Friends are people you can talk to about anything. They are there for you no matter what. They don’t judge you and accept you for all your flaws and for the mistakes you make. Friends tell you he was no good for you, but you went back anyway and they will still be there when he breaks your heart again and won’t say “I told you so” – well not to your face. They are there for the good and the bad, they support you, encourage you, keep your secrets, tell you the truth and give you advice. They tell you if your bum looks fat in that, they tell you that you look great in that new dress and they will shop with you for hours to find that perfect pair of shoes.
At the moment, I have a close group of friends and who I can spend time with either individually or as a group and they all get along with each other – bonus! Everyone is similar enough to get along but different enough to make it fun and interesting. We all have different relationship histories – married, divorced, dating, single. We all have different taste in men – helps limit competitiveness, all have successful careers, some have pets, some have children. But the fact of the matter is that when we get together (whether one on one or in a group), we have fun and enjoy ourselves. We can go bar hopping, have a fondue, go to movies, go away for a weekend or just sit around talking and laughing. It doesn’t really matter where we are, what we’re doing or what’s happening around us.
The one thing I have found lately is that I don’t really have any male friends at the moment – not like I used to! I used to be one of the boys and only had a couple girlfriends. The opposite is true now. Sure, I have a guy friend I’ve known for many years, who I see every couple weeks, but it’s become quite a superficial catch up thing. Earlier last year, I tried to cultivate a male friendship and it almost worked… then he got drunk, sent me naughty messages and decided he wasn’t able to be my friend. I tried again recently and ended up in bed with him… and I am now stuck with undefined uncertainty about what’s going on. It really does get more difficult as you get older and people settle down. Maybe there is no such thing as a platonic friendship when it comes to single men and women?
I have also found that some friends come with a sell by date. These are the friends who are awesome and lots of fun but only for a period of time. The relationship isn’t particularly sustainable and tends to fizzle out when something changes, like a job, life direction, new romantic relationship or new friendship. You get tired of being the person to always make the effort. They just die a quiet death though there is sometimes the obligatory “How have you been?” message once in a while. I have a couple prime examples…
I had a friend from my waitressing days. We got on really well, always had fun and she became my first housemate. We worked completely different hours (I was in corporate, she was still in the restaurant industry) so we saw just enough of each other. She then had a terrible car accident and spent the next 5 months in (a government) hospital. I visited a couple times a week, supported her and did what friends do. During this time, the new relationship with her boyfriend (now husband) grew and she moved in with him a couple months after she finally got released from hospital. It was a happy time for all, though her parents realised they were losing control of her life (they were crazy controlling, even has full access to her bank accounts so they could monitor what she spent her money on!!). I’d message her every couple months and we’d get together for dinner and a catch up. She asked me to be a bridesmaid. She then told me her mother had decided the wedding was family only so I was uninvited. I then saw on Facebook that she was “really looking forward to her hen’s party with all her special friends”. I was not included. Cue stab to the heart and twist that knife! So that was that… If I wasn’t part of her life anymore, then I would reciprocate in kind and deleted her. Looking back, she was fun at a time when we didn’t have too much responsibility and were just starting out, but I moved on. She stayed there and stayed the person who was pushed around by her boss, her parents and her sister.
Another friend is the kind of friend who moves from person to person every year or two. She becomes great friends with someone, you have a great time and then someone new appears. The current friendship eventually fizzles out and the pattern is repeated with the next person. Obviously this happened to our friendship, but I don’t really mind. We were moving in different directions, old friends who I didn’t really like or get on with were resurfacing, so it was actually a blessing in disguise. We all have limited “fun time” and I want to spend it with people I really like and whose company I enjoy. I don’t want to sit there holding my tongue so that I don’t upset anyone by saying what I really think.
Then there are the friends you will have forever. Thelma and I have been friends since we were little. It didn’t start that way… we met at nursery school when we were 4. I was apparently mean to her because she was so funny looking – kids can be so mean!! We went to the same primary school and also had a lift club - we lived 500m apart. Somehow we became very close in high school, even though we were at different schools. We became partners in crime, got up to ALL sorts of things… smoking drinking, boys… the usual teenage stuff. The rest of the story is in my “What If ?” post. We are still great friends and talk often. We’ve had two really big fights (my fault completely) and have gotten past them. Despite our very different lives, we have enough in common (not just a history) to still stay close. We are still great friends and I think we will be for another 30 years!
Friends do come and go. The trick is to find the ones who will be there for you and who you want to be there for. They’re not all the same and all bring something different to the table. This is what keeps it interesting. There comes a point when you realise who really matters, who never did, and who always will.
No comments:
Post a Comment