Undercover gym bunny is watching you

I’ve been a member of a gym since about 1994, when they first came to SA in a big way. Over the past year and a bit, I have become a very regular attendee at gym (usually 4 times a week). I go to the Virgin Active at Brightwater, within walking distance from my house (but only when the sun is up).

I used to go for about 45 minutes, do something that could pass for exercise and then go home. While I was there, I watched people (as I do most places), and entertained myself with their antics.  

During the middle of last year, I decided that it was time to get my shit together, lose weight and get serious about being healthy. So I got myself a personal trainer. After much research (of course!), I picked one but at the last minute changed my mind (as usual). Best decision ever! So we started training – the first week was hell! I couldn’t sit down properly for a week because my thighs were so sore and also couldn’t straighten my arms.

It turns out that working with a trainer on the weights floor (and losing a fair amount of size) gives you some ‘street cred’ with the gym crowd. Since then I have made some friends and I can now observe the people around me as one of them, completely under the radar. I have found that there are some standard guys/people that you will find at most gyms…

The guy who grunts
Recently a migrant (see below) came to train at our little gym. Apparently he does every few weeks. It was ridiculous!! He grunted like he was giving birth to horse! For everything! Even when he was using weights that were lighter than mine and doing tricep dips. And I don’t mean a little moan or heavy breathing… I mean sounds that you would expect to hear in the Kruger Park during mating season – and I’ve just been there so I know first hand!

The girl with the super toned muscles
This girl wears tight pants and usually a ‘top’ that shows her midriff. She has super toned arms, slightly over muscled legs and killer abs. The guys stop and openly stare at her. They call each other and whisper to each other. The reason for this behaviour is good old envy. They wish they had the abs and the definition and obvious discipline that goes with this. They do however, also wish she had boobs and was a little more feminine (muscled square jaws and bulging quads are apparently not that attractive). This is when I walk up to them, tease them a bit and then say, “well at least I have boobs…” As much as I admire aspects of girls like that, she obviously doesn’t enjoy wine and chocolate, probably ever. She must be really unhappy!

The girlfriend
She is the proverbial beard to her training boyfriend. Don’t get me wrong, there are some who train properly as a couple. They do the same exercises and are quite serious about their workout. But then there are those who are there because I don’t think they’d see their boyfriends otherwise. The guys train 2 or 3 hours a day after work, 5 days a week. The girlfriends are easy to spot. They visit their men regularly, in between doing a yoga class, stretching and messing around on a ball, going through the motions of using the yes/no machines. Otherwise, they wander around or drink smoothies at Kauai. 

The migrants
These are the guys who aren’t regulars at the branch. They come in once in a while for a change of scenery. They also usually rub the regulars up the wrong way. They act like they own the place. They strut around in their vests trying to show off. They grunt. They hog the machines. They annoy everyone. Luckily, they only come in about once a month and are then gone again. Order is restored. The guys don’t have to resort to marking out their territory around the machines and barbells. That would be awkward…

The dancing teenage boys
Anyone who has been at Brightwater for a while usually at about 5 in the afternoon will know who I’m talking about. These boys come to gym in their luminous gym kit, with canvas sneakers and enormous headphones. They are always found in packs of no less than 3. They have straightened hair that they spend more time on daily than I do in a week. They don’t do much exercise. And when the right tune is playing through said enormous headphones, they will spontaneously break out into dance. But it’s not a regular, ass-shaking dance, it’s a Charleston, flapper/break dance/epileptic fit type dance. And when one busts a move, the rest follow with their own renditions – almost like a friendly dance-off. Luckily these don’t last longer than about 30 seconds each otherwise they would have anyone in the vicinity crying with hysterical laughter.

Over the past year, gym has become an important part of my life. I came to the conclusion the other day that if I didn’t go to gym after work most days, it would just be a matter of time before I punched someone in the face. It’s a great release… I get to stay healthy while watching these entertaining people and the endorphins aren’t terrible! Someone called me a gym bunny the other day, which I wasn’t really ok with at the time, but the more I’ve thought about, the more I think I’ll just own it. So yes, I am a gym bunny and proud!