The fine art of (rain) spider 'removal'

I am terrified of rain spiders. Not so much any other spiders, but rain spiders scare me half to death. When I see one, first I scream, then I hyperventilate and then I find myself going backwards and forwards trying to figure out the best way to avoid the spider while running for the Doom. It also seems that there are a lot of rain spiders around these days… you’d think the word would’ve spread in the spider community?

I almost have it down to a fine art now and am very skilled at rain spider killing. I have had a number of different scenarios to test this on, though one or two of them I can’t take credit for the killing, just the screaming and running.

Scenario 1 – Christmas Day 2011 - Daddles to the rescue

We were in Knysna where they have rain spiders (I think they’re the females) with enormous abdomens (and I’m sure very scary big teeth!). So I’m about to get dressed for Christmas lunch, wearing only panties, when I open my cupboard door. Low and behold an enormous spider is staring at me! I let out a blood-curdling scream and run. Luckily for everyone in the house I grabbed a vest or something to cover my front. My mother shouts asking whether I’ve seen a snake (her biggest fear), which would’ve been much less terrifying to me! My dad runs into the room to find out who is murdering me only to be disappointed with a giant spider. He sprayed it then squished it (actually it was more like he beat it to death with a broom), leaving a big mark on the carpet. Needless to say, for the rest of the holiday, every time I opened the cupboard or picked anything up, it was with a flinging motion… just in case.

Scenario 2 – A spider about to enter the house

One night, I was about to hang up some washing and opened the front door. There on the wall about a metre from my open kitchen window was a rain spider. I knew he was thinking about coming into my house – I can tell these things. So I screamed, threw the washing inside, dropped a massive (what may be considered blasphemous) F-Bomb and slammed the door shut. Once I had stopped hyperventilating, I grabbed the Doom and slowly opened the door. He was still there. So I sprayed and he crawled towards the roof. I sprayed again. And sprayed a little more. He fell off the wall and then kept trying to climb back up. Eventually he crawled off into the dark where I couldn’t see him. It was then I realised a missing spider is far more scary that a visible one!! I threw a few buckets of water down the walkway, just in case. But that was the end of my hanging up the washing for the night.

Scenario 3 – Spider in the house

This has happened a few times because they have clearly snuck in while I’m at work. Or asleep (horrifying!!!).  Just the other day, I was walking around the house when I noticed something almost camouflaged on the carpet. Yip, a rain spider! He was next to a wall in the passage to the front door. I would have to pass him (by a metre) to get to the kitchen and the Doom and broom. I attempted to move, it didn’t happen. So I did what any sane person would do and climbed over the kitchen counter breakfast bar thing into the kitchen, got my weapons, opened the front door and climbed back out. I could swear my cat was shaking her head at me… so I sprayed him out the door and swept as well (left handed!!) just to make sure. And then sprayed him again outside for good measure. He eventually gave up.

 

These are just some of the scenarios in my current house. There have been many occasions in my last house and when I still lived with my parents. At least when I lived at home there was usually at least one other person there who was less afraid and more capable of removing them.

Should I get married, it will have to be to a man who is not scared of rain spiders. it will be one of my non-negotiables!