Closing chapters

As I’ve mentioned before, there have been some big changes for me this year, such a starting a new job. Maybe I went into it all quite naively but the people changes have also surprised me. And looking back, it happens every time you move I had obviously forgotten about it.  

You generally spend about 50% of your waking hours at work. You’re surrounded by people who have a shared purpose and who you have a varying degrees of things in common with them as well. Being in marketing, you end up working with very similar people. We share some basic traits, we’re mostly outgoing, enjoy being around people and use our right brains a little more than our left brains. So it’s inevitable that you form friendships. 

I am a person who does what they say. I try not to bullshit. I keep my promises as much as I possibly can. So, effectively, if I say I’m going to stay in touch or say we should keep in touch, it’s because I mean it.  When I left the last company, I didn’t send out the standard firm wide email saying we should all keep in touch and here are my details, because well, that would be bullshit. I didn’t know 50% of the people there a d really only wanted to keep in touch with about 10% of those I did.

And in the first month it’s easy. There’s a space where you used to be, you want to speak to someone familiar. But it then peters off and the conversations become sporadic. For me, the point of moving on is when you don’t reply to a message or make a plan and then just drop it. It shows you have no interest and that we’ve moved on, a case for ‘out of sight, out of mind’. I suppose that may also be the reason these people don’t even attempt to engage with you when they do see you. A bit rude I think, but fair enough. I’m sure it happens all the time.  

On the flipside, you get those people who genuinely are your friends despite the work connection. They make a reciprocal effort and make and keep plans to see you and catch up. It may not be every week but they do at least do it. And that’s what really counts. Of my closest friends, only 3 or so are people I used to work with.  

I’ve realised that sometimes you just have to let some people go, almost like my annual spring clean. You need to close off chapters and move on to other things and people who have different things in common with you. You learnt what you could, had some good times and some bad times, but in the end the friends who stay with you are the ones that matter and that you should really make the effort with.

It really is a case of if people aren’t adding anything to your life or your happiness, why are you holding on? Just let them go, close the chapter and look forward to new experiences with new people.