I have the blog address!!

Wiht regards to my previous post, Shugapaige sent me the address of the scandalous blog!! And of course I have been on to it! WOW!! SCANDALOUS BEYOND MY WILDEST DREAMS!!

I mean look at the people who are on this!! James Small!? (No wonder he used to fight so much... feeling a bit insecure?), Barry Ronge and Nataniel (Duh!?), a guy who is now an Independent Democrat (no wonder Patricia de Lille wants to censor blogs!), Andre Schwartz (Phantom of the Opera... i wonder if he used to wear his mask?), Leon van Nierop (writer and movie critic - yes, another one) and Chris van Niekerk, who plays Francois on 7de Laan.

So needless to say, I began the day wiht big eyes and shocked gasps! It definitely woke me up!

http://samaleprostitute.wordpress.com/

Does anyone have an address for this scandalous blog??

I came across a very interesting and totally scandalous article in the Sunday Times yesterday. The headline is "Male hooker names top ‘clients’". It was about a South African ex male prostitute who has had many famous male clients. He is now naming and shaming them on his blog.

"Rent boy provokes howls from prominent men by describing their alleged kinks on the web

SEVERAL prominent South African men have reacted with shock and outrage after being named as “clients” by a male prostitute in his sexually explicit Internet diary.

The former sex worker promises, in his online blog written in Afrikaans, to name 50 famous South Africans who paid him for sex.

So far he has named 11. They include a politician, former Springbok rugby player, singer, actor, television presenter, journalist and a prominent Afrikaans church dominee."

And of course they don't give the name of the blog!

So now i am dying to know who this is and where I can find it!!

So, if anyone knows, let me know! I need some skandaal!!!

The end of a mini series... thank god!

This is the final story in my little mini series. I leave it until last because it is the most recent and it is also immortalised in Sex and the City - Season 6, so i am not alone!

I met this guy through a friend about a year before anything happened. He was definitely my type and those who know me, know what that is. So anyway, we bumped into each other at a club, had a few shooters and again, one thing led to another. (Must stop drinking shooters with guys)

So we were getting it on and things were going as usual. All of a sudden, he picks up the pace to ridiculous speeds and to quote SATC, went at it like a Jackrabbit! powpowpowpowpow....

As is to be expected, i hit my head a couple times on the wall behind me, and thought i was going to be sick. You know when people ask "Do you smoke after sex?" I had to check because i was sure that with all that quick friction, something was going to catch alight!

Not even telling him to slow down and relax worked. He would for a little bit and then just resume "jackrabbiting"!!

After a while it was thankfully over! But i then realised to my horror that we had driven in my car as he didn't have his with him that night. So, not only did i have terrible, back breaking sex, i was also stuck with the guy for the remainder of the night and had to be civil to him the next day. Not fun!

And now my question is this.... Who are the girls that tell these guys "This feels good and this is how girls like it!!"?? WTF?? That is SO wrong!! All these men thinking they are total sex machines when in actual fact they don;t even have the moves of an epileptic grasshopper!

I prefer not to say anything (only if i have to lie) when a guy asks whether it was good and if i enjoyed myself. That's when you smile and say "It was different to anything I've had" NEVER encourage them!

And another thing, how do girls stay in relationships with these bedroomly challenged men?These boys should be kicked out on their asses and told to read a book!

So a word of advice... If the sex is bad, call him on it and sort that shit out! It's just not fair that us girls have to put up with REALLY bad sex, even if it isn't that often and they do make good stories.

It could be worse!

This is today's 'bad' sex story... I need a break from all the horrible shags.... The stories are giving me a twitchy eyelid :-)

Berlin - A German couple had to call out the fire brigade after tying each other up in chains - and then losing the key to the padlock.

Jochen Ranstett, 56 and his wife Maria, from the town of Weiden, dressed up in leathers and chained each other to their beds, but lost the key during the romp.

After hours of trying to free themselves they finally gave up and called for help on Jochen's mobile phone.

He said: "It was so embarrassing. We just wanted to try something a bit different and we ended up with this."I even had to be taken to hospital because my wrists had swollen so much from trying to get out of the handcuffs." - ananova.com

The bad sex continues….

This second guy is ‘affectionately’ referred to as “the Wanker”.

I met him at a friend's birthday. After many drinks and scintillating conversation, we decided to go back to my place. (Yes, a bit of a slutty move, but after all the shooters, it seemed like a good idea)

So, things progressed as they do. The next morning I woke up (still a bit drunk) with some weird movement going on next to me. After a minute or so it dawned on me that this person having a bit of a wank, in my bed, with me next to him, trying to sleep!! My first reaction was “If you mess on my duvet cover, I’ll kill you!”. He then says to me that if I kiss him it’ll go quicker! Can you imagine!!??

Needless to say, I kicked him out very quickly and sent him home.

Bad sex is… well… bad!

I have decided to do a bit of a mini series about some of my terrible and extremely funny bad sex experiences. The stories are a hit with my girlfriends, so I thought I would share a few of the better (or worse) stories. This is the first….

Let’s start with “5 second Bob*” (*names have been changed)…. We have known each other since we were kids. We never really got along but were mildly civil when we did see each other. Then we hit the teenage years. We tried to make something work, but alas it didn’t. A few years later, when we were in our early 20’s, things got heated again at a bar after a few drinks (as is prone to happen!).

So we decided to go off to a more secluded spot and get it on. So we assumed the position and got things going. After literally 5 seconds, I got an apology in my ear for being done and therefore unable to continue (I would give more detail but my parents don’t need to know them!). What a let down! After all the years of to-ing and fro-ing it ended just like that! So of course I gave him the pleasure of my first reaction (I am not one to use too much tact), “Just take me home!” and that was that. I got out the car, gave him the raised eyebrow and never looked back.

We have remained friends (or something close) since then. A few years ago, we went out for a drink and an opportunity to see where things stood, both of us being a bit older and more mature. But after a terrible kiss, and I actually mean after having my face licked (apparently that was a kiss??) I decided to cut my losses, make up a lame excuse and get myself the hell out of there (and call a friend to laugh about it)! You see, I am a firm believer that the way someone kisses gives you some insight into how it will be when it comes to the crunch. I was NOT going to risk another bad shag!

As they say, no sex is better than bad sex!


Update

First off, the guy I testified against a couple weeks back was found guilty and is spending another month in jail. He was also found guilty of a second offence (not sure what) and got a suspended sentence for that. Woooohoooo!!

I am getting back into the swing of socialising again, after feeling blegh and unsociable for some time. Though I would still like to spend weekends under the blanket watching DVD’s, but that’s mostly because of the cold.

People are insane!

I know this post is a bit late, but things have been HECTIC! Finally, some down time... and almost time for a quick drink in the pub!

Yesterday morning, I had to be at work just after 6am. Being almost winter, this is a time when the sun is not up yet and it is still rather chilly. I drove to work with 2 jackets and a scarf on, with a cup of coffee. I was also wearing my night driving glasses! Can you imagine?!

Waiting to cross William Nicol into Sandton Drive, I saw a very bizarre sight, made more bizarre by the fact that I am NOT a morning person and was still trying to wake up properly. Down Sandton Drive came a swarm of small flashing white lights....

Turns out it was some sort of cycling club taking a bit of a morning bike ride. There were about 30 of them all turning into William Nicol with flashing lights on their heads. Weird man!! They were like a swarm of fireflies on bikes.

What would possess someone to get on a bike at that ridiculous hour and go cycling around Joburg? I could almost understand doing it in summer, but not before sunrise in winter! WTF?? I have promised to ride the 94.7 this year (I'm taking bets about whether i actually will do it and actually finish it) and i can tell you that you would never catch me on a bike that early, in the dark, going for a casual training ride around the city!

Absolute madness i tell you!!

Daily dose of madness -17 May 07

"DON'T POKE DOGS!"

Yes, they mean it THAT way! "This must stop... people should have sex with people and dogs should have sex with dogs, said a magistrate!"

Apparently men are now having sex with dogs, and I mean actual dogs. Seems goats are no longer as attractive as they used to be.

The magistrate says, "I'm not impressed by the increasing number of people who are bonking animals". (Yes, she did use the word "bonking)" It is too much to have two bestiality cases in the same court. "There are many women who need men, but you choose to sleep with a dog!" This apparently carries the sentence of 6 months imprisonment or a R3 000 fine.

WTF?? What ever happened to taking matters into your own hands (so to speak) or finding a real human girlfriend? They really can't be all that hard to find! Or even to find yourself a prostitute? That's what they're there for! I'm sure you could negotiate a good rate!?

Picture of the Tokoloshe!

A picture has finally been taken of the Tokoloshe!!! This is (apparently) very exciting! I must admit that it is very scary looking (more so in colour) and i would totally shit myself if i came across one camped out in my cupboard (though it would probably be hard to see at first). It reminds me a bit of a crusty E.T.

Here it is....

What a weekend....

It's Monday AGAIN! We should do away with them!

This weekend was a lot more relaxed than previous weekends! No puza face, which is always good!

On Friday i found out that my counterpart in Cape Town (who was up in Jozi) had tickets to the semi finals at Loftus! So Saturday morning we drove of to Loftus to pick up the tickets. There were already Bulls supporters set up, with braais and beers at 10am. It was then back to Jozi for the German School Bierfest.

Just before I was leaving for the Bierfest, Honey (my cat) caught a mouse. I tried to rescue it. When i picked it up, it bit me! I eventually lost it, after much fighting wiht my cat to let it go, somewhere in the kitchen... so who knows where it is now because a body has not been presented to me by Honey.

I fear i may be outgrowing it... very sad. It wasn't particularly exciting or full. At 3, i sped off (within the legal speed limit of course :-)) again to Pretoria. Luckily we got parking on a pavement a block from the stadium!

Once inside the stadium and outer stadium, it looked like a Smurf convention! There was blue everywhere! And unlucky for me, without thinking it through, i had a blue shirt and tracksuit top. But not in Bulls/Smurf blue.

After watching the Sharks game, it was into the grounds.... and guess what!? it was even more blue. I also felt like i was in a foreign country because of all the fast-spoken Afrikaans flying around.

So we stood around near our seats, so we could limit the amount of time wedged into a capacity crowd. And did we see some strange things! Apparently they only have bad hairdressers in Pretoria. Popular hairstyles for women include the "Mushroom head" and the bad krissy perm. For men, it's bleached well coiffed hair, with dark moustaches, and of course the ever popular mullet, in varying styles. Scary!

We had good seats! We were on the try line, 2 rows from the front. The Bulls warmed up right in front of us and Daniel Carter was also very close (mmmm... Daniel Carter...)

And then.... Steve Hofmeyer came onto the field!!! What a porn star! good lord! His hair is more styled and blow dried than mine (and i was at the hairdresser on Friday)! He sang that F*CKING song "Liefling". I had never heard the song before... and i NEVER want to hear it again! They play it every time the Bulls score and lucky for me they scored... that's 9 penalties!!! AAaRRRGHHHH!!! And they also play his "Ek is a Bull" song whenever there is a chance to breathe....











But Steve and the 'songs' aside, it was great! the atmosphere is unbelievable, seems they always support the Bulls, unlike other team supporters.

Now we have to decide... Sharks or Bulls? Bobby and Percy or Victor and Bakkies???

Harley Day!

On Sunday, Rotary Sandton hosted a KIDS day, wiht Harley Davidson at Montecasino. The purpose was to raise 'funds' for childrens homes. The bikers and any other bystanders were askd to buy blankets that would be sent to these homes.

So i arrived at Montecasino (after a jumpstart from Phillygirl, yes, 2 girls jumpstarted a car!) and waited... At about 10:30, they started arriving. It was spectacular sight and sound to behold! Over 500 Harleys pulling into the area, one after the other, all shiny and loud.

I must say the bikers are nothing to look at but the bikes are another story!! See the pics...

All in all, it was a very successful day, Rotary sold a couple thousand blankets and all the bikers got to show off their bikes and have breakfast at Monte.

Update on an update

Mr ATNA can go STICK IT!! Seriously, once is just not right! That's is commonly called teasing... and they say girls are teasers! I think not! I say NO!

So I will now endeavour to not be taken in by these types again! I'll let you know how this works out....

It’s the law…

I spent yesterday at the Randburg Magistrates court. I wasn’t the one in trouble (though most people assume I was), I was there to testify against a guy who stole my handbag 2 months ago at Sandton Square.

So arrive ready for a day in court, with my book (no sense in being bored!). Everyone sits outside on the very uncomfortable wooden benches, looking at everyone else, with suspicion, trying to figure out why they are there.

At 9:00 we all go into the courtroom and the first case is 2 guys, of about 18, up for Assault (probably a bar fight, over a girl), the case is dropped. The second case is dropped. The next few cases, the accused all plead guilty. There was a guy there for fraud (the changed the price tag on a shirt); 2 ladies for shoplifting (1 for R6 500 worth of luxury goods, another for R60 worth of food); a man in for possession of dagga (114 matchboxes, and guess what… he’s self employed – this had the attorneys and magistrate giggling) and a guy who trespassed. And then there was the case I was there for….

The accused refused to plead guilty, even though he didn’t have much of a case going for himself. There were huge discrepancies between his statement and ours that they were laughable. So we got comfortable (well as much as you can when your ass is going uncomfortably numb) and prepared for battle.

I was called in to the witness stand that had a hole in the middle of the floor. I was sworn in “So help me God”. I assume this is not to be taken literally… what if you’re Muslim or a non-believer? Does that mean you’re free to say whatever you want, with no religious consequence or hell fire? Anyway, I gave my testimony and I think I did well. The Legal Aid lawyer was quite good, but so am I! J the only hiccup was I tried to leave the stand twice, when I wasn’t supposed to… oops!

The Security guard who arrested the accused gave his testimony. He was also quite good, and I think together we did very well! Then the accused took the stand. He lied and changed his story so many times that the court translator told him to stop lying and get it together. I sitting in ‘Sun City’ for 2 months gives you time to come up with some interesting stories. This guy then decided he could prove he was actually looking for a job and not stealing my bag, by going to find his friends who could be witnesses for him. As if! And that’s when I left…. It really wasn’t going anywhere and the judge was leaning our way.

And that took up 7 hours of my day, though I did get paid R20!!! for my effort!

Jews for Jesus?

First off, WTF?? Am I the only one who finds this to be a very conflicting phrase? Surely you're either you’re Jewish or Christian? How can you be Jewish but believe in the New Testament and the (so-called) saviour/messiah? THIS DOES NOT MAKE SENSE!!!

Let me just say that I am not judging either of the religions and that I believe in neither. I am just trying to get my head around what I see as the one of the hugest contradictions I have come across in a while.

Ok, so they are Jewish people who believe in and worship Jesus. Does this not make them Christians? Would calling yourself a “Jew for Jesus” then be a clever branding tool? Is it your way of not being Jewish but letting people know it’s ok to change your religion (should you be Jewish)? Can people who covert to Judaism then be called “Christians no longer for Jesus”?

From what I understand as well, they get to ‘celebrate’ the Jewish holidays as well! So you kind of get the best of both? Christmas and Hanukkah, Passover and Easter… what a pleasure!

I also had a look at the website (they advertise on bus stops in Sandton) and it really doesn’t answer my questions. But something I found most entertaining (or strange)… naturally they sell stuff, such as books, T-shirts etc. One book caught my eye….

Betrayed! by Stan Telchin
What's the worst thing that can happen to a successful Jewish businessman? Perhaps it's a phone call from his college-age daughter, telling him she now believes in Jesus. A loving father embarks on a quest to reclaim his "lost" daughter, and in the process, finds his Messiah.
"Few testimony books have presented the case for Jesus to the Jewish people as powerfully. This is a must-read." - Moishe Rosen, founder, Jews for Jesus.”

When I read this, it seems that ‘finding the messiah’ is the equivalent to telling your parents that you are actually a man trapped in a woman’s body and will be having gender reassignment surgery, in time to be ready for the big family Christmas lunch. I don’t think they though about all the possibilities….

And can I just add that there are no good looking people on the website. I have also had the pleasure of driving home from gym behind a person who advertises Jews for Jesus (I assume he is a missionary) and it was excruciating! Took me an extra 10 minutes to get home!

I am still confused.

Welcome to Ex Island...

I went to Bikram Yoga last night, for the first time. It was a good way to pass the time whilst getting some good stretching in. I am quite stiff all over today. It’s been a while since that’s happened but it still feels good!

The thing with Bikram yoga is you do yoga in a heated room for 90 minutes. The positions are different to the usual Hatha yoga (no downward facing dog and all that) but they still work. The heat is bearable and you can almost imagine you’re on a beach in Thailand (without the sand and cocktails).

I was sitting outside waiting for the class to start, with Phillygirl, and guess what!? I saw an ex! Now this in itself is not a new thing. They are EVERYWHERE!!

I would generally expect to bump into exes at the gym, beer fest or at a bar, not so much a yoga studio. And certainly not this ex! We had a rather intense relationship, on and off for about 4 years, starting in Std 9. We alternated between being in a relationship and being friends. Eventually we lost contact. He played rugby, drank, smoked and generally got into trouble all the time. Now he does yoga everyday, gave up ALL the bad habits and is probably a vegetarian as well. WTF??

But this all brings me to the question…. Why the hell are my exes everywhere? The simple answer would be “Because there are so many!”. But seriously! WHY!!?? Whenever I go anywhere, I have to scope out the crowd to see if I need to avoid anyone. It gets quite tiring. And my neck is getting sore….

I think they should all be shipped off to an island. Though to be honest, a good portion are already on one (yay the British Isles!). A vast majority of them should be married with kids and staying home or doing couple stuff like hanging out with other couples, at braais and the like. They should NOT be out socialising in my areas and social circles.

So if you’re an ex of mine, off to the island you go!!

Why would you live in the Free State??

I am back in the office after 5 days off work.... It's not as bad as I thought it would be.

The long weekend started with Thursday night out with a couple boys from work and bouncing from bar to bar, meeting incredibly strange people on the way. On Friday morning I woke up with a cold in full swing, hoping I could quietly die! Saturday, I was feeling better when I woke up before sunrise to go to the airport for my flight on a little 32 seater to Margate. It was quite fun and the scenery from a lower altitude is very pretty.

We landed at Margate to be greeted by people lining the runway, taking photo's of the landing plane. Now I thought Margate was a bit on the boring side, but coming out to watch the flight from JHB arrive?? Turns out there was an air show on.

It was a good holiday. I spent time with my brother and 6 of his friends. We perved a lot over the boys at San Lameer. At least I have an age limit and won’t look at anyone younger than 20! I also met up with a friend and his wife who I haven’t seen in a couple years and caught up over a couple vodkas.

We spent an afternoon drinking vodkas, looking at the beach of Southbroom from a deck. Then we drove to the Crocodile Farm for crocodile burgers and waffles. So all in all... a good break.

But the real fun part was the trip home.

During the trip we kept ourselves entertained by looking at the other motorists… WEIRD people! I took pictures of them. For some reason people don’t like getting their photo taken while driving…? I also think a large number of these people are from the Free State, which would explain quite a lot.

On the drive back to JHB, we were talking tp people who had left earlier and were updating us on the state of the roads and toll plaza's, in particular the Wilge Toll Plaza, where they were striking and the queue was 4kms long.

This led to a detour through the Free State... we turned off the N3 somewhere before Villiers and drove towards Frankfort and Oranjeville and eventually Alberton. It was brown and flat… The road was one lane and straight. (See picture below) I was also the designated navigator… mistake number 1!! I am rather lacking where a sense of direction is concerned. It also didn’t help that the roads we needed to take weren’t numbered on the map, so we took some slight detours through the maizelands. Lets call it the scenic route. We even drove past Sasolburg, through a hijack zone! And we listened to Radio 2000 and OFM (used to be Radio Oranje). Desperate times…. We weren't even on the GPS.

We drove around and over the Vaal Dam, following GP registrations (this is a common navigation tool used by Joburgers!)

Eventually I found a map of the Gauteng Heartland, that had the roads and numbers we needed and eventually got us onto the N12 and home.