As single or dating girls, we should have some things that are just non-negotiable. Some are easier to stick to but we should always keep the others in mind.
When it comes to men and dating, we seem to put up with too much and let too many things slide. We explain them away, justify them, and make up excuses like… “just give him time, he’ll see how awesome I am and will stop hedging his bets and looking for someone better”; “he treats me so well when we’re alone”; “but we really click, really”; he’s so busy he doesn’t always have time to email/sms/BBM/What’sApp/ Skype/Facebook/Tweet me” (that’s total bullshit!! He will be spending time in traffic, drinking coffee or sitting on the toilet – he can always find time if he wants to).
ENOUGH!!! If he’s not being a decent guy, not being a real man, you need to speak to him about it so that he knows what you expect and think. If you’re scared it’ll scare him off, maybe that’s not such a bad thing! No one likes a scaredy cat!
Do you really still want to be wondering, interpreting, trying to decipher every little thing in three months’ time? My answer would be NO!!!! And how do I know? I;ve been there, done that, shed a tear over it. It sucks being let down and disappointed but we’ve all had to deal with it at some point.
Some men are very good at fooling you into thinking it’s all great and that there’s a future – they may even believe it themselves… But once the little things start to niggle, it’s time to go with your gut, ask the hard questions and decide whether you’re worth more. I would bet that you are!
So here are my top 10 Commandments. And unlike Moses’, mine can be updated and added to, so if you have anything to add, do so!
Thou shalt not…
1. … let a man make you feel crap about yourself.
If he doesn’t think you’re awesome and doesn’t say and do all the nice things you deserve, why are you bothering? You deserve to be treated the way you want to be treated.
2. …be someone’s second choice or the “until someone better comes along” girl.
You should be his first and only choice. He’s yours isn’t he?
3. …run after a man
I know it’s 2011 and women have a lot of power and are very independent but sometimes we need to stick with the old school way of doing things. Men need to be men. They need to step up and take control. They need to ask you out. They need to contact you. They need to win your affection and court you. If you do most of the initiating, you need to take a step back and rethink whether he would contact you if you stopped. Would he?
4. … have to analyse whether he’s into you.
You shouldn’t have to analyse whether he’s into you. You should know, it should be obvious and he should show it.
5. …compromise yourself.
Don’t change your personality, your body, your beliefs or your friends for a man. If he doesn’t like you for who and what you are, he should find someone else. Just look at how it all ended for Advocate Barbie!
6. …be at his beck and call.
If he needs you to pick him up at a braai, after drinks, after a game, he better have the common courtesy to invite you in for at least one drink. If he’s not, why not? Are you just a glorified driver who puts out? Staff with benefits? I think it’s time to reassess your job title and job description.
7. … date a man who treats ‘service people’ like crap.
If you can’t treat a waiter, cashier or security guard with respect, who’s to say he won’t treat you like that one day?
8. … date a married, engaged, involved guy.
Do I need to elaborate?
9. …take a man back.
There’s a reason you broke up, no matter who did the dumping. The reason will always be in the back of your mind and will probably resurface in a very ugly way.
10. …be anything other than a fabulous, awesome and amazing woman and don’t need a man to be that.
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