Surf's up baby!!

I finally learnt to surf! This has been a long time coming and a dream of mine for ages! It all goes back to the days of the Gunston 500, Kelly Slater, Seth Hulley and Sunny Garcia. I used to watch surfing whenever it was on TV and had posters up in my room.

In 1996, while visiting my bestie Thelma in Sodwana, I tried my hand at surfing. Because if Thelma could do it, I could do it! I couldn’t. I ran in with the board and somehow got a teeny cut on my pinky finger from the leash. That was that, I threw in the towel and decided to rather sit on the beach and watch with a drink in hand. 

Fast forward to 2012… On Christmas day, my parents gave me the most amazing present of a trip to Hawaii!! My aunt lives there and they were there a few years back and mumsy decided that it is the most perfect place in the world for me. As I am the most financially challenged member of the family, they decided to send me this year. So once the tears (of shock, love and excitement) had cleared I started thinking…. H-A-W-A-I-I… WOOOHOOOO!!! And what is one thing Hawaii is famous for? SURFING!! *Insert butt wiggle dance of joy*

At first I thought I should just take a lesson or two when I arrived. Daddles suggested I ask my uncle to teach me. And then it hit me… I was about to go to Cape Town and stay with Thelma, in Muizenberg, right near the beach. So, I asked Thel to teach me since she is patient (partly due to the fact that she's a mom), would know the tricks and the simple way to explain it. I was SO right. Turns out all the practicing the learner surfers were doing on the beach is a waste of time. According to Thelma, the only rule is this… "when you get into the water, just keep paddling until you get to back line." And for extra emphasis, she screamed "JUST KEEP PADDLING!!"

So we walked down to the beach in our wetsuits (because the water is a bit chilly) and boards under our arms, feeling like we was in a 70's surf movie. To be honest, I don't think Thel was feeling that but I was, as a surfing virgin with a sometimes overactive imagination. The walk wasn’t as awesome as it sounds, I had a long board and it was a bit windy so I was trying not to get blown over.

Anyway, we got to the beach, (wet)suited up and I was good to go. After wading into the water to about waist level, I vaulted onto the board and got ready to paddle. Now, I train at gym almost every day but it means nothing since I don’t paddle at the gym. It was exhausting and I was stiff for days afterwards! Anyway, I eventually got myself out to back line and sat myself astride the board. It was everything I imagined it would be! That’s what I actually wanted to do, rather than learn any fancy moves. It was peaceful and quiet and awesome! Well worth the paddle!

But what goes out must come back in and I was there to surf! So, I tried… I first caught a wave like a body boarder (I used to body board so it came naturally), then paddled out again (but not all the way out) and kept catching waves and just generally having a fun time on the board (that I must mention really IS your best friend out there!). I laughed at myself when I face planted off the board when I stood too far forward. I accepted the knowing looks from seasoned surfers (the one's that said, "Oh bless! She's a surfing virgin!"). I also watched some of the learner surfers and stole some ideas from them. And it almost happened that day… I almost stood all the way up! I got onto my haunches and wobbled up into a half stand. Then I fell off. But it was great! And Thelma cheered me on, so it felt event better than I'm sure it looked.

The next day I could hardly move my arms, my abs were stiff and I had bruises on my front hip bones (I keep forgetting they stick out now!) from lying on the board. I quite enjoy saying I'm stiff and bruised from surfing rather than gym or cleaning the house. It sounds SO much cooler!

On my last day, actually the day I left Cape Town to fly home to Joburg, we got another quick surf in, just to cement the muscle memory. So we went with Thel's husband and hit the waves. It was a bit choppier than the first time and I must admit I was a little nervous. But we got out and I sat on that board taking it all in… the swells were very soothing that day! After a wave, Thel screamed at me to catch a wave and eventually I did (she is almost as scary as a Great White sometimes!). She had warned me that it's hard to get back out if you go too shallow and I found this out the hard way. So I decided to stay where I could stand and just perfect the craft there.

I splashed around in the waves, regularly flung myself onto the board (causing new bruises) and just had so much fun! But then, IT HAPPENED!!! I stood all the way up! It was amazing! I really don’t remember when I was that excited to stand! But stand I did! And I woohoo'ed and I wooohoo'ed loud and proud!! And I'm sure there was a crowd cheering behind me, but I can’t be sure… I was also privileged to see Thelma catch and ride an awesome wave… made me so proud to be her friend!

And so, I can surf. I won't be winning any competitions, unless there's a participation/sympathy prize, but I have done it and I can keep on doing it. When I'm at the coast, obviously. I can now hit the Hawaiian waves and tell them that "Yes, I have surfed before."

So in about 4 months, bring it!! And bring it hard!! But not too big, I'm still scared of big waves and head injuries…

A recap of 2012

So here we are again, at the end of another year. It’s been good and bad, but the more I think about it the more positives I can find.

Looking back at my first post of the year (5 January 2012), I can see how far I’ve come with most resolutions.

I decided I wouldn’t’ be such a control freak in my personal life. I think it worked… I’m more relaxed about things and try not to rely on people too much. If I want to do something, I do it, even if it’s by myself.

I wanted to have a ‘healthy, happy, real relationship’ with a decent man. Unfortunately, this didn’t happen. BUT, I did figure out a bad pattern and have been working on changing that. I actually didn’t really stick to anything I said… So I make an effort not to go for men who are unavailable in any form. I am also not here to fix people and deal with their issues for them.  

The standard ones I got right, I lost weight, went down 2 dress sizes, am much stronger now and I have blogged semi regularly.  

But recapping the year… on the positive side, this is what happened

I did a counselling course through FAMSA. It was awesome! I learnt so much and it also helped me figure that it’s something I want to do more of and that I may need to think about a new path. I haven’t formally used it yet, but I’d like to develop it. I have used the skills informally and seem quite good at it.

On the work front, I got to do some big and different events. The downside to that was burnout twice in a year (not fun!!). Luckily there some quiet months after that where I could regroup and get back to normal.

I had an amazing holiday with my parents in October. We went to the Kruger Park where we saw some amazing things! I haven’t been there since I was a kid, so it was great! It was nice to have some real quality time with them with no distractions. We also spent time in Doornkop, which is always relaxing.

In September, I went to Cape Town for my bestest friends younger brother’s wedding. It was the best one I’ve been to! We had so much fun, it was so relaxed and all in all a great weekend away. I got to know her daughters a bit more (and am now quite besotted J). I’m going back for more next week.

I have just been to Durban with my mom for my aunt’s 60^th birthday and the SA leg of my cousin’s wedding celebrations. I met his son and again am quite besotted. Everyone just seems to have the cutest, most amazing children! I got to catch up with family I hardly ever see, which is always fun. I also got to be a tourist for a while, something I also love doing!

I also did some really fun things this year. We went to Madame Zingara, saw Lady Gaga live (AWESOME!!!!), saw the Springboks play New Zealand (so much eye candy!), went horse riding at Doornkop (and was bruised in the wrong places for 2 weeks), went to a lot of food and wine festivals, discovered I can drink red wine again (WOOOHOOO!!), went to a couple H2O’s and danced my ass off, had fun times with friends and spent some good quality time with Caroline while I can. I also bought Red Hot Chili Pepper tickets!! I am so excited about that! I can die happy on the 4^th February (I’ll need a day to revel in the glow).

I really got into the gym and health thing. I eventually gave up my trainer at the end of September (not easy, but necessary). I think I now train harder than before and am stiff most days (I take that as a good sign!). I have tried to eat healthily but sometimes you just need a big glass of wine and a chocolate! I’ve also had a great year at dancing – great choreography, awesome friends and a guaranteed laugh at every class. I also started ‘cycling’ with my dad - nothing hectic, but I can still ride a bike and have done some nice rides with him. Hopefully we’ll do a couple in Knysna next week.

And I’ve met some amazing people! I don’t know when last I was able to connect with people on so many levels and in different ways. I have met some great guys who have helped me on my ‘journey’ towards becoming better and deserving better. (Not all of them have been great, but have still helped in some way anyway.) Besides the fact that they don’t live in the same province, it’s a start and a step in the right direction.

There were of course the not so great things. We had a tragedy at work where one of my favourite people was killed in a terrible accident. I did my spring clean and ‘lost’ some friends. I had glandular fever, with my first burnout. There was a scare with my dad and his heart, but it all turned out fine.

I learnt some very important things though. If something needs to be said so that I can move on and there’s a benefit, then I say it. It may hurt like hell, especially when deciding to cut someone out, but in the long run it’s a good thing. I’ve learnt not to expect too much from people. They have different priorities and that’s ok. Surround yourself with people who make you smile and laugh and who you know you can call on when you really need them. Family is the most important thing – they love you unconditionally and will always have your back.

So what does 2013 hold? I’m hoping for more fun and excitement. I’m looking at doing some different volunteer work, maybe counselling, community services, who knows? I also want to further my education in some way, I just need to decide how and where. I suppose I’m really looking for a new challenge overall. We’ll just have to see how that all works out…

I hope you all have a great festive season filled with family, friends and fun!

 

The fine art of (rain) spider 'removal'

I am terrified of rain spiders. Not so much any other spiders, but rain spiders scare me half to death. When I see one, first I scream, then I hyperventilate and then I find myself going backwards and forwards trying to figure out the best way to avoid the spider while running for the Doom. It also seems that there are a lot of rain spiders around these days… you’d think the word would’ve spread in the spider community?

I almost have it down to a fine art now and am very skilled at rain spider killing. I have had a number of different scenarios to test this on, though one or two of them I can’t take credit for the killing, just the screaming and running.

Scenario 1 – Christmas Day 2011 - Daddles to the rescue

We were in Knysna where they have rain spiders (I think they’re the females) with enormous abdomens (and I’m sure very scary big teeth!). So I’m about to get dressed for Christmas lunch, wearing only panties, when I open my cupboard door. Low and behold an enormous spider is staring at me! I let out a blood-curdling scream and run. Luckily for everyone in the house I grabbed a vest or something to cover my front. My mother shouts asking whether I’ve seen a snake (her biggest fear), which would’ve been much less terrifying to me! My dad runs into the room to find out who is murdering me only to be disappointed with a giant spider. He sprayed it then squished it (actually it was more like he beat it to death with a broom), leaving a big mark on the carpet. Needless to say, for the rest of the holiday, every time I opened the cupboard or picked anything up, it was with a flinging motion… just in case.

Scenario 2 – A spider about to enter the house

One night, I was about to hang up some washing and opened the front door. There on the wall about a metre from my open kitchen window was a rain spider. I knew he was thinking about coming into my house – I can tell these things. So I screamed, threw the washing inside, dropped a massive (what may be considered blasphemous) F-Bomb and slammed the door shut. Once I had stopped hyperventilating, I grabbed the Doom and slowly opened the door. He was still there. So I sprayed and he crawled towards the roof. I sprayed again. And sprayed a little more. He fell off the wall and then kept trying to climb back up. Eventually he crawled off into the dark where I couldn’t see him. It was then I realised a missing spider is far more scary that a visible one!! I threw a few buckets of water down the walkway, just in case. But that was the end of my hanging up the washing for the night.

Scenario 3 – Spider in the house

This has happened a few times because they have clearly snuck in while I’m at work. Or asleep (horrifying!!!).  Just the other day, I was walking around the house when I noticed something almost camouflaged on the carpet. Yip, a rain spider! He was next to a wall in the passage to the front door. I would have to pass him (by a metre) to get to the kitchen and the Doom and broom. I attempted to move, it didn’t happen. So I did what any sane person would do and climbed over the kitchen counter breakfast bar thing into the kitchen, got my weapons, opened the front door and climbed back out. I could swear my cat was shaking her head at me… so I sprayed him out the door and swept as well (left handed!!) just to make sure. And then sprayed him again outside for good measure. He eventually gave up.

 

These are just some of the scenarios in my current house. There have been many occasions in my last house and when I still lived with my parents. At least when I lived at home there was usually at least one other person there who was less afraid and more capable of removing them.

Should I get married, it will have to be to a man who is not scared of rain spiders. it will be one of my non-negotiables!

Fairy tales... the backbone of every little girl's dreams

There’s a reason fairy tales have been bestsellers for years. Like the Bible, it gives hope to those who read them. Little girls are led to believe that no matter what happens, she will meet her prince and after one kiss they’ll live happily ever after. Don’t get me wrong, I was a huge fan of these stories when I was little, more for the gorgeous dresses they wore than the story, but they do make an impression on you and set a standard for what you should expect.
 
There are a few series going around at the moment based on fairy tales as well and although they try and add some sinister scary twist to the traditional story, it eventually ends happily ever after, to an extent.

As an example, let’s look at the following tales and see how might would work out in the real world.

Cinderella

Cinderella was a slave to her step mother and sisters. She worked hard all day and then had to cook for them and got nothing in return. She also spent long hours talking to the pet cat.

One night, they all went off to a ball the prince was hosting, leaving Cinderella at home., where she sneakily watched ENews and Fashion Police. Magically, her fairy godmother appeared, cleaned her up and sent her off to the ball. She was given a curfew of midnight before her real life got in the way again.

She met the prince, they danced, they fell in love. At the stroke of midnight she dashed off and left a shoe behind. He then sent his people out to all the houses to look for her and find the lady who fitted the shoe. They found Cinderella, she moved into the castle and lived happily ever after.

The real story would go like this… she worked really hard all day and then came home to her cat. She ate whatever she could find at home, had a glass of wine and repeated the same thing week in and week out.

One night she decided to go to party, even though she wasn’t strictly invited. She got all dressed up with input from her gay best friend. Off she drove to the party. She made a decision to leave before midnight so that she could avoid road blocks.

She met a ‘prince’, they had some drinks, danced a bit and he spun her a story that included everything she wanted to hear… he was looking to settle down, there was something special about her (“can’t you feel the connection???”), he’d like to see her again, to woo her and to get serious and commit to each other. She thought, "WOW! I can’t believe my luck! I never thought I would meet the man of my dreams!"

At midnight, she quickly checked Twitter and according to PigSpotter, a big road block was being set up. She dashed out of the party [and there are 2 different endings…] (Ending 1)with the prince in tow. They went back to her place and had a night of passion and talking and cuddling. He had to go in the morning, but promised to contact her later to arrange a real date and start their lives together. She never heard from him again.

At midnight, she quickly checked Twitter and according to PigSpotter, a big road block was being set up. She dashed out of the party, (Ending 2) having given the ‘prince’ her contact details, including her cell number, BBM, email address, Facebook name and Twitter handle. She never heard from him again.

Undercover gym bunny is watching you

I’ve been a member of a gym since about 1994, when they first came to SA in a big way. Over the past year and a bit, I have become a very regular attendee at gym (usually 4 times a week). I go to the Virgin Active at Brightwater, within walking distance from my house (but only when the sun is up).

I used to go for about 45 minutes, do something that could pass for exercise and then go home. While I was there, I watched people (as I do most places), and entertained myself with their antics.  

During the middle of last year, I decided that it was time to get my shit together, lose weight and get serious about being healthy. So I got myself a personal trainer. After much research (of course!), I picked one but at the last minute changed my mind (as usual). Best decision ever! So we started training – the first week was hell! I couldn’t sit down properly for a week because my thighs were so sore and also couldn’t straighten my arms.

It turns out that working with a trainer on the weights floor (and losing a fair amount of size) gives you some ‘street cred’ with the gym crowd. Since then I have made some friends and I can now observe the people around me as one of them, completely under the radar. I have found that there are some standard guys/people that you will find at most gyms…

The guy who grunts
Recently a migrant (see below) came to train at our little gym. Apparently he does every few weeks. It was ridiculous!! He grunted like he was giving birth to horse! For everything! Even when he was using weights that were lighter than mine and doing tricep dips. And I don’t mean a little moan or heavy breathing… I mean sounds that you would expect to hear in the Kruger Park during mating season – and I’ve just been there so I know first hand!

The girl with the super toned muscles
This girl wears tight pants and usually a ‘top’ that shows her midriff. She has super toned arms, slightly over muscled legs and killer abs. The guys stop and openly stare at her. They call each other and whisper to each other. The reason for this behaviour is good old envy. They wish they had the abs and the definition and obvious discipline that goes with this. They do however, also wish she had boobs and was a little more feminine (muscled square jaws and bulging quads are apparently not that attractive). This is when I walk up to them, tease them a bit and then say, “well at least I have boobs…” As much as I admire aspects of girls like that, she obviously doesn’t enjoy wine and chocolate, probably ever. She must be really unhappy!

The girlfriend
She is the proverbial beard to her training boyfriend. Don’t get me wrong, there are some who train properly as a couple. They do the same exercises and are quite serious about their workout. But then there are those who are there because I don’t think they’d see their boyfriends otherwise. The guys train 2 or 3 hours a day after work, 5 days a week. The girlfriends are easy to spot. They visit their men regularly, in between doing a yoga class, stretching and messing around on a ball, going through the motions of using the yes/no machines. Otherwise, they wander around or drink smoothies at Kauai. 

The migrants
These are the guys who aren’t regulars at the branch. They come in once in a while for a change of scenery. They also usually rub the regulars up the wrong way. They act like they own the place. They strut around in their vests trying to show off. They grunt. They hog the machines. They annoy everyone. Luckily, they only come in about once a month and are then gone again. Order is restored. The guys don’t have to resort to marking out their territory around the machines and barbells. That would be awkward…

The dancing teenage boys
Anyone who has been at Brightwater for a while usually at about 5 in the afternoon will know who I’m talking about. These boys come to gym in their luminous gym kit, with canvas sneakers and enormous headphones. They are always found in packs of no less than 3. They have straightened hair that they spend more time on daily than I do in a week. They don’t do much exercise. And when the right tune is playing through said enormous headphones, they will spontaneously break out into dance. But it’s not a regular, ass-shaking dance, it’s a Charleston, flapper/break dance/epileptic fit type dance. And when one busts a move, the rest follow with their own renditions – almost like a friendly dance-off. Luckily these don’t last longer than about 30 seconds each otherwise they would have anyone in the vicinity crying with hysterical laughter.

Over the past year, gym has become an important part of my life. I came to the conclusion the other day that if I didn’t go to gym after work most days, it would just be a matter of time before I punched someone in the face. It’s a great release… I get to stay healthy while watching these entertaining people and the endorphins aren’t terrible! Someone called me a gym bunny the other day, which I wasn’t really ok with at the time, but the more I’ve thought about, the more I think I’ll just own it. So yes, I am a gym bunny and proud!

Movember

And so Movember has officially begun. It is the month of moustaches (a lot of them just sad attempts) and not so attractive facial hair that goes with some of these ‘designer’ ‘taches. The whole moustache thing has been taken to a whole new level, including tips for Moustachery, the Moscars and of course an App.

The point of Movember is to raise funds and awareness for men’s health, specifically prostate cancer and other cancers that affect men. The men who register to take part even have a catchy name (like everything does these days) – the Mo Bros. Mo Bros become walking, talking billboards for the 30 days of (M)November and raise awareness around the often ignored issue of men’s health.

It’s often said that everyone is affected by cancer at some point, either themselves or their friends or family. In about 2004, my father was diagnosed with prostate cancer. Luckily he caught it early because he regularly had blood tests because his mother died of cancer and father also had it (but caught it early as well). So, from that point of view, I’m all for it! If I could (and thankfully I can’t!!) I would grow one too, especially now that the “Big C” has made another unwelcome appearance in my life and upset my tranquil existence. But that’s a story for another day…

So, Movember… My problem with the whole moustache/Movember thing is that, well, there are moustaches everywhere! There are Magnum PI’s, Mr T’s, the handlebars, the Walrus, the Village People (take your pick of 6!) and so on and so on. I am not a huge fan of facial hair and I know a lot of other women who aren’t either. But the implications for single girls in Movember are so much more far-reaching! What it means is that if you meet someone during the month of Movember, you aren’t really sure whether it’s a Movember ‘tache or a permanent facial fixture! Imagine the horror when 1 December comes around and the lamb chops don’t get the chop!? It’s quite horrible to imagine!

We need to be very careful. Because let’s face it, first, shallow impressions are important. If you see a hottie, sporting a “Hulk Hogan”, you’re going to think twice about striking up a conversation just in case, he actually wants to look like Hulk Hogan all the time! It’s a whole month of indecision and taking massive risks where the dating game is concerned.  It’s also a bit more difficult to take a guy seriously if he has a patchy, pre-pubescent looking clump of face fluff.

Luckily this only lasts for a month and like I’ve said for an excellent cause, so I guess I’ll have to suck it up! But boys, be warned… remember than January is now “Fanuary”! We will get you back!

Dating Mr Vain

When I was in Standard 9 (Grade 11), I was a drummie. I was also dating a guy, whose best friend was Mr Vain. Even though this guy and I broke up, Mr Vain stuck around on the periphery, stopping in to say hi to us girls once in a while. We also share the same birthday, though he’s older, so I would get an annual phone call as well.

 

Anyway, while he was hanging around the drummies, he used to wear cycling shorts – not the long ones, the mid-thigh length ones, and in white. Yes… white. Very Axl Rose! We were also convinced that he stuffed said cycle shorts, my mother included. I have photos of us girls ripping him off by stuffing T-shirts in our pants while doing spring holiday training.

At about the same time, the song Mr Vain by Culture Beat came out and what do you know, we had the perfect poster boy for it! If anyone loved himself and spent hours on his appearance, it was him!

He once entered Mr South Africa. He asked everyone he knew to vote for him. He won the best body section but sadly came last (12 out of 12) in the personality section.

Time moved on and the one day I bumped into him at the gym. He was looking hot. He’d been training hard, tanning, highlighting his hair and had had his teeth fixed. I must admit it was the body that sold me. So we started chatting again. While catching up, I discovered that he was a stripper/male pageant entrant, though he called himself a ‘dancer/model’. His stage name was Tristan Pitt. Yes, Tristan as in Brad Pitt’s character in Legends of the Fall and well, Pitt is pretty obvious. It turns out that depending on who was hot at the time he would try and copy their look… Enrique Iglesias, Ricky Martin, Brad Pitt and so on.  

We then ended up dating for a while. I have to say I was SO curious about whether his pants were actually stuffed or if we were just being bitches. We did the normal dating stuff, around the occasional stripper tour, sorry, ‘dancing tour’. They really toured a lot to fancy places like East London, PE and Bloemfontein… ahhhh, how he loved the life of an ‘entertainer’.

Anyway, one night he invited me over to his place for dinner and a sleep over. My mother was almost as excited as me to find out what was really in his pants! We’re close like that. So off I went, all ready to go. He cooked and burnt Woolworths lasagne. We watched a movie, had a couple drinks and then, it was time!! Just before it came to crunch time and the inevitable pants removal, he sat up and said, “Sorry I can’t do this, I have heartburn.” WTF?? Really? Apparently not even a Rennies could cure it. So that was that, I turned over and went to sleep.

A couple weeks later, all communication suddenly stopped. And when I say stopped it was like he had joined the Amish and disappeared forever. He changed gyms, didn’t answers smses, emails, calls. I thought maybe he had been attacked and kidnapped by a crazed fan (well I hoped so!). So I gave up on that and carried on with things.

At that stage of the social scene, Ladies Night at Bourbon Street on Thursday nights was HUGE! We went every Thursday, drank for free and laughed at the male strippers. I had never seen “Tristan” dance and it really was inevitable that we would cross paths again. Lo and behold, one night we were graced with the dance moves of the Cowboys and Angels, led by Tristan Pitt (backed up by his younger brother – their mother must be so proud!). they danced, we laughed… he took all his kit off, but held a vest or something in front of his (still mysterious) junk. I felt quite nauseous – quite a reality check that! Aaaaand, OVER IT!

A few weeks after that, I bumped into him at gym again. Apparently he disappeared because he didn’t know how to tell me that his dad wanted him to move to Malaysia to run their business there. Really?!? Apparently there were no balls included in that alleged package.

Since then, he still hasn’t won any personality competitions, he’s tried to break into the singing market, both English and Afrikaans and didn’t make it – who can’t make it as an Afrikaans singer?!? I once heard him sing at a fundraising charity fete. I was quite hungover and was suddenly subjected to someone trying to hit Justin Timberlake’s super high notes. It was horrifying! It was Mr Vain. Singing on a stage with no audience. Kinda sad really… My BFF also once bought me his CD for my birthday (she happened to be in the same beauty salon as him). We listened to it at the party and ended up crying with laughter, it was that bad! He now does Verimark and Homemark exercise adverts. Even sadder…

So that is the story of when I once (and only once) dated a stripper. Sorry, I mean ‘dancer’…

Standing still in the swirl

Do you ever feel like you’re standing still and the world is moving around you? Not as in the world revolves around you… the way I picture it is like in the movies. You know, the scene (usually at a very important life point) where the person is standing, usually in a busy street, and people are swirling around them. That’s how I feel sometimes…

The reason for this at the moment is that in the last couple months, all these people I know (all of them younger than me) are moving in with their partners, getting engaged, getting married, taking huge steps towards a future with someone they intend to spend the rest of their lives with. This has lead me to think about whether this means I have been left behind?

In my 20’s I had so much fun – going out all the time to clubs, dating all sorts of guys. I had my guy friends that I used to go out with (who are all married with kids now). It was a time of learning for me – finding out what I was and wasn’t looking for in this (elusive) long term ‘perfect’ match. I also developed some great street smarts and have some awesome stories to tell about what I got up to. On the downside, this may also be where my cynicism started to develop…

Is there some unspoken rule or timeline that I missed? Was I supposed to have at least one long relationship of a year or two under my belt by the time I turned 30? When I get asked the dreaded question “How long was your longest relationship?” and my answer is (now) “less than a year” (which is technically the truth). Judging by the look of shock and horror that I get in response leads me to believe that this is true.

Why is it that I should’ve met this target? Why waste a year or two with someone I don’t intend on spending much more time with, let alone the rest of my life? Doesn’t it count that I’ve met other more ambitious milestones, like buying my own house and having 2 (and a half) degrees? And while I was doing all of that, I was still having tons of fun and finding a serious boyfriend didn’t feature as much – though I did look, but never really found what I was looking for.

But now back to standing still in a swirl of movement. So, all these people are meeting people and making these big commitments. Is there a trick to it or is it luck? Do they have to work really hard at finding it and then keeping it? Is it just their time in the grander scheme of things according to the universe? Were they just listening and paying attention? Did this all happen while I had a lapse in concentration? All very possible… I am easily distracted… 

Oooh! Those are pretty shoes!

Sorry… Like I said , I get side-tracked easily.

When I’m feeling like that, maybe the trick is to go with the flow and just jump into the swirl and get caught up in it and believe that I will randomly bump into the best person for me when I least expect it? It actually doesn’t sound that bad! I think I’ll be on the next wave off this island.

When people lose their sparkle

‘Losing sparkle’ is a term that I’ve heard a few times lately. A friend of mine was recently quite taken with a man she had met and was having a bit of a thing with. He made her laugh and was full of interesting facts and good conversation. After a particular conversation where he confessed to still having feelings for his ex, he ‘lost his sparkle’. And although she still saw him on a weekly basis for some fun and laughs, it wasn’t the same, but he was someone for the meantime.

When I talk about ‘sparkle’, it’s not Twilight vampire sparkle, but more that something special that makes you want to see the person all the time and to enjoy their company. It’s that intanglible thing keeps you coming back and making the effort. Kind of like an inner sparkle… and you know how us girls love bling and all things sparkly!

I had a bit of a thing with a guy and it was all good and fun… we laughed, we did stuff and all in all had a good time. We then had a fight, said some not so nice things, deleted each other’s phone numbers and he then proceeded to give me complete silent treatment – and it sucked because I pretty much saw him every day – and I HATE the silent treatment… it drives me crazy (in a bad way)!

Just when I had decided that I actually didn’t care whether we spoke or became friends again, he pitches up at my house, out of the blue, to say hi. A great gesture! And something I’d been hoping for (but doesn’t happen in the real world). After much WTFing and confusion from my side, we said what we had to say, both apologised and then decided to go out and have some fun, which we did.

The next morning I woke up (slightly hungover) and thought that I’d actually like to give this another shot but with some necessary changes to the entire dynamic. I made up my mind to tell him what needed to be said and take it from there. By the time the day was over, it had all worn off and I realised that he’d lost his sparkle. It was great to have him back, but something had changed – I would guess me – and I realised that it wasn’t what I wanted any more. More breaking of my patterns… because there are circumstances involved that need to be avoided.

When I saw him the next day, it was totally obvious, I had proof, no sparkle! And all I felt was relief. I was free to move on and to get on with my life without wondering ‘what if’ and without overanalysing it and thinking about what I could’ve done differently. We chatted and had a laugh about the weekend and that was that. Back to being friends and no annoying silent treatment! I won’t raise the subject though I’m not sure what he’s thinking, but I suppose that’s a bridge to cross if we actually get there.

So I think it’s time to find the next person with sparkle and hope that they keep their sparkle for ages to come…

All these things that I’ve done

I was reminiscing the other day over a glass of wine (I think too many of my posts may start this way…). I was thinking about all the things I’ve done. I don’t mean all the serious stuff like start my very own cult and developing a vaccine against frizzy hair, I mean the fun stuff!

I bought tickets for Lady Gaga the other day and I am super excited! I also heard that the Red Hot Chili Peppers are negotiating a few shows here as part of their world tour… news that almost made me pee my pants since they are my ultimate band! I would sell a kidney to see them – but luckily I have a credit card and bond I could use instead.

So all that got me reminiscing about the concerts I have been to and it’s quite an eclectic list but they have all been fun! I think the first concert I went to was Paul Simon, the first international act to come to SA after the end of Apartheid. I was 14 and thought I was WAY too cool to be there with my parents, even if it was in a box…so embarrassing! the last one I went to was Kings of Leon and had an awesome night, though there are some blurry parts and I paid for it the next day!

I’ve seen rock acts like Metallica, Collective Soul, Goo Goo Dolls, Lenny Kravitz, INXS, Depeche Mode, Tracy Chapman and Spin Doctors, Violent Femmes (2 nights in a row – they take me back to my high school days), Counting Crows, REM, Midnight Oil, Indecent Obsession (we were in Std 7 and snuck in some wine a plastic juice bottle), Garbage, Placebo, Skunk Anansie, OMD (also with my parents) and The Killers.

Then there was the more ‘dancy’ stuff… Jamiroquai (where everyone including JK was smoking joints), Carl Cox, David Guetta, Avicii, Faithless, Prodigy, Fat Boy Slim and Basement Jaxx. There are more DJ’s that I saw during the ‘rave’ days, but I just can’t remember them…

There have been some other awesome acts like Michael Jackson and his incredible HIStory show! There was Rodriguez, whose music I adore but thought was dead because of the urban legends… imagine my excitement to see him live and in the flesh! Robbie Williams – another fantastic show and oh so sexy!! And then Pink, she rocked! Such a great stage presence and Drewski and I had so much fun (as usual)!

Then there were those like Kanye West… we were given free tickets, so why the hell not!? To be honest, when we got there, we weren’t even sure whether it was him onstage… it was quite a flat concert, not much atmosphere and I think we left before the end because we had (eventually) heard a song or two we knew and were bored.

Ah, Busta Rhymes… I was seeing a guy who was about 10 years older than me and kind of a hippy, but we had fun together. So we decided to go see Busta Rhymes who was playing at the Joburg Stadium. It was SO much fun! We stuck out like light beacons but that made it even better, we really got to let loose. It turned out I knew far more Busta Rhymes songs than I realised, even if a lot of them were collaborations. But we drank, we smoked and generally went a bit crazy, so all in all a great experience.

The day before my 30^th birthday, a group of us went to CokeFest where we saw Kaiser Chiefs, Good Charlotte, Must and 30 Seconds to Mars (with Jared Leto was almost within touching distance). It was a great day and being a big birthday I went huge! I even went up to a boy I had being eyeing out and just kissed him - not something I am prone to doing, but with enough beer…he then semi-stalked me for a few weeks.

A couple years back as part of my BFF’s special birthday present treat, we ended a super fun day with the concert, featuring Snap, Vanilla Ice and MC Hammer. OMG!!! SO MUCH FUN!!! The crowd was our age and older, we knew all the songs, and we just went wild! Snap and Vanilla Ice totally rocked and it turns out that Vanilla Ice is really down to earth, friendly and entertaining (and he follows me on Twitter… whoop whoop!). MC Hammer is a chop. He thinks he’s the shit – he isn’t. He name drops, like a group of over 30 white people care whether he once spoke to Tupac and some other random people… anyway, because of his attitude, he really disappointed us. But other than that, it was awesome!!

Lately, I have been seeing a lot of live SA bands and we really have some great talent – Prime Circle, Lonehill Estate, Graeme Watkins Project, Flash Republic (seeing them on Saturday), Shadowclub, The Black Hotels… the list goes on…

So, next stop Lady Gaga and (hopefully) the Red Hot Chili Peppers!!!! WOOOHOOOO!!!