment from Laurenceofmylabia and sent Drew an email letting him know how funny I thought it was. I then received the email below from Drew in response…
"I was at the shops on Saturday and couldn’t find my ATM card. I thought I had probably left it at home but the last time I had used it was at Makro, so thought I would double check by calling the bank to see what my last transaction was. I called the bank and after going through all the security checks he confirmed that my last debit card transaction had been at Makro but then he mentioned that a transfer had been done.
I said that I didn’t know what he was referring to and asked for more detail. I only realised after he was stumbling and sounding very hesitant to explain the transfer that it was the transfer to "Cheapwhore" for R400 from "Laurenceofmylabia"!"
:-)
Monday 19 April 2010
The art of speed dating
As mentioned before, I have decided that this year I will try almost anything (relating to dating) once. True to my word, I did some speed dating (http://www.smartdate.co.za/) with my friends Philly Girl and Helen. There were supposed to be another 3 or 4 girls, but I think most of them chickened out :)
So off we went to Primi at Melrose Arch and after driving around the 'centre' a few times, Helen and I eventually found a parkade and made our way to join Philly Girl for a quick scope out of the talent/competition arriving. It looked promising from all sides, so we made our way upstairs.
As there were more girls than guys, the guys made themselves comfortable and the girls rotated every five minutes. This also gave the girls time to sit together for a few minutes to discuss the guys they had met and compare notes and laughs.
All in all, the guys were decent. I started with a ginger gym freak…. A guy I was actually avoiding – ginger is SO not my thing. He went on for about 3 of the 5 minutes about how much he LOVES gym… he has to make an effort not to go 7 days a week and even had to squeeze in a work out before the event. He also told my friends that I had grilled him… huh?? Then there was the guy who was in mops… first person I've ever met who was in the mop business (making them not using them), the guy who had a kid, the journalist who had been dragged there and the guy with the wet fish handshake (though he was still quite a sweet guy). And Charles from Cameroon… in five minutes he told his entire life story, from being born in Cameroon, to moving to Canada with his diplomat dad and then Europe (I think) and then eventually having to flee to SA, or something along those lines.
And then there was Kimon…. Helen and I had met him before at a Dinner Club evening (details to follow at a later stage). He didn’t speak much that night and was quite boring. The second time we met him was no different. I would've had more fun talking to a wall, at least a wall has texture. He said the same things, almost word for word, about what work he was in and about running, his hobby. I was eventually talking (almost to myself) about the pros and cons of dogs and cats. Besides the usual "what do you do" question, he asked nothing. One of the girls eventually gave up and sat staring at him not saying a word. But he did quite fancy Helen. After the event we stood around chatting to some guys and he lurked on the outskirts staring at Helen. Creepy!!
I did meet two nice guys and have been chatting with them over email. I will probably see them again sometime and will have more of a chance to get to know them better.
All in all, it was a fun night. I had 5 guys who were interested in either romance of friendship and I matched with 2, for friendship. This is something that we'll definitely do again and might try one of their dinners or social/dance evenings.
As far as dating experiences go, I think that speed dating is something that singles should try. You can find out quite a lot about a person in five minutes and this is where first impressions are paramount. It's actually a lot like an interview, which it kind of is...
That's one experience down and couple more to find out about! And Friday night back to Giles to see what the hunt will bring this time!
So off we went to Primi at Melrose Arch and after driving around the 'centre' a few times, Helen and I eventually found a parkade and made our way to join Philly Girl for a quick scope out of the talent/competition arriving. It looked promising from all sides, so we made our way upstairs.
As there were more girls than guys, the guys made themselves comfortable and the girls rotated every five minutes. This also gave the girls time to sit together for a few minutes to discuss the guys they had met and compare notes and laughs.
All in all, the guys were decent. I started with a ginger gym freak…. A guy I was actually avoiding – ginger is SO not my thing. He went on for about 3 of the 5 minutes about how much he LOVES gym… he has to make an effort not to go 7 days a week and even had to squeeze in a work out before the event. He also told my friends that I had grilled him… huh?? Then there was the guy who was in mops… first person I've ever met who was in the mop business (making them not using them), the guy who had a kid, the journalist who had been dragged there and the guy with the wet fish handshake (though he was still quite a sweet guy). And Charles from Cameroon… in five minutes he told his entire life story, from being born in Cameroon, to moving to Canada with his diplomat dad and then Europe (I think) and then eventually having to flee to SA, or something along those lines.
And then there was Kimon…. Helen and I had met him before at a Dinner Club evening (details to follow at a later stage). He didn’t speak much that night and was quite boring. The second time we met him was no different. I would've had more fun talking to a wall, at least a wall has texture. He said the same things, almost word for word, about what work he was in and about running, his hobby. I was eventually talking (almost to myself) about the pros and cons of dogs and cats. Besides the usual "what do you do" question, he asked nothing. One of the girls eventually gave up and sat staring at him not saying a word. But he did quite fancy Helen. After the event we stood around chatting to some guys and he lurked on the outskirts staring at Helen. Creepy!!
I did meet two nice guys and have been chatting with them over email. I will probably see them again sometime and will have more of a chance to get to know them better.
All in all, it was a fun night. I had 5 guys who were interested in either romance of friendship and I matched with 2, for friendship. This is something that we'll definitely do again and might try one of their dinners or social/dance evenings.
As far as dating experiences go, I think that speed dating is something that singles should try. You can find out quite a lot about a person in five minutes and this is where first impressions are paramount. It's actually a lot like an interview, which it kind of is...
That's one experience down and couple more to find out about! And Friday night back to Giles to see what the hunt will bring this time!
Tuesday 30 March 2010
Single in SA - The single, dating world in 2010
I recently celebrated a birthday (no numbers need to be mentioned!) and as usual took a long hard look at where I am in my lief at the moment. And well, here I am....
I'm in a job a no longer enjoy (reasons not to be discussed here), I am still single (and oh SO bored of it) and time seems to be getting away from me. On the plus side, it seems that the Destiny's Child song "Independent Woman" was written just for me... "the house I live in, I bought it; the car I'm driving, I bought it..."So here I sit, a single, independent woman and i must admit I want something different now. I AM SO OVER BEING SINGLE!
As a result, I am trying to get back into the dating game and will see where that takes me. I thought it would be quite an entertaining series of posts, telling you about the interesting (for lack of a better word) dating experiences i have had over the past few months and will no doubt have in the future!
If anyone has any suggestions, please let me know... I'll try almost anything once!
I'm in a job a no longer enjoy (reasons not to be discussed here), I am still single (and oh SO bored of it) and time seems to be getting away from me. On the plus side, it seems that the Destiny's Child song "Independent Woman" was written just for me... "the house I live in, I bought it; the car I'm driving, I bought it..."So here I sit, a single, independent woman and i must admit I want something different now. I AM SO OVER BEING SINGLE!
As a result, I am trying to get back into the dating game and will see where that takes me. I thought it would be quite an entertaining series of posts, telling you about the interesting (for lack of a better word) dating experiences i have had over the past few months and will no doubt have in the future!
If anyone has any suggestions, please let me know... I'll try almost anything once!
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