Bad sex is… well… bad!

I have decided to do a bit of a mini series about some of my terrible and extremely funny bad sex experiences. The stories are a hit with my girlfriends, so I thought I would share a few of the better (or worse) stories. This is the first….

Let’s start with “5 second Bob*” (*names have been changed)…. We have known each other since we were kids. We never really got along but were mildly civil when we did see each other. Then we hit the teenage years. We tried to make something work, but alas it didn’t. A few years later, when we were in our early 20’s, things got heated again at a bar after a few drinks (as is prone to happen!).

So we decided to go off to a more secluded spot and get it on. So we assumed the position and got things going. After literally 5 seconds, I got an apology in my ear for being done and therefore unable to continue (I would give more detail but my parents don’t need to know them!). What a let down! After all the years of to-ing and fro-ing it ended just like that! So of course I gave him the pleasure of my first reaction (I am not one to use too much tact), “Just take me home!” and that was that. I got out the car, gave him the raised eyebrow and never looked back.

We have remained friends (or something close) since then. A few years ago, we went out for a drink and an opportunity to see where things stood, both of us being a bit older and more mature. But after a terrible kiss, and I actually mean after having my face licked (apparently that was a kiss??) I decided to cut my losses, make up a lame excuse and get myself the hell out of there (and call a friend to laugh about it)! You see, I am a firm believer that the way someone kisses gives you some insight into how it will be when it comes to the crunch. I was NOT going to risk another bad shag!

As they say, no sex is better than bad sex!


Update

First off, the guy I testified against a couple weeks back was found guilty and is spending another month in jail. He was also found guilty of a second offence (not sure what) and got a suspended sentence for that. Woooohoooo!!

I am getting back into the swing of socialising again, after feeling blegh and unsociable for some time. Though I would still like to spend weekends under the blanket watching DVD’s, but that’s mostly because of the cold.