I was out having a glass of wine with a friend the other day and the topic inevitably turned to men. We discussed the latest ones on the scene, those we had seen around and who weren’t looking as good as we remembered and then how things had ended with some of these men. I think everyone has been the victim of a bad breakup, whether it’s a messy one or one that is less than satisfactory – the ones with lots of loose ends.
There should be a basic protocol that should be followed when breaking up with someone. Now I can’t comment on the best way to end a long-term serious relationship, but I can comment on the rest. First, don’t just disappear. That’s just cowardly! And in this day and age quite a difficult thing to do! Everyone is so available, you have at least 5 different ways to get hold of someone, so disappearing is impossible. Having all these various communication channels also makes it easier for people to break up using the wrong medium. It is NOT ok to dump someone by writing on their Facebook wall, by changing your relationship status or mentioning them in a Tweet – “Hi @insertname, I think we should break up #ItsNotYouItsMe”. You should also avoid email and sms and just go the face to face or phone call route. It used to be that it was face to face or nothing – unless you were attempting a long distance relationship and then a call was ok.
Now when it comes to reasons, a lot of people become unstuck. You want to tell the truth, but you don’t want to be too harsh. No one likes to look like a dick afterwards! You CANNOT say “I guess like your favourite book says, I’m just not that into you”!!! No one quotes scripture when they break up with someone – well not in my world! You also can’t say “it’s because I think I have a real shot with your best friend”.
However, I think that if the other person does have their wits about them and has questions, you should answer them and probably do it as truthfully as possible, while still being sensitive. If not, you’re leaving loose ends and more questions.
Also, what is protocol when it comes to gifts and tokens? If someone has bought you a car and it’s in your name, do you give it back? Do you give back a ring, especially one with a really big, pretty, sparkly stone? My first response would be no, especially if you’re the one who’s been dumped – it’s kind of like severance pay. And you don’t take presents back when you break up with a friend… a gift is a gift. Though on the flip side, if I were to break someone’s heart for whatever reason, I may feel guilty enough to give them something back… I’m just not sure what, maybe a photo frame or something?
So if you find yourself in the awkward and painful position of being the one to break up with someone, just think about how you would like to be broken up with and apply it to the situation. If you don’t, you never know, you may be broken up with on Facebook with a message like “Your dick is too small. I think we should see other people. Oh! And by the way, I’m dating your much more well-endowed brother… guess we know who got the good genes in the family!”
Monday, 12 December 2011
The Game
I am busy reading the book, The Game by Neil Strauss. It’s a very interesting book about how to be a player, apparently with the aim of finding the right woman or something along those lines.
What brought this about was a sneaky suspicion that I may be being played. And considering that I thought I knew the Game pretty well and have played it for many years, this was not ayoba! I have seen this book around, on various men’s bookshelves… This was a book I could no longer ignore and had to know more about. So I bought it and the follow up book, “The Rules of the Game”. I now consider myself a bit more educated in the way of the pick-up and feel confident that I can spot a pick-up if need be. Although, I’m not sure if guys are consciously doing it.
So far, I have learnt a couple things from the (first) book and have put some of the techniques to use, with positive results! For example, he talks about ‘negging’. This is when you pay someone an underhanded compliment. I used it on a young, hot colleague of mine. He was showing off his (very impressive) biceps, so I said “Nice, but I’ve seen better”. He then tried to change my mind the rest of the night. And obviously I got to squeeze them regularly, in a bid to change my mind. It got even more fun when I told him that his best friend was above him on my “Hot List”.
Some of the techniques in the book are a bit over the top and sometimes just ridiculous. Things like learning magic tricks, NLP, hypnosis and so on. The way I see it, you shouldn’t have to do all sorts of tricks to pick up a girl.
Something else I have noticed while “out in the field” is that a lot of guys have a problem with the
follow up. They can make a great opening, but then fail to impress further. For example, I was out with the girls on Friday night and a guy walked past and said he would also be looking after us, just after our waiter had introduced himself and said the same thing. Not a bad start… later he came to speak to us, with his married friend in tow – who left about 10 minutes later. From then, this guy proceeded to dig himself deeper and deeper into the “I’m a moron” hole. He showed off his car keys (Mercedes – an old man car), his horse, talked about how he loved hunting (which I refused to talk to him about, because I don’t agree with it), spoke into his walkie talkie (he apparently owns a security company), even dropped his pants (not his boxers, thank god!!) and the list goes on! Eventually he left because we were talking amongst ourselves and having a giggle at his expense. But before he left, he decided it would be a great idea to surprise me with a big smooch… not the best surprise, but bless him, he tried! And left us with A LOT of good private laughs!
So the lesson here is if you think got Game you need to back it up… this isn’t a sprint, it’s a
marathon. Don’t be a chop.
I must say that is quite a fun social experiment so far… I could really have some fun with this,
though I do think it gets a bit boring and empty eventually. People shouldn’t have to have plays that they run to meet each other. It’s real life, not a basketball game.
What brought this about was a sneaky suspicion that I may be being played. And considering that I thought I knew the Game pretty well and have played it for many years, this was not ayoba! I have seen this book around, on various men’s bookshelves… This was a book I could no longer ignore and had to know more about. So I bought it and the follow up book, “The Rules of the Game”. I now consider myself a bit more educated in the way of the pick-up and feel confident that I can spot a pick-up if need be. Although, I’m not sure if guys are consciously doing it.
So far, I have learnt a couple things from the (first) book and have put some of the techniques to use, with positive results! For example, he talks about ‘negging’. This is when you pay someone an underhanded compliment. I used it on a young, hot colleague of mine. He was showing off his (very impressive) biceps, so I said “Nice, but I’ve seen better”. He then tried to change my mind the rest of the night. And obviously I got to squeeze them regularly, in a bid to change my mind. It got even more fun when I told him that his best friend was above him on my “Hot List”.
Some of the techniques in the book are a bit over the top and sometimes just ridiculous. Things like learning magic tricks, NLP, hypnosis and so on. The way I see it, you shouldn’t have to do all sorts of tricks to pick up a girl.
Something else I have noticed while “out in the field” is that a lot of guys have a problem with the
follow up. They can make a great opening, but then fail to impress further. For example, I was out with the girls on Friday night and a guy walked past and said he would also be looking after us, just after our waiter had introduced himself and said the same thing. Not a bad start… later he came to speak to us, with his married friend in tow – who left about 10 minutes later. From then, this guy proceeded to dig himself deeper and deeper into the “I’m a moron” hole. He showed off his car keys (Mercedes – an old man car), his horse, talked about how he loved hunting (which I refused to talk to him about, because I don’t agree with it), spoke into his walkie talkie (he apparently owns a security company), even dropped his pants (not his boxers, thank god!!) and the list goes on! Eventually he left because we were talking amongst ourselves and having a giggle at his expense. But before he left, he decided it would be a great idea to surprise me with a big smooch… not the best surprise, but bless him, he tried! And left us with A LOT of good private laughs!
So the lesson here is if you think got Game you need to back it up… this isn’t a sprint, it’s a
marathon. Don’t be a chop.
I must say that is quite a fun social experiment so far… I could really have some fun with this,
though I do think it gets a bit boring and empty eventually. People shouldn’t have to have plays that they run to meet each other. It’s real life, not a basketball game.
Wednesday, 16 November 2011
What if??
You know those times when you’re sitting quietly alone and your mind wanders… quite often it wanders into the world of “What If”. What if I’d turned right? What if I’d said yes? What if I’d waited a little bit longer?
Maybe it’s because the end of yet another year is around the corner, but lately I’ve been doing a lot of “What If’ing”. Some of it is just random wondering, but some of it has been quite deep and a bit on the depressing side when all is said and done.
For example… if my parents hadn’t been the parents they are and had let me follow my 17 year old heart, and I had moved to East London to be with my first. Where would I be now? Would I be sitting in East London, bored out of my mind, with three children, running a coffee shop? Would I have lost my mind and moved back to Joburg with a couple years of my life to catch up on? Thank god they had the common sense I didn’t! Though the whole situation worked itself out in the end anyway – as these things tend to do.
Another example… my friend ‘Thelma’ and I have been friends since we were four. We were planning on both going to RAU. For matric holiday, we spent some time in Sodwana. We fell in love with the place and the lifestyle. Her mom said she could move there in early the next year, my parents said “Not a chance in hell, university is non-negotiable”. She went, I stayed. She lived a great life – I did get to visit every 3 months. I became a student and partied and (eventually) studied hard. She met the love of her life and they have been together for 15 years and are still madly in love. I am still single, with nothing resembling a great track record in that department. She lives in Cape Town, has her own company making environmentally friendly cleaning products (www.betterearth.co.za), two gorgeous daughters and a loving husband. I live in Joburg, work at a law firm doing Marketing (that I studied and really enjoy) and live alone with my cat. So what would our lives look like if we hadn’t taken those paths? What would she be doing if she’d followed a similar one to mine? When I asked Thelma what she thought of this, she said she probably would’ve ended up in a similar position anyway – and I agree, I think it’s her destiny, as this is mine.
But really, what if I had put in more effort with a particular guy, or what if I hadn’t been so annoyed by a particular habit? What if he was more into me, took time to get to know the real me and accepted my flaws or issues. Would I be happily married (or happily divorced), would I have a kid or two and would I be driving a Porsche?
I believe that there is an element of fate or destiny involved, but I sometimes wonder whether I would be on a different path if I wasn’t too impulsive (and hedonistic) in some situations or too undecided in others?
Note: Impulsiveness and procrastination are really hard personality traits to balance!
Rejection (especially the unexpected kind) always brings up these doubts with me and leads to hours of reflection. No one likes to be rejected, but it does cause a fair amount of self-doubt. Questions like why am I not good enough for anyone, what is wrong with me, what did I do wrong in my previous life that I’m now alone, haven’t I been punished enough by always finding the assholes?
After a while and a couple glasses of wine, it seems that the answer becomes obvious… maybe it’s not meant for me? Maybe I am not one of those people who needs to be part of a pair, maybe everything I have is enough? I figure that if I’m still single and relationships consistently don’t work out, maybe it’s because they’re not supposed to? A fair assumption, right?
I reached this conclusion a few months back and really came to terms with it. I started focusing more of myself, my friends and family and started having more fun because of the awesome company I had. I started training with a personal trainer – so that was 2 hours a week of undivided male attention – and I feel healthier and fitter. And I decided not to date or let men get in the way, because everything was awesome without them.
Then…what I was expecting to be a one night stand became someone I chatted to every day and eventually ended in one of the best dates ever. And that’s where it ended - well, that’s what I assume since he seems to not be that into me? So falling back into my usual patterns, I questioned, reflected, felt sorry for myself, listened to the advice of all sorts of people, worked out really hard and got over it – in record time! I realised that no amount of “What If-ing” would change things. He is who he is with his issues and I am who I am with mine… if it’s not meant to be, why try to understand it? It just is.
So I think that is enough “What If-ing” for the time being and I’m going back to who I was a month ago! That awesome, happy, confident and independent person I REALLY like!
Maybe it’s because the end of yet another year is around the corner, but lately I’ve been doing a lot of “What If’ing”. Some of it is just random wondering, but some of it has been quite deep and a bit on the depressing side when all is said and done.
For example… if my parents hadn’t been the parents they are and had let me follow my 17 year old heart, and I had moved to East London to be with my first. Where would I be now? Would I be sitting in East London, bored out of my mind, with three children, running a coffee shop? Would I have lost my mind and moved back to Joburg with a couple years of my life to catch up on? Thank god they had the common sense I didn’t! Though the whole situation worked itself out in the end anyway – as these things tend to do.
Another example… my friend ‘Thelma’ and I have been friends since we were four. We were planning on both going to RAU. For matric holiday, we spent some time in Sodwana. We fell in love with the place and the lifestyle. Her mom said she could move there in early the next year, my parents said “Not a chance in hell, university is non-negotiable”. She went, I stayed. She lived a great life – I did get to visit every 3 months. I became a student and partied and (eventually) studied hard. She met the love of her life and they have been together for 15 years and are still madly in love. I am still single, with nothing resembling a great track record in that department. She lives in Cape Town, has her own company making environmentally friendly cleaning products (www.betterearth.co.za), two gorgeous daughters and a loving husband. I live in Joburg, work at a law firm doing Marketing (that I studied and really enjoy) and live alone with my cat. So what would our lives look like if we hadn’t taken those paths? What would she be doing if she’d followed a similar one to mine? When I asked Thelma what she thought of this, she said she probably would’ve ended up in a similar position anyway – and I agree, I think it’s her destiny, as this is mine.
But really, what if I had put in more effort with a particular guy, or what if I hadn’t been so annoyed by a particular habit? What if he was more into me, took time to get to know the real me and accepted my flaws or issues. Would I be happily married (or happily divorced), would I have a kid or two and would I be driving a Porsche?
I believe that there is an element of fate or destiny involved, but I sometimes wonder whether I would be on a different path if I wasn’t too impulsive (and hedonistic) in some situations or too undecided in others?
Note: Impulsiveness and procrastination are really hard personality traits to balance!
Rejection (especially the unexpected kind) always brings up these doubts with me and leads to hours of reflection. No one likes to be rejected, but it does cause a fair amount of self-doubt. Questions like why am I not good enough for anyone, what is wrong with me, what did I do wrong in my previous life that I’m now alone, haven’t I been punished enough by always finding the assholes?
After a while and a couple glasses of wine, it seems that the answer becomes obvious… maybe it’s not meant for me? Maybe I am not one of those people who needs to be part of a pair, maybe everything I have is enough? I figure that if I’m still single and relationships consistently don’t work out, maybe it’s because they’re not supposed to? A fair assumption, right?
I reached this conclusion a few months back and really came to terms with it. I started focusing more of myself, my friends and family and started having more fun because of the awesome company I had. I started training with a personal trainer – so that was 2 hours a week of undivided male attention – and I feel healthier and fitter. And I decided not to date or let men get in the way, because everything was awesome without them.
Then…what I was expecting to be a one night stand became someone I chatted to every day and eventually ended in one of the best dates ever. And that’s where it ended - well, that’s what I assume since he seems to not be that into me? So falling back into my usual patterns, I questioned, reflected, felt sorry for myself, listened to the advice of all sorts of people, worked out really hard and got over it – in record time! I realised that no amount of “What If-ing” would change things. He is who he is with his issues and I am who I am with mine… if it’s not meant to be, why try to understand it? It just is.
So I think that is enough “What If-ing” for the time being and I’m going back to who I was a month ago! That awesome, happy, confident and independent person I REALLY like!
Thursday, 29 September 2011
Top 10 things guys don't want to hear
I found this fantastic article online… and my comments are obviously included (in blue)!
10. "Are you done?"
Any woman who has had sex, ever, has at least thought this if not asked it. The idea that the longer you last the better comes from men’s magazines and romance novels. Over 30 minutes of sex is really not fun…. it gets uncomfortable – ladies get stiff in the wrong places and it begins to chaff. This is where the saying “I only smoke after sex” comes from. Seriously, get in there, do you thing (well) and get out, if you haven’t hit the spot after 15 minutes, I have a feeling you’re not going to. I know this will deflate egos (among other things) but seriously, by that stage, WE DON’T CARE!
9. "We should take dancing lessons!"
This statement can strike fear on two levels: For one, you’ll be learning the cha-cha in a room full of other hapless guys who will only serve to remind you of your own sad fate. And secondly, the next wedding or social function you attend, your girlfriend will undoubtedly want to show off your whole repertoire, from Foxtrot to Charleston. Ready for centre stage? We didn't think so.
8. "Notice anything different?"
If you have to ask, he's not going to know...
Why do you never want to hear her say this? Because it’s a minefield, my friend. You guess she got a haircut. She didn’t, and is angry you suggested it. You then guess she’s wearing a new outfit; she’s not, and now she’s even angrier. You grasp at another guess; she did her nails. Wrong! Now you’re officially the most insensitive man on the planet and she lets you know it. “How could you not notice my new eyebrows?” You failed, you loser. Time to pony up for flowers and a night out, pronto.
7. "Don't worry, he's just my ex."
It is very rare that you can actually stay friends with an ex and not reminisce about the old times, whatever feelings went with that relationship or the great sex you used to have. We like to think we can, but alas, we can’t. Generally, one of you starts feeling the old (good) feelings again, remembering the good times. Unless you have kept your old diary where you wrote down exactly why you broke up and what an idiot he was, you will forget the bad and annoying. This is never a safe place to be especially when you have a relationship with someone else on the go.
6. "It's OK, it's not contagious."
Being a sufferer of the occasional fever blister this is not something I want to hear or say! Why would you take the chance? Whether its herpes or a cold, you don’t give to people, that’s just not nice!
Care for some herpes simplex? Painful STD? Better to first assess what your wife/girlfriend is talking about. Then Google it to death and cross-reference it with a doctor. Be prepared for the backlash. Once you refuse to touch her, she may feel like she’s in quarantine and consider you an inhumane, cruel man. But happily you’ll be infection-free, though possibly girlfriend-free as well.
5. "We need to talk."
No one likes to hear these words, in most circumstances… much like how I don’t like people using my name while talking to me (always gives me the feeling I’ve done something wrong). It’s a phrase where you automatically expect the worst and it usually doesn’t disappoint.
Cue the dramatic music, please. This heavy phrase you never want to hear her say is the classic tip-off that something bad is about to happen. And in the few seconds before she tells you what that bad thing is, your stomach flips around like a fish in a frying pan as you think about the range of possibilities. Is it over? Does she want time away? Did you forget the milk, again? Regardless, one thing is clear: you are about to be told you are deficient in some way, and it ain't gonna be pretty.
4. "Do you know what day today is?"
10. "Are you done?"
Any woman who has had sex, ever, has at least thought this if not asked it. The idea that the longer you last the better comes from men’s magazines and romance novels. Over 30 minutes of sex is really not fun…. it gets uncomfortable – ladies get stiff in the wrong places and it begins to chaff. This is where the saying “I only smoke after sex” comes from. Seriously, get in there, do you thing (well) and get out, if you haven’t hit the spot after 15 minutes, I have a feeling you’re not going to. I know this will deflate egos (among other things) but seriously, by that stage, WE DON’T CARE!
9. "We should take dancing lessons!"
This statement can strike fear on two levels: For one, you’ll be learning the cha-cha in a room full of other hapless guys who will only serve to remind you of your own sad fate. And secondly, the next wedding or social function you attend, your girlfriend will undoubtedly want to show off your whole repertoire, from Foxtrot to Charleston. Ready for centre stage? We didn't think so.
8. "Notice anything different?"
If you have to ask, he's not going to know...
Why do you never want to hear her say this? Because it’s a minefield, my friend. You guess she got a haircut. She didn’t, and is angry you suggested it. You then guess she’s wearing a new outfit; she’s not, and now she’s even angrier. You grasp at another guess; she did her nails. Wrong! Now you’re officially the most insensitive man on the planet and she lets you know it. “How could you not notice my new eyebrows?” You failed, you loser. Time to pony up for flowers and a night out, pronto.
7. "Don't worry, he's just my ex."
It is very rare that you can actually stay friends with an ex and not reminisce about the old times, whatever feelings went with that relationship or the great sex you used to have. We like to think we can, but alas, we can’t. Generally, one of you starts feeling the old (good) feelings again, remembering the good times. Unless you have kept your old diary where you wrote down exactly why you broke up and what an idiot he was, you will forget the bad and annoying. This is never a safe place to be especially when you have a relationship with someone else on the go.
6. "It's OK, it's not contagious."
Being a sufferer of the occasional fever blister this is not something I want to hear or say! Why would you take the chance? Whether its herpes or a cold, you don’t give to people, that’s just not nice!
Care for some herpes simplex? Painful STD? Better to first assess what your wife/girlfriend is talking about. Then Google it to death and cross-reference it with a doctor. Be prepared for the backlash. Once you refuse to touch her, she may feel like she’s in quarantine and consider you an inhumane, cruel man. But happily you’ll be infection-free, though possibly girlfriend-free as well.
5. "We need to talk."
No one likes to hear these words, in most circumstances… much like how I don’t like people using my name while talking to me (always gives me the feeling I’ve done something wrong). It’s a phrase where you automatically expect the worst and it usually doesn’t disappoint.
Cue the dramatic music, please. This heavy phrase you never want to hear her say is the classic tip-off that something bad is about to happen. And in the few seconds before she tells you what that bad thing is, your stomach flips around like a fish in a frying pan as you think about the range of possibilities. Is it over? Does she want time away? Did you forget the milk, again? Regardless, one thing is clear: you are about to be told you are deficient in some way, and it ain't gonna be pretty.
4. "Do you know what day today is?"
Again, if you have to ask...
Quick. Think. The dog's birthday? Your parents' anniversary? Wednesday? Like the No. 8 thing you never want to hear her say on our list, this can be an open-ended hell for any man. You throw out ideas and every wrong answer you get, you inch closer to sleeping on the couch for an undetermined period of time. We would like to offer a few words of advice regarding this nightmarish situation: Always pick important relationship-related dates if you must make an idiotic guess, and for God's sake, write down all significant dates.
3. "I've been thinking..."
Uh oh. First of all, this means you need to get comfortable. Her thinking could mean anything from talking about the "state of your union” to how you can improve your attitude, language, style, or why you should join Kabbalah. Thinking is essential in every other context, but in this one, it can be disastrous.
2. "I'm late."
This is one of those phrases you as a woman never want to say because it generally means, “we’ve had sex, something went wrong, we’re not married/serious/compatible in the long term and if this is what I think it is, I’m bound to you for the rest of my life – and I really don’t know if that works for me.” AAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!! Again, this phrase also has a negative connotation, I don’t know many people who can put a positive, happy spin on it when they say it.
No, we don't mean for work. For every guy who has ever heard this, it's come out sounding more like “Your life is over.” No amount of commitment is going to make this statement any easier to take. We won't even get into the impact this would have coming from a one-night stand…
The impact these two little words can have on any man is just too great to put into actual words, but we'll try: nine months of hell, sleepless nights, crying, breast milk, hormones - OK, we just can't go on.
1. "Aw, it's so cute!"
If you add in a finger tickle gesture, it really just makes it worse. Again, I’m sure most ladies have at one stage wanted to say these very words! I have a friend who once said this to her husband after he got out of the bath and wondered why he didn’t speak to her for two weeks, because it was in fact cute and she thought he would see the humour as well. Really? You cannot demean a man’s member! It’s his pride and joy – I’m sure you’ve had one paraded in front of you or swung around for your benefit. This is the male version of being told that your butt looks fat or that he really likes how you have love handles for him to hold on to.
3. "I've been thinking..."
Uh oh. First of all, this means you need to get comfortable. Her thinking could mean anything from talking about the "state of your union” to how you can improve your attitude, language, style, or why you should join Kabbalah. Thinking is essential in every other context, but in this one, it can be disastrous.
2. "I'm late."
This is one of those phrases you as a woman never want to say because it generally means, “we’ve had sex, something went wrong, we’re not married/serious/compatible in the long term and if this is what I think it is, I’m bound to you for the rest of my life – and I really don’t know if that works for me.” AAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!! Again, this phrase also has a negative connotation, I don’t know many people who can put a positive, happy spin on it when they say it.
No, we don't mean for work. For every guy who has ever heard this, it's come out sounding more like “Your life is over.” No amount of commitment is going to make this statement any easier to take. We won't even get into the impact this would have coming from a one-night stand…
The impact these two little words can have on any man is just too great to put into actual words, but we'll try: nine months of hell, sleepless nights, crying, breast milk, hormones - OK, we just can't go on.
1. "Aw, it's so cute!"
If you add in a finger tickle gesture, it really just makes it worse. Again, I’m sure most ladies have at one stage wanted to say these very words! I have a friend who once said this to her husband after he got out of the bath and wondered why he didn’t speak to her for two weeks, because it was in fact cute and she thought he would see the humour as well. Really? You cannot demean a man’s member! It’s his pride and joy – I’m sure you’ve had one paraded in front of you or swung around for your benefit. This is the male version of being told that your butt looks fat or that he really likes how you have love handles for him to hold on to.
Tuesday, 16 August 2011
The Kids of Camp Niobe
I was browsing Facebook and looking at a friends photo's and webiste, when I came across this page... I had forgotten all about it! It brought back such fantastic memories of my 5 months in the US in 2000...
http://www.photohype.com/gh_campniobe.htm
Perhaps the story of my adventure will make it onto the pages of my blog. Actually, they will dammit! Time to transcribe that diary I kept :)
http://www.photohype.com/gh_campniobe.htm
Perhaps the story of my adventure will make it onto the pages of my blog. Actually, they will dammit! Time to transcribe that diary I kept :)
Friday, 12 August 2011
Nothing beats...
Nothing beats…
…seeing an ex for the first time and you look awesome… and he doesn’t
…seeing the same ex a few weeks later and realising you feel absolutely nothing for him
…the first sip of an ice cold cider on a hot summer day
…sinking your feet into warm beach sand
…breaking the water’s surface after a scuba dive
…finding the perfect pair of pants that make your ass look oh so tight
…finding those pants in 3 different colours
…and finding the perfect shoes to match in the same shopping trip
…your first wonder bra
…making out for hours with someone you really like
…snoozing in the winter sun
…the Woolworths sale
…stringy melted cheese on a pizza or toasted sandwich
…a bear hug
Nothing beats that warm, happy feeling :)
…seeing an ex for the first time and you look awesome… and he doesn’t
…seeing the same ex a few weeks later and realising you feel absolutely nothing for him
…the first sip of an ice cold cider on a hot summer day
…sinking your feet into warm beach sand
…breaking the water’s surface after a scuba dive
…finding the perfect pair of pants that make your ass look oh so tight
…finding those pants in 3 different colours
…and finding the perfect shoes to match in the same shopping trip
…your first wonder bra
…making out for hours with someone you really like
…snoozing in the winter sun
…the Woolworths sale
…stringy melted cheese on a pizza or toasted sandwich
…a bear hug
Nothing beats that warm, happy feeling :)
Friday, 17 June 2011
Baby's First Tattoo
I finally got my shit together, made a final decision (not an easy thing for me to do!) and booked myself a tattoo session at Kevin’s Kustom Tattoo’s in Northcliff (they did my belly ring in 1996).
I had been determined to get a tattoo for the past 4 years, but had never done it. I was going to do it when I lost weight for my 30th birthday… I didn’t lose weight. And so it went, I set goals, didn’t meet them and didn’t get a tattoo. Finally, on doctors (very scary) orders, I lost 10kg’s and managed to keep it off. So, when my 33rd birthday rolled around, it was time!
The other thing holding me back, besides my lack of goal achievement was what to get? Seeing as how tattoo’s are (as my parents always tell me) permanent, it had to be something that meant something and that was ‘me’. So, I Googled. I found some really nice ones, but nothing grabbed me (except the really big ones that are done down the side). I was almost decided on stars but then I had an epiphany! A daisy! Perfect and SO apt! I was given the nickname “Daisy Chainsaw, Last of the Poppy People” by someone who played a big role in my teenage years and my best friend used it too (though abbreviated to DCLOTPP). I also doodle daisies and sign cards with a daisy under my name. My brother bought me a daisy ring when he was in Greece because when he saw it he said it was ‘me’. So, decision made! Yay!
I stopped in at the tattoo shop and booked my appointment for the 21st March, a public holiday and the day before my birthday.
On the morning, I was feeling a bit tender after a late night out, but managed to pull through with many sugary drinks and a toasted cheese sandwich. I watched a girl get script tattooed down her rib cage and another get a tattoo on her neck. I was feeling calm and ready…
When it was my turn, Bevan and I looked at the daisy I had chosen and found some curly things to go on either side and decided to put it on my lower back. When it came to getting the tattoo, he asked me to sit on the bed and hug my knees and not to move. Now, I’m a twitchy person and have random sensitive areas on my back, so not moving is not a promise I can comfortably make. Bevan told me he’d do a test line without ink, so I’d know what to expect – he had described the pain and a thousand bees stinging you at the same time… not very comforting. So with the test line done and not nearly as bad as I expected, I was ready!
We chatted, I hugged my knees, cringed a bit once in a while, but thought I was being very brave! And that was the outline done. Then came the shading…. AAARRRRGGGHHHH!!! I was not ready for that! I held on though, surely that was the worst… the black curly design bits weren’t too think and the flower was lightly shaded. No problem! Then came the middle, yellow bit….he went over and over and over it, to make sure it was solid. It was also sitting right in the centre of the top of my pelvis. It felt like someone was slowly gouging out a piece of skin with a sharp knife. By this stage I was grinding my teeth and squeezing my ankles until my feet went numb.
While all of this was going on, a girl walked in to get a tattoo on her thigh and came to take a look at what was happening. She was very nice and complimentary – a little bit of reassurance goes a long way when you’re trying not to squeal with pain. She then asked me whether I had used the cream. ‘Cream?” I said. “Yes, the numbing cream.” Um… no! No one told me about a numbing cream! So I said “Nah… Im hard core!” and luckily Bevan agreed! But I do think that you should feel every minute of your first tattoo, it’s kind of like a right of passage.
So after it was done, I was covered up, told what nappy cream to buy and that was that! Success!
My garn and her twin sister came over to see me that afternoon, so I showed them and got them to help me clean all the dried blood off. And they liked it! At least that was something because I knew my parents would not be happy. But what could they do? My brother already has two, so I’m hardly the first one to go against their wishes (for a change)
It was a bit tender for a few days afterwards and then started getting really itchy when the scab started forming and falling off – nothing says crazy like someone hitting their lower back (instead of scratching) for no apparent reason. But it is all healed now and I think it’s really pretty and I have absolutely no regret!
They say that tattoo’s are addictive. I can tell you that for 3 weeks afterwards, I was adamant that they aren’t. But I now notice other people’s tattoo’s more and once in a while a new tattoo does pop into my head. But for now, I don’t have anything specific in mind and I don’t have a reason… so that’s me for a while, until the next epiphany or landmark.
This tattoo is me and reminds me that this is who I am… so take it or leave it!
The other thing holding me back, besides my lack of goal achievement was what to get? Seeing as how tattoo’s are (as my parents always tell me) permanent, it had to be something that meant something and that was ‘me’. So, I Googled. I found some really nice ones, but nothing grabbed me (except the really big ones that are done down the side). I was almost decided on stars but then I had an epiphany! A daisy! Perfect and SO apt! I was given the nickname “Daisy Chainsaw, Last of the Poppy People” by someone who played a big role in my teenage years and my best friend used it too (though abbreviated to DCLOTPP). I also doodle daisies and sign cards with a daisy under my name. My brother bought me a daisy ring when he was in Greece because when he saw it he said it was ‘me’. So, decision made! Yay!
I stopped in at the tattoo shop and booked my appointment for the 21st March, a public holiday and the day before my birthday.
On the morning, I was feeling a bit tender after a late night out, but managed to pull through with many sugary drinks and a toasted cheese sandwich. I watched a girl get script tattooed down her rib cage and another get a tattoo on her neck. I was feeling calm and ready…
When it was my turn, Bevan and I looked at the daisy I had chosen and found some curly things to go on either side and decided to put it on my lower back. When it came to getting the tattoo, he asked me to sit on the bed and hug my knees and not to move. Now, I’m a twitchy person and have random sensitive areas on my back, so not moving is not a promise I can comfortably make. Bevan told me he’d do a test line without ink, so I’d know what to expect – he had described the pain and a thousand bees stinging you at the same time… not very comforting. So with the test line done and not nearly as bad as I expected, I was ready!
We chatted, I hugged my knees, cringed a bit once in a while, but thought I was being very brave! And that was the outline done. Then came the shading…. AAARRRRGGGHHHH!!! I was not ready for that! I held on though, surely that was the worst… the black curly design bits weren’t too think and the flower was lightly shaded. No problem! Then came the middle, yellow bit….he went over and over and over it, to make sure it was solid. It was also sitting right in the centre of the top of my pelvis. It felt like someone was slowly gouging out a piece of skin with a sharp knife. By this stage I was grinding my teeth and squeezing my ankles until my feet went numb.
While all of this was going on, a girl walked in to get a tattoo on her thigh and came to take a look at what was happening. She was very nice and complimentary – a little bit of reassurance goes a long way when you’re trying not to squeal with pain. She then asked me whether I had used the cream. ‘Cream?” I said. “Yes, the numbing cream.” Um… no! No one told me about a numbing cream! So I said “Nah… Im hard core!” and luckily Bevan agreed! But I do think that you should feel every minute of your first tattoo, it’s kind of like a right of passage.
So after it was done, I was covered up, told what nappy cream to buy and that was that! Success!
My garn and her twin sister came over to see me that afternoon, so I showed them and got them to help me clean all the dried blood off. And they liked it! At least that was something because I knew my parents would not be happy. But what could they do? My brother already has two, so I’m hardly the first one to go against their wishes (for a change)
It was a bit tender for a few days afterwards and then started getting really itchy when the scab started forming and falling off – nothing says crazy like someone hitting their lower back (instead of scratching) for no apparent reason. But it is all healed now and I think it’s really pretty and I have absolutely no regret!
They say that tattoo’s are addictive. I can tell you that for 3 weeks afterwards, I was adamant that they aren’t. But I now notice other people’s tattoo’s more and once in a while a new tattoo does pop into my head. But for now, I don’t have anything specific in mind and I don’t have a reason… so that’s me for a while, until the next epiphany or landmark.
This tattoo is me and reminds me that this is who I am… so take it or leave it!
Monday, 23 May 2011
Rapture… what’s the big hooha?
So as I’m sure everyone knows by now, the world (as we know it) should’ve ended on Saturday 21 May and Jesus was supposed to come back for a visit. Hence the rapture… oooohhhhh….
Apparently, at 6:00pm (in which time zone I don’t know), a massive earthquake would devastate the planet, the dead would rise from their graves, and mankind would have to endure five months of fiery damnation before the world ended in October. To be honest, I had no idea what time it was supposed to happen but I was working towards 7:00pm.
Those people who were chosen – it is said there were 200 million of these so-called ‘true believers’ – would get fast tracked straight up to heaven where they would probably get popcorn and a slush puppie to enjoy the festivities down below on Earth.
According to the totally sane guy who is spreading the news, Harold Camping, the ACTUAL day the world will end is the 21 October 2011. The 21 May was just the date Jesus was supposed to arrive to collect souls and start the fire. This guy also predicted the Rapture would take place on 6 September 1994, but as we all know, that also didn’t happen. Though after re-calculating, he came up with 21 May and says that it’s totally for real this time. Ummmm… try again!!
But according to Jesus – who I follow on Twitter @Jesus_M_Christ – he couldn’t find any decent souls to Rapture… and he also got high.
So I guess we’ll just have to wait and see what 21 October brings and then what 21 December 2012 brings…. Until then… LET’S HAVE SOME FUN! WOOOHOOO!!!
Apparently, at 6:00pm (in which time zone I don’t know), a massive earthquake would devastate the planet, the dead would rise from their graves, and mankind would have to endure five months of fiery damnation before the world ended in October. To be honest, I had no idea what time it was supposed to happen but I was working towards 7:00pm.
Those people who were chosen – it is said there were 200 million of these so-called ‘true believers’ – would get fast tracked straight up to heaven where they would probably get popcorn and a slush puppie to enjoy the festivities down below on Earth.
According to the totally sane guy who is spreading the news, Harold Camping, the ACTUAL day the world will end is the 21 October 2011. The 21 May was just the date Jesus was supposed to arrive to collect souls and start the fire. This guy also predicted the Rapture would take place on 6 September 1994, but as we all know, that also didn’t happen. Though after re-calculating, he came up with 21 May and says that it’s totally for real this time. Ummmm… try again!!
But according to Jesus – who I follow on Twitter @Jesus_M_Christ – he couldn’t find any decent souls to Rapture… and he also got high.
So I guess we’ll just have to wait and see what 21 October brings and then what 21 December 2012 brings…. Until then… LET’S HAVE SOME FUN! WOOOHOOO!!!
Is romance dead?
In the space of one day, I came across 3 very different stories revolving around marriage…
The first story was about a guy who filmed an elaborate marriage proposal and screened it at the cinema where his girlfriend was due to watch a film. Apparently, he made every girl in the room jealous too.
How very nice! Hope the romance lasts! That is really a lot to keep living up to!
The second story, according to the Daily Mail, some romantic guy had clearly put in a lot of effort to propose to his girlfriend. He had picked out the ring, rehearsed a song, practised his speech and had even took his beloved back to the place where they met so he could pop the question. But as he met her outside a fast food shop in a shopping mall, perhaps he should have guessed that getting down on bended knee in front of whooping shoppers might not strike quite the right note.
In a video posted by a bystander online the man startles his (possibly now ex) girlfriend by proposing to her in front of gleeful customers in the food court section of the fashion mall, in Los Angeles.
The dejected romantic declares to the girl - named as Caroline - just how much he loves her and why they must be together. He is joined by a guitarist, who accompanies him as he bursts into song, serenading the panicking girl with Neil Diamond's classic song “Sweet Caroline”.
'We met one year ago right in front of this Cinnabon,' he begins.
'I was dizzy in your presence, Caroline.
'I love everything about you... I love how you curl up next to me on the sofa and purr like a kitten.
'Make me the most happiest and dizzy man in the world.'
But despite his heartfelt sentiments and the ogling shoppers who shout at her to accept, “Caroline”, whose hands have been clamped over her mouth in shock since he started his proposal and murmuring “Oh my God, what are you doing?” at him, looks around the centre and decides to dash out, according to Daily Mail.
The young man is left heartbroken, surrounded by shocked shoppers who snap pictures of him and try to console the rejected Romeo with 'that was brutal' and 'it's alright, man, it's alright.'
Hopefully next time the young man will opt to propose in a slightly more secluded setting.
To be honest, I don’t think I’d be terribly impressed if a guy proposed to me in front of MacDonald’s or KFC…. Rather pick where you went on a first date. Or if you’re that into it, make a replica in a more secluded place, that isn’t a shopping mall!
Unlucky!! I guess she’s just not that into you… or she would’ve said yes.
Bride-to-be tries to kill herself
A 22-year-old woman in a wedding gown is grabbed by Guo Zhongfan, a local community officer, as she attempts to kill herself by jumping out of a seven-storey residential building in Changchun, China.
According to local media, the woman tried to commit suicide after her boyfriend of four years broke up with her, just as they were making plans to get married. The woman did not sustain any injuries during the incident.
Well, maybe injuries to her pride… one day she’ll look back at this and think “What the hell was I thinking?? He had no idea what he was losing and now he’s fat and lonely… and he had a small willy! I sure as hell dodged that bullet!”
The first story was about a guy who filmed an elaborate marriage proposal and screened it at the cinema where his girlfriend was due to watch a film. Apparently, he made every girl in the room jealous too.
How very nice! Hope the romance lasts! That is really a lot to keep living up to!
The second story, according to the Daily Mail, some romantic guy had clearly put in a lot of effort to propose to his girlfriend. He had picked out the ring, rehearsed a song, practised his speech and had even took his beloved back to the place where they met so he could pop the question. But as he met her outside a fast food shop in a shopping mall, perhaps he should have guessed that getting down on bended knee in front of whooping shoppers might not strike quite the right note.
In a video posted by a bystander online the man startles his (possibly now ex) girlfriend by proposing to her in front of gleeful customers in the food court section of the fashion mall, in Los Angeles.
The dejected romantic declares to the girl - named as Caroline - just how much he loves her and why they must be together. He is joined by a guitarist, who accompanies him as he bursts into song, serenading the panicking girl with Neil Diamond's classic song “Sweet Caroline”.
'We met one year ago right in front of this Cinnabon,' he begins.
'I was dizzy in your presence, Caroline.
'I love everything about you... I love how you curl up next to me on the sofa and purr like a kitten.
'Make me the most happiest and dizzy man in the world.'
But despite his heartfelt sentiments and the ogling shoppers who shout at her to accept, “Caroline”, whose hands have been clamped over her mouth in shock since he started his proposal and murmuring “Oh my God, what are you doing?” at him, looks around the centre and decides to dash out, according to Daily Mail.
The young man is left heartbroken, surrounded by shocked shoppers who snap pictures of him and try to console the rejected Romeo with 'that was brutal' and 'it's alright, man, it's alright.'
Hopefully next time the young man will opt to propose in a slightly more secluded setting.
To be honest, I don’t think I’d be terribly impressed if a guy proposed to me in front of MacDonald’s or KFC…. Rather pick where you went on a first date. Or if you’re that into it, make a replica in a more secluded place, that isn’t a shopping mall!
Unlucky!! I guess she’s just not that into you… or she would’ve said yes.
Bride-to-be tries to kill herself
A 22-year-old woman in a wedding gown is grabbed by Guo Zhongfan, a local community officer, as she attempts to kill herself by jumping out of a seven-storey residential building in Changchun, China.
According to local media, the woman tried to commit suicide after her boyfriend of four years broke up with her, just as they were making plans to get married. The woman did not sustain any injuries during the incident.
Well, maybe injuries to her pride… one day she’ll look back at this and think “What the hell was I thinking?? He had no idea what he was losing and now he’s fat and lonely… and he had a small willy! I sure as hell dodged that bullet!”
Saturday, 14 May 2011
The new Ten Commandments
As single or dating girls, we should have some things that are just non-negotiable. Some are easier to stick to but we should always keep the others in mind.
When it comes to men and dating, we seem to put up with too much and let too many things slide. We explain them away, justify them, and make up excuses like… “just give him time, he’ll see how awesome I am and will stop hedging his bets and looking for someone better”; “he treats me so well when we’re alone”; “but we really click, really”; he’s so busy he doesn’t always have time to email/sms/BBM/What’sApp/ Skype/Facebook/Tweet me” (that’s total bullshit!! He will be spending time in traffic, drinking coffee or sitting on the toilet – he can always find time if he wants to).
ENOUGH!!! If he’s not being a decent guy, not being a real man, you need to speak to him about it so that he knows what you expect and think. If you’re scared it’ll scare him off, maybe that’s not such a bad thing! No one likes a scaredy cat!
Do you really still want to be wondering, interpreting, trying to decipher every little thing in three months’ time? My answer would be NO!!!! And how do I know? I;ve been there, done that, shed a tear over it. It sucks being let down and disappointed but we’ve all had to deal with it at some point.
Some men are very good at fooling you into thinking it’s all great and that there’s a future – they may even believe it themselves… But once the little things start to niggle, it’s time to go with your gut, ask the hard questions and decide whether you’re worth more. I would bet that you are!
So here are my top 10 Commandments. And unlike Moses’, mine can be updated and added to, so if you have anything to add, do so!
Thou shalt not…
1. … let a man make you feel crap about yourself.
If he doesn’t think you’re awesome and doesn’t say and do all the nice things you deserve, why are you bothering? You deserve to be treated the way you want to be treated.
2. …be someone’s second choice or the “until someone better comes along” girl.
You should be his first and only choice. He’s yours isn’t he?
3. …run after a man
I know it’s 2011 and women have a lot of power and are very independent but sometimes we need to stick with the old school way of doing things. Men need to be men. They need to step up and take control. They need to ask you out. They need to contact you. They need to win your affection and court you. If you do most of the initiating, you need to take a step back and rethink whether he would contact you if you stopped. Would he?
4. … have to analyse whether he’s into you.
You shouldn’t have to analyse whether he’s into you. You should know, it should be obvious and he should show it.
5. …compromise yourself.
Don’t change your personality, your body, your beliefs or your friends for a man. If he doesn’t like you for who and what you are, he should find someone else. Just look at how it all ended for Advocate Barbie!
6. …be at his beck and call.
If he needs you to pick him up at a braai, after drinks, after a game, he better have the common courtesy to invite you in for at least one drink. If he’s not, why not? Are you just a glorified driver who puts out? Staff with benefits? I think it’s time to reassess your job title and job description.
7. … date a man who treats ‘service people’ like crap.
If you can’t treat a waiter, cashier or security guard with respect, who’s to say he won’t treat you like that one day?
8. … date a married, engaged, involved guy.
Do I need to elaborate?
9. …take a man back.
There’s a reason you broke up, no matter who did the dumping. The reason will always be in the back of your mind and will probably resurface in a very ugly way.
10. …be anything other than a fabulous, awesome and amazing woman and don’t need a man to be that.
When it comes to men and dating, we seem to put up with too much and let too many things slide. We explain them away, justify them, and make up excuses like… “just give him time, he’ll see how awesome I am and will stop hedging his bets and looking for someone better”; “he treats me so well when we’re alone”; “but we really click, really”; he’s so busy he doesn’t always have time to email/sms/BBM/What’sApp/ Skype/Facebook/Tweet me” (that’s total bullshit!! He will be spending time in traffic, drinking coffee or sitting on the toilet – he can always find time if he wants to).
ENOUGH!!! If he’s not being a decent guy, not being a real man, you need to speak to him about it so that he knows what you expect and think. If you’re scared it’ll scare him off, maybe that’s not such a bad thing! No one likes a scaredy cat!
Do you really still want to be wondering, interpreting, trying to decipher every little thing in three months’ time? My answer would be NO!!!! And how do I know? I;ve been there, done that, shed a tear over it. It sucks being let down and disappointed but we’ve all had to deal with it at some point.
Some men are very good at fooling you into thinking it’s all great and that there’s a future – they may even believe it themselves… But once the little things start to niggle, it’s time to go with your gut, ask the hard questions and decide whether you’re worth more. I would bet that you are!
So here are my top 10 Commandments. And unlike Moses’, mine can be updated and added to, so if you have anything to add, do so!
Thou shalt not…
1. … let a man make you feel crap about yourself.
If he doesn’t think you’re awesome and doesn’t say and do all the nice things you deserve, why are you bothering? You deserve to be treated the way you want to be treated.
2. …be someone’s second choice or the “until someone better comes along” girl.
You should be his first and only choice. He’s yours isn’t he?
3. …run after a man
I know it’s 2011 and women have a lot of power and are very independent but sometimes we need to stick with the old school way of doing things. Men need to be men. They need to step up and take control. They need to ask you out. They need to contact you. They need to win your affection and court you. If you do most of the initiating, you need to take a step back and rethink whether he would contact you if you stopped. Would he?
4. … have to analyse whether he’s into you.
You shouldn’t have to analyse whether he’s into you. You should know, it should be obvious and he should show it.
5. …compromise yourself.
Don’t change your personality, your body, your beliefs or your friends for a man. If he doesn’t like you for who and what you are, he should find someone else. Just look at how it all ended for Advocate Barbie!
6. …be at his beck and call.
If he needs you to pick him up at a braai, after drinks, after a game, he better have the common courtesy to invite you in for at least one drink. If he’s not, why not? Are you just a glorified driver who puts out? Staff with benefits? I think it’s time to reassess your job title and job description.
7. … date a man who treats ‘service people’ like crap.
If you can’t treat a waiter, cashier or security guard with respect, who’s to say he won’t treat you like that one day?
8. … date a married, engaged, involved guy.
Do I need to elaborate?
9. …take a man back.
There’s a reason you broke up, no matter who did the dumping. The reason will always be in the back of your mind and will probably resurface in a very ugly way.
10. …be anything other than a fabulous, awesome and amazing woman and don’t need a man to be that.
Wednesday, 11 May 2011
I think that’s enough…
I have come to the decision that I am very over the online dating thing! After a few very unsuccessful dates (though I did get some entertaining stories out of them!), I am throwing in the towel.
And as a final send off, I leave you with yet another pearler of a candidate…
Why should you get to know devilliers?
NO PERSONS UNDER AGE (sensitive!!)
First the bad news...Why not to get to know me: I take medication(anti - depressants, tranquilizers and sleeping pills) However I am not a suicidal case past or potential. I have PTSD(post traumatic stress disorder)Also I don't have wheels presently. The PTSD is because twice I've nearly died once drug related and the other a car smash. And you can throw in National Service which was a nightmare. I also have residual schizophrenia, a condition controlled with medicine. Basically some nerve endings in my brain were damaged by the dagga I took(2 puffs can you believe it?) when I nearly died which has caused a chemical imbalance but I'm fine with the tranquilizers which double up to right this imbalance in my case- I'm not psycho(haven't killed anyone or planning on it!!)'Normal ' people also do this!!!.My last medical condition that I have is gout. So if you're passionate about your red meat and alchohol then maybe I'm not for you, not to say that I don't indulge in these luxuries.
Now the good news....
Why you should get to know me:I have a private income and I think If I get a permanent job my income bracket will be comfortable to wealthy. A gentleman. Patient. Only child(=financially stable)All the usual cliches. I can work, have worked for years in the hospitality industry. Mom's an author with 2 published books and 8 in the pipelines-interesting times. Maybe I'll make a comeback to golf(Seniors Tour only)although I have a bad back and presently my heart isn't really in it. Somehow I think the last two sentences are dreams but you never know. Its's been said I'm a bit crazy but that is in a funny way.
Friends/penpals if you're not from W Cape(unless you want to relocate)I'd consider this when I inherit. Sorry to bore you with the medical stories but I believe they should be out in the open so no ramifications later. This is all the honest truth! If nothing develops then the very least is that I hope I have dispelled some myths about psychiatric disability. I'm not eccentric either.
He describes his ideal match thus:
I don't believe in idealism, we don't live in an ideal world. However if I had to answer the question.20 words.
Let me start with what I don't want, the bad news:Clubbers, pubbers ,classical music haters (I like Chopin- not raucus classical), unrefined, TATOOS, attention seeking, career woman, perfectionists, critics, bitches, gold- diggers, socialites, snobs, travellers, obesity(curvaceous is fine),control freaks, shopping addicts, make-up over users, time wasters, one-night stands/casual sex, step kids that are school going- must be either out the house or in nappies/very young, recreational drug users, more friends/friendship with potential to develop, two-timers, high maintenance, low sex drive, party animal, heavy drinkers, fakes, mind games, pretentiousness, chain smoker/long cigarettes, uncompassionate, non-oral sex likers, self-righteousness, bible bashers, insecure income, insincerity, gossipers, foul-mouthedness, small- talkers-(no time for chit-chat), indecisiveness, heartbreakers, narrow- mindedness, complicatedness, insensitive, unemphathetic, immaturity, drama -queens, feminists and sexism.
What will be good: I like spontaneity, rugby(watching in bars wherever-yes it's that season)An adopted kid or two if you're past that age and have no kids.I don't mind not wanting kids-they don't bring me happiness(I mean they're not key to a fulfilled life).Will accept me for me love or money. In my case its love first and the love of love not the love of money. You'll know if it is meant to be after about 3 dates....Thats my style, so if you like to be wined and dined then good.. Maybe you want a houseman or a lover or a husband or better still all in one. Thanks for reading my profile.
'Nuff said!!
And as a final send off, I leave you with yet another pearler of a candidate…
Why should you get to know devilliers?
NO PERSONS UNDER AGE (sensitive!!)
First the bad news...Why not to get to know me: I take medication(anti - depressants, tranquilizers and sleeping pills) However I am not a suicidal case past or potential. I have PTSD(post traumatic stress disorder)Also I don't have wheels presently. The PTSD is because twice I've nearly died once drug related and the other a car smash. And you can throw in National Service which was a nightmare. I also have residual schizophrenia, a condition controlled with medicine. Basically some nerve endings in my brain were damaged by the dagga I took(2 puffs can you believe it?) when I nearly died which has caused a chemical imbalance but I'm fine with the tranquilizers which double up to right this imbalance in my case- I'm not psycho(haven't killed anyone or planning on it!!)'Normal ' people also do this!!!.My last medical condition that I have is gout. So if you're passionate about your red meat and alchohol then maybe I'm not for you, not to say that I don't indulge in these luxuries.
Now the good news....
Why you should get to know me:I have a private income and I think If I get a permanent job my income bracket will be comfortable to wealthy. A gentleman. Patient. Only child(=financially stable)All the usual cliches. I can work, have worked for years in the hospitality industry. Mom's an author with 2 published books and 8 in the pipelines-interesting times. Maybe I'll make a comeback to golf(Seniors Tour only)although I have a bad back and presently my heart isn't really in it. Somehow I think the last two sentences are dreams but you never know. Its's been said I'm a bit crazy but that is in a funny way.
Friends/penpals if you're not from W Cape(unless you want to relocate)I'd consider this when I inherit. Sorry to bore you with the medical stories but I believe they should be out in the open so no ramifications later. This is all the honest truth! If nothing develops then the very least is that I hope I have dispelled some myths about psychiatric disability. I'm not eccentric either.
He describes his ideal match thus:
I don't believe in idealism, we don't live in an ideal world. However if I had to answer the question.20 words.
Let me start with what I don't want, the bad news:Clubbers, pubbers ,classical music haters (I like Chopin- not raucus classical), unrefined, TATOOS, attention seeking, career woman, perfectionists, critics, bitches, gold- diggers, socialites, snobs, travellers, obesity(curvaceous is fine),control freaks, shopping addicts, make-up over users, time wasters, one-night stands/casual sex, step kids that are school going- must be either out the house or in nappies/very young, recreational drug users, more friends/friendship with potential to develop, two-timers, high maintenance, low sex drive, party animal, heavy drinkers, fakes, mind games, pretentiousness, chain smoker/long cigarettes, uncompassionate, non-oral sex likers, self-righteousness, bible bashers, insecure income, insincerity, gossipers, foul-mouthedness, small- talkers-(no time for chit-chat), indecisiveness, heartbreakers, narrow- mindedness, complicatedness, insensitive, unemphathetic, immaturity, drama -queens, feminists and sexism.
What will be good: I like spontaneity, rugby(watching in bars wherever-yes it's that season)An adopted kid or two if you're past that age and have no kids.I don't mind not wanting kids-they don't bring me happiness(I mean they're not key to a fulfilled life).Will accept me for me love or money. In my case its love first and the love of love not the love of money. You'll know if it is meant to be after about 3 dates....Thats my style, so if you like to be wined and dined then good.. Maybe you want a houseman or a lover or a husband or better still all in one. Thanks for reading my profile.
'Nuff said!!
Wednesday, 6 April 2011
Mr. Hand Fetish
My final online date was with a guy I’m going to refer to as HF (Hand Fetish). According to the dating website, we were 100% match. So we set up a date at Fournos in Dunkeld. I liked his photo… it had a great sunset in the background.
To start, he was late – apparently couldn’t find his car keys. He arrived as I was about to leave. We chatted, he seemed like a nice guy… We got onto the topic of running – something I don’t do. I told him that I had injured my (already dodgy) knee in a car accident (not my fault) and he got very angry about it - a little weird but I let it slide, give him credit for ‘passion’. It’s no loss to me that I can’t run, I wasn’t very good at it anyway.
About half an hour into the date, he took my hand. Now I’m not the most publicly affectionate person and I’ve been told that I should go along with it because that’s what people do, they’re openly affectionate… So, I went with it. And it got really weird…
He started to massage my hand, he looked at the palm, squeezed each finger and just kept rubbing. Then much to my utter dismay, he started to kiss my fingers and hands. WTF??? After less than a hour of meeting? NO YOU DIDN’T!!
People were looking at us and I’m sure they saw the pleading look of horror on my face. Those who know me, know that my face shows everything I’m thinking.
And all he had to say about this was “I love hands”… REALLY?!?
Luckily for me I had a lunch date an hour later that ‘suddenly’ moved an hour earlier, so I had to dash. Saying goodbye in the car park was almost as painful… he hugged me like he was going off to war for 4 years. Turns out he was spending the December holidays with his family in George while I would be in Knysna but luckily I was “super busy” with family stuff - aka relaxing with no one molesting my hands!
To start, he was late – apparently couldn’t find his car keys. He arrived as I was about to leave. We chatted, he seemed like a nice guy… We got onto the topic of running – something I don’t do. I told him that I had injured my (already dodgy) knee in a car accident (not my fault) and he got very angry about it - a little weird but I let it slide, give him credit for ‘passion’. It’s no loss to me that I can’t run, I wasn’t very good at it anyway.
About half an hour into the date, he took my hand. Now I’m not the most publicly affectionate person and I’ve been told that I should go along with it because that’s what people do, they’re openly affectionate… So, I went with it. And it got really weird…
He started to massage my hand, he looked at the palm, squeezed each finger and just kept rubbing. Then much to my utter dismay, he started to kiss my fingers and hands. WTF??? After less than a hour of meeting? NO YOU DIDN’T!!
People were looking at us and I’m sure they saw the pleading look of horror on my face. Those who know me, know that my face shows everything I’m thinking.
And all he had to say about this was “I love hands”… REALLY?!?
Luckily for me I had a lunch date an hour later that ‘suddenly’ moved an hour earlier, so I had to dash. Saying goodbye in the car park was almost as painful… he hugged me like he was going off to war for 4 years. Turns out he was spending the December holidays with his family in George while I would be in Knysna but luckily I was “super busy” with family stuff - aka relaxing with no one molesting my hands!
Thursday, 31 March 2011
No Judgement!
My mother always tells me that I'm too quick to judge people. I’ve never really had an issue with this because I trust my instincts and think I judge for a reason. But when I met “Chop” (I wish I could use the real name I have for him, but it may not be appropriate) I decided that I would reserve judgement and just go with it.
The first date went well, we had good conversation and even had a bit of a smooch. He did leave me at the parking ticket payment machine to deal with the problem of it not reading my card, but I let it slide. But NO JUDGEMENT!
Second date… we were having dinner at my fave restaurant, DW 11-13. He was half an hour late – but he didn’t get the message I sent saying I could meet earlier. We both had the rack of lamb… which he proceeded to eat with him hands - yes, like he was at a weekend braai – and eat noisily with his mouth open. But NO JUDGEMENT!
Date three… we went to movies (saw Social Network… such a good movie!). He picked me up (late) and gave me a sad bunch of petrol station roses - they lasted about 12 hours, though it’s the thought that counts. He drove down the middle of Republic Road across both lanes at about 40 kms/ hour. He didn’t want popcorn but said he would have a little bit of mine. Turns out that means nom nom nom…. And he ate most of it. SO all in all, a fun night. But NO JUDGEMENT!
Fourth date. He came over to my house for wine and snacks. He was late. He scoffed the snacks (of course noisily with an open mouth) and went on about how awesome it was to live in the UK and that SA is crap. He was only in SA to see if he could find a wife and see how SA would work for him – it had already been two years. If you don’t like your homeland and can’t make a decision after two years, EFF OFF! While smooching on the couch, he practically crushed me and paid no attention to my discomfort, didn’t notice I was turning blue and didn’t hear my ribs cracking. He then also tried to sleep over! WTF? He did promise that nothing would happen…. Really? So he went home. But NO JUDGEMENT!
Fifth and (thank god) final date. We were having coffee. Guess what… he was late! When he did arrive, I had decided that I wasn’t going to be the one to make all the conversation. We sat in silence for most of the time. He then told me I was paying the bill and left. Again WTF? Oh and JUDGEMENT!!
I got an email the next week going on about how I was rude and had no manners…. Pardon?? I told him that he was a dick and good luck to anyone who out up with his crap. And I thought that was that. My to my shock, a couple weeks later I get a mail… Hey! How you doing? What’s happening etc etc. Seriously?? Apparently after he was so rude to me, he thought we would be friends. Bless… how could one person be SO delusional? I told him (again) that he was a dick and that I never wanted to speak to him again – I don’t have space for negativity.
So that was the end of that… consider yourself JUDGED and I am back to make my trusty snap judgements! They’re awesome!
The first date went well, we had good conversation and even had a bit of a smooch. He did leave me at the parking ticket payment machine to deal with the problem of it not reading my card, but I let it slide. But NO JUDGEMENT!
Second date… we were having dinner at my fave restaurant, DW 11-13. He was half an hour late – but he didn’t get the message I sent saying I could meet earlier. We both had the rack of lamb… which he proceeded to eat with him hands - yes, like he was at a weekend braai – and eat noisily with his mouth open. But NO JUDGEMENT!
Date three… we went to movies (saw Social Network… such a good movie!). He picked me up (late) and gave me a sad bunch of petrol station roses - they lasted about 12 hours, though it’s the thought that counts. He drove down the middle of Republic Road across both lanes at about 40 kms/ hour. He didn’t want popcorn but said he would have a little bit of mine. Turns out that means nom nom nom…. And he ate most of it. SO all in all, a fun night. But NO JUDGEMENT!
Fourth date. He came over to my house for wine and snacks. He was late. He scoffed the snacks (of course noisily with an open mouth) and went on about how awesome it was to live in the UK and that SA is crap. He was only in SA to see if he could find a wife and see how SA would work for him – it had already been two years. If you don’t like your homeland and can’t make a decision after two years, EFF OFF! While smooching on the couch, he practically crushed me and paid no attention to my discomfort, didn’t notice I was turning blue and didn’t hear my ribs cracking. He then also tried to sleep over! WTF? He did promise that nothing would happen…. Really? So he went home. But NO JUDGEMENT!
Fifth and (thank god) final date. We were having coffee. Guess what… he was late! When he did arrive, I had decided that I wasn’t going to be the one to make all the conversation. We sat in silence for most of the time. He then told me I was paying the bill and left. Again WTF? Oh and JUDGEMENT!!
I got an email the next week going on about how I was rude and had no manners…. Pardon?? I told him that he was a dick and good luck to anyone who out up with his crap. And I thought that was that. My to my shock, a couple weeks later I get a mail… Hey! How you doing? What’s happening etc etc. Seriously?? Apparently after he was so rude to me, he thought we would be friends. Bless… how could one person be SO delusional? I told him (again) that he was a dick and that I never wanted to speak to him again – I don’t have space for negativity.
So that was the end of that… consider yourself JUDGED and I am back to make my trusty snap judgements! They’re awesome!
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