A recap of 2012

So here we are again, at the end of another year. It’s been good and bad, but the more I think about it the more positives I can find.

Looking back at my first post of the year (5 January 2012), I can see how far I’ve come with most resolutions.

I decided I wouldn’t’ be such a control freak in my personal life. I think it worked… I’m more relaxed about things and try not to rely on people too much. If I want to do something, I do it, even if it’s by myself.

I wanted to have a ‘healthy, happy, real relationship’ with a decent man. Unfortunately, this didn’t happen. BUT, I did figure out a bad pattern and have been working on changing that. I actually didn’t really stick to anything I said… So I make an effort not to go for men who are unavailable in any form. I am also not here to fix people and deal with their issues for them.  

The standard ones I got right, I lost weight, went down 2 dress sizes, am much stronger now and I have blogged semi regularly.  

But recapping the year… on the positive side, this is what happened

I did a counselling course through FAMSA. It was awesome! I learnt so much and it also helped me figure that it’s something I want to do more of and that I may need to think about a new path. I haven’t formally used it yet, but I’d like to develop it. I have used the skills informally and seem quite good at it.

On the work front, I got to do some big and different events. The downside to that was burnout twice in a year (not fun!!). Luckily there some quiet months after that where I could regroup and get back to normal.

I had an amazing holiday with my parents in October. We went to the Kruger Park where we saw some amazing things! I haven’t been there since I was a kid, so it was great! It was nice to have some real quality time with them with no distractions. We also spent time in Doornkop, which is always relaxing.

In September, I went to Cape Town for my bestest friends younger brother’s wedding. It was the best one I’ve been to! We had so much fun, it was so relaxed and all in all a great weekend away. I got to know her daughters a bit more (and am now quite besotted J). I’m going back for more next week.

I have just been to Durban with my mom for my aunt’s 60^th birthday and the SA leg of my cousin’s wedding celebrations. I met his son and again am quite besotted. Everyone just seems to have the cutest, most amazing children! I got to catch up with family I hardly ever see, which is always fun. I also got to be a tourist for a while, something I also love doing!

I also did some really fun things this year. We went to Madame Zingara, saw Lady Gaga live (AWESOME!!!!), saw the Springboks play New Zealand (so much eye candy!), went horse riding at Doornkop (and was bruised in the wrong places for 2 weeks), went to a lot of food and wine festivals, discovered I can drink red wine again (WOOOHOOO!!), went to a couple H2O’s and danced my ass off, had fun times with friends and spent some good quality time with Caroline while I can. I also bought Red Hot Chili Pepper tickets!! I am so excited about that! I can die happy on the 4^th February (I’ll need a day to revel in the glow).

I really got into the gym and health thing. I eventually gave up my trainer at the end of September (not easy, but necessary). I think I now train harder than before and am stiff most days (I take that as a good sign!). I have tried to eat healthily but sometimes you just need a big glass of wine and a chocolate! I’ve also had a great year at dancing – great choreography, awesome friends and a guaranteed laugh at every class. I also started ‘cycling’ with my dad - nothing hectic, but I can still ride a bike and have done some nice rides with him. Hopefully we’ll do a couple in Knysna next week.

And I’ve met some amazing people! I don’t know when last I was able to connect with people on so many levels and in different ways. I have met some great guys who have helped me on my ‘journey’ towards becoming better and deserving better. (Not all of them have been great, but have still helped in some way anyway.) Besides the fact that they don’t live in the same province, it’s a start and a step in the right direction.

There were of course the not so great things. We had a tragedy at work where one of my favourite people was killed in a terrible accident. I did my spring clean and ‘lost’ some friends. I had glandular fever, with my first burnout. There was a scare with my dad and his heart, but it all turned out fine.

I learnt some very important things though. If something needs to be said so that I can move on and there’s a benefit, then I say it. It may hurt like hell, especially when deciding to cut someone out, but in the long run it’s a good thing. I’ve learnt not to expect too much from people. They have different priorities and that’s ok. Surround yourself with people who make you smile and laugh and who you know you can call on when you really need them. Family is the most important thing – they love you unconditionally and will always have your back.

So what does 2013 hold? I’m hoping for more fun and excitement. I’m looking at doing some different volunteer work, maybe counselling, community services, who knows? I also want to further my education in some way, I just need to decide how and where. I suppose I’m really looking for a new challenge overall. We’ll just have to see how that all works out…

I hope you all have a great festive season filled with family, friends and fun!

 

The fine art of (rain) spider 'removal'

I am terrified of rain spiders. Not so much any other spiders, but rain spiders scare me half to death. When I see one, first I scream, then I hyperventilate and then I find myself going backwards and forwards trying to figure out the best way to avoid the spider while running for the Doom. It also seems that there are a lot of rain spiders around these days… you’d think the word would’ve spread in the spider community?

I almost have it down to a fine art now and am very skilled at rain spider killing. I have had a number of different scenarios to test this on, though one or two of them I can’t take credit for the killing, just the screaming and running.

Scenario 1 – Christmas Day 2011 - Daddles to the rescue

We were in Knysna where they have rain spiders (I think they’re the females) with enormous abdomens (and I’m sure very scary big teeth!). So I’m about to get dressed for Christmas lunch, wearing only panties, when I open my cupboard door. Low and behold an enormous spider is staring at me! I let out a blood-curdling scream and run. Luckily for everyone in the house I grabbed a vest or something to cover my front. My mother shouts asking whether I’ve seen a snake (her biggest fear), which would’ve been much less terrifying to me! My dad runs into the room to find out who is murdering me only to be disappointed with a giant spider. He sprayed it then squished it (actually it was more like he beat it to death with a broom), leaving a big mark on the carpet. Needless to say, for the rest of the holiday, every time I opened the cupboard or picked anything up, it was with a flinging motion… just in case.

Scenario 2 – A spider about to enter the house

One night, I was about to hang up some washing and opened the front door. There on the wall about a metre from my open kitchen window was a rain spider. I knew he was thinking about coming into my house – I can tell these things. So I screamed, threw the washing inside, dropped a massive (what may be considered blasphemous) F-Bomb and slammed the door shut. Once I had stopped hyperventilating, I grabbed the Doom and slowly opened the door. He was still there. So I sprayed and he crawled towards the roof. I sprayed again. And sprayed a little more. He fell off the wall and then kept trying to climb back up. Eventually he crawled off into the dark where I couldn’t see him. It was then I realised a missing spider is far more scary that a visible one!! I threw a few buckets of water down the walkway, just in case. But that was the end of my hanging up the washing for the night.

Scenario 3 – Spider in the house

This has happened a few times because they have clearly snuck in while I’m at work. Or asleep (horrifying!!!).  Just the other day, I was walking around the house when I noticed something almost camouflaged on the carpet. Yip, a rain spider! He was next to a wall in the passage to the front door. I would have to pass him (by a metre) to get to the kitchen and the Doom and broom. I attempted to move, it didn’t happen. So I did what any sane person would do and climbed over the kitchen counter breakfast bar thing into the kitchen, got my weapons, opened the front door and climbed back out. I could swear my cat was shaking her head at me… so I sprayed him out the door and swept as well (left handed!!) just to make sure. And then sprayed him again outside for good measure. He eventually gave up.

 

These are just some of the scenarios in my current house. There have been many occasions in my last house and when I still lived with my parents. At least when I lived at home there was usually at least one other person there who was less afraid and more capable of removing them.

Should I get married, it will have to be to a man who is not scared of rain spiders. it will be one of my non-negotiables!

Fairy tales... the backbone of every little girl's dreams

There’s a reason fairy tales have been bestsellers for years. Like the Bible, it gives hope to those who read them. Little girls are led to believe that no matter what happens, she will meet her prince and after one kiss they’ll live happily ever after. Don’t get me wrong, I was a huge fan of these stories when I was little, more for the gorgeous dresses they wore than the story, but they do make an impression on you and set a standard for what you should expect.
 
There are a few series going around at the moment based on fairy tales as well and although they try and add some sinister scary twist to the traditional story, it eventually ends happily ever after, to an extent.

As an example, let’s look at the following tales and see how might would work out in the real world.

Cinderella

Cinderella was a slave to her step mother and sisters. She worked hard all day and then had to cook for them and got nothing in return. She also spent long hours talking to the pet cat.

One night, they all went off to a ball the prince was hosting, leaving Cinderella at home., where she sneakily watched ENews and Fashion Police. Magically, her fairy godmother appeared, cleaned her up and sent her off to the ball. She was given a curfew of midnight before her real life got in the way again.

She met the prince, they danced, they fell in love. At the stroke of midnight she dashed off and left a shoe behind. He then sent his people out to all the houses to look for her and find the lady who fitted the shoe. They found Cinderella, she moved into the castle and lived happily ever after.

The real story would go like this… she worked really hard all day and then came home to her cat. She ate whatever she could find at home, had a glass of wine and repeated the same thing week in and week out.

One night she decided to go to party, even though she wasn’t strictly invited. She got all dressed up with input from her gay best friend. Off she drove to the party. She made a decision to leave before midnight so that she could avoid road blocks.

She met a ‘prince’, they had some drinks, danced a bit and he spun her a story that included everything she wanted to hear… he was looking to settle down, there was something special about her (“can’t you feel the connection???”), he’d like to see her again, to woo her and to get serious and commit to each other. She thought, "WOW! I can’t believe my luck! I never thought I would meet the man of my dreams!"

At midnight, she quickly checked Twitter and according to PigSpotter, a big road block was being set up. She dashed out of the party [and there are 2 different endings…] (Ending 1)with the prince in tow. They went back to her place and had a night of passion and talking and cuddling. He had to go in the morning, but promised to contact her later to arrange a real date and start their lives together. She never heard from him again.

At midnight, she quickly checked Twitter and according to PigSpotter, a big road block was being set up. She dashed out of the party, (Ending 2) having given the ‘prince’ her contact details, including her cell number, BBM, email address, Facebook name and Twitter handle. She never heard from him again.

Undercover gym bunny is watching you

I’ve been a member of a gym since about 1994, when they first came to SA in a big way. Over the past year and a bit, I have become a very regular attendee at gym (usually 4 times a week). I go to the Virgin Active at Brightwater, within walking distance from my house (but only when the sun is up).

I used to go for about 45 minutes, do something that could pass for exercise and then go home. While I was there, I watched people (as I do most places), and entertained myself with their antics.  

During the middle of last year, I decided that it was time to get my shit together, lose weight and get serious about being healthy. So I got myself a personal trainer. After much research (of course!), I picked one but at the last minute changed my mind (as usual). Best decision ever! So we started training – the first week was hell! I couldn’t sit down properly for a week because my thighs were so sore and also couldn’t straighten my arms.

It turns out that working with a trainer on the weights floor (and losing a fair amount of size) gives you some ‘street cred’ with the gym crowd. Since then I have made some friends and I can now observe the people around me as one of them, completely under the radar. I have found that there are some standard guys/people that you will find at most gyms…

The guy who grunts
Recently a migrant (see below) came to train at our little gym. Apparently he does every few weeks. It was ridiculous!! He grunted like he was giving birth to horse! For everything! Even when he was using weights that were lighter than mine and doing tricep dips. And I don’t mean a little moan or heavy breathing… I mean sounds that you would expect to hear in the Kruger Park during mating season – and I’ve just been there so I know first hand!

The girl with the super toned muscles
This girl wears tight pants and usually a ‘top’ that shows her midriff. She has super toned arms, slightly over muscled legs and killer abs. The guys stop and openly stare at her. They call each other and whisper to each other. The reason for this behaviour is good old envy. They wish they had the abs and the definition and obvious discipline that goes with this. They do however, also wish she had boobs and was a little more feminine (muscled square jaws and bulging quads are apparently not that attractive). This is when I walk up to them, tease them a bit and then say, “well at least I have boobs…” As much as I admire aspects of girls like that, she obviously doesn’t enjoy wine and chocolate, probably ever. She must be really unhappy!

The girlfriend
She is the proverbial beard to her training boyfriend. Don’t get me wrong, there are some who train properly as a couple. They do the same exercises and are quite serious about their workout. But then there are those who are there because I don’t think they’d see their boyfriends otherwise. The guys train 2 or 3 hours a day after work, 5 days a week. The girlfriends are easy to spot. They visit their men regularly, in between doing a yoga class, stretching and messing around on a ball, going through the motions of using the yes/no machines. Otherwise, they wander around or drink smoothies at Kauai. 

The migrants
These are the guys who aren’t regulars at the branch. They come in once in a while for a change of scenery. They also usually rub the regulars up the wrong way. They act like they own the place. They strut around in their vests trying to show off. They grunt. They hog the machines. They annoy everyone. Luckily, they only come in about once a month and are then gone again. Order is restored. The guys don’t have to resort to marking out their territory around the machines and barbells. That would be awkward…

The dancing teenage boys
Anyone who has been at Brightwater for a while usually at about 5 in the afternoon will know who I’m talking about. These boys come to gym in their luminous gym kit, with canvas sneakers and enormous headphones. They are always found in packs of no less than 3. They have straightened hair that they spend more time on daily than I do in a week. They don’t do much exercise. And when the right tune is playing through said enormous headphones, they will spontaneously break out into dance. But it’s not a regular, ass-shaking dance, it’s a Charleston, flapper/break dance/epileptic fit type dance. And when one busts a move, the rest follow with their own renditions – almost like a friendly dance-off. Luckily these don’t last longer than about 30 seconds each otherwise they would have anyone in the vicinity crying with hysterical laughter.

Over the past year, gym has become an important part of my life. I came to the conclusion the other day that if I didn’t go to gym after work most days, it would just be a matter of time before I punched someone in the face. It’s a great release… I get to stay healthy while watching these entertaining people and the endorphins aren’t terrible! Someone called me a gym bunny the other day, which I wasn’t really ok with at the time, but the more I’ve thought about, the more I think I’ll just own it. So yes, I am a gym bunny and proud!

Movember

And so Movember has officially begun. It is the month of moustaches (a lot of them just sad attempts) and not so attractive facial hair that goes with some of these ‘designer’ ‘taches. The whole moustache thing has been taken to a whole new level, including tips for Moustachery, the Moscars and of course an App.

The point of Movember is to raise funds and awareness for men’s health, specifically prostate cancer and other cancers that affect men. The men who register to take part even have a catchy name (like everything does these days) – the Mo Bros. Mo Bros become walking, talking billboards for the 30 days of (M)November and raise awareness around the often ignored issue of men’s health.

It’s often said that everyone is affected by cancer at some point, either themselves or their friends or family. In about 2004, my father was diagnosed with prostate cancer. Luckily he caught it early because he regularly had blood tests because his mother died of cancer and father also had it (but caught it early as well). So, from that point of view, I’m all for it! If I could (and thankfully I can’t!!) I would grow one too, especially now that the “Big C” has made another unwelcome appearance in my life and upset my tranquil existence. But that’s a story for another day…

So, Movember… My problem with the whole moustache/Movember thing is that, well, there are moustaches everywhere! There are Magnum PI’s, Mr T’s, the handlebars, the Walrus, the Village People (take your pick of 6!) and so on and so on. I am not a huge fan of facial hair and I know a lot of other women who aren’t either. But the implications for single girls in Movember are so much more far-reaching! What it means is that if you meet someone during the month of Movember, you aren’t really sure whether it’s a Movember ‘tache or a permanent facial fixture! Imagine the horror when 1 December comes around and the lamb chops don’t get the chop!? It’s quite horrible to imagine!

We need to be very careful. Because let’s face it, first, shallow impressions are important. If you see a hottie, sporting a “Hulk Hogan”, you’re going to think twice about striking up a conversation just in case, he actually wants to look like Hulk Hogan all the time! It’s a whole month of indecision and taking massive risks where the dating game is concerned.  It’s also a bit more difficult to take a guy seriously if he has a patchy, pre-pubescent looking clump of face fluff.

Luckily this only lasts for a month and like I’ve said for an excellent cause, so I guess I’ll have to suck it up! But boys, be warned… remember than January is now “Fanuary”! We will get you back!

Dating Mr Vain

When I was in Standard 9 (Grade 11), I was a drummie. I was also dating a guy, whose best friend was Mr Vain. Even though this guy and I broke up, Mr Vain stuck around on the periphery, stopping in to say hi to us girls once in a while. We also share the same birthday, though he’s older, so I would get an annual phone call as well.

 

Anyway, while he was hanging around the drummies, he used to wear cycling shorts – not the long ones, the mid-thigh length ones, and in white. Yes… white. Very Axl Rose! We were also convinced that he stuffed said cycle shorts, my mother included. I have photos of us girls ripping him off by stuffing T-shirts in our pants while doing spring holiday training.

At about the same time, the song Mr Vain by Culture Beat came out and what do you know, we had the perfect poster boy for it! If anyone loved himself and spent hours on his appearance, it was him!

He once entered Mr South Africa. He asked everyone he knew to vote for him. He won the best body section but sadly came last (12 out of 12) in the personality section.

Time moved on and the one day I bumped into him at the gym. He was looking hot. He’d been training hard, tanning, highlighting his hair and had had his teeth fixed. I must admit it was the body that sold me. So we started chatting again. While catching up, I discovered that he was a stripper/male pageant entrant, though he called himself a ‘dancer/model’. His stage name was Tristan Pitt. Yes, Tristan as in Brad Pitt’s character in Legends of the Fall and well, Pitt is pretty obvious. It turns out that depending on who was hot at the time he would try and copy their look… Enrique Iglesias, Ricky Martin, Brad Pitt and so on.  

We then ended up dating for a while. I have to say I was SO curious about whether his pants were actually stuffed or if we were just being bitches. We did the normal dating stuff, around the occasional stripper tour, sorry, ‘dancing tour’. They really toured a lot to fancy places like East London, PE and Bloemfontein… ahhhh, how he loved the life of an ‘entertainer’.

Anyway, one night he invited me over to his place for dinner and a sleep over. My mother was almost as excited as me to find out what was really in his pants! We’re close like that. So off I went, all ready to go. He cooked and burnt Woolworths lasagne. We watched a movie, had a couple drinks and then, it was time!! Just before it came to crunch time and the inevitable pants removal, he sat up and said, “Sorry I can’t do this, I have heartburn.” WTF?? Really? Apparently not even a Rennies could cure it. So that was that, I turned over and went to sleep.

A couple weeks later, all communication suddenly stopped. And when I say stopped it was like he had joined the Amish and disappeared forever. He changed gyms, didn’t answers smses, emails, calls. I thought maybe he had been attacked and kidnapped by a crazed fan (well I hoped so!). So I gave up on that and carried on with things.

At that stage of the social scene, Ladies Night at Bourbon Street on Thursday nights was HUGE! We went every Thursday, drank for free and laughed at the male strippers. I had never seen “Tristan” dance and it really was inevitable that we would cross paths again. Lo and behold, one night we were graced with the dance moves of the Cowboys and Angels, led by Tristan Pitt (backed up by his younger brother – their mother must be so proud!). they danced, we laughed… he took all his kit off, but held a vest or something in front of his (still mysterious) junk. I felt quite nauseous – quite a reality check that! Aaaaand, OVER IT!

A few weeks after that, I bumped into him at gym again. Apparently he disappeared because he didn’t know how to tell me that his dad wanted him to move to Malaysia to run their business there. Really?!? Apparently there were no balls included in that alleged package.

Since then, he still hasn’t won any personality competitions, he’s tried to break into the singing market, both English and Afrikaans and didn’t make it – who can’t make it as an Afrikaans singer?!? I once heard him sing at a fundraising charity fete. I was quite hungover and was suddenly subjected to someone trying to hit Justin Timberlake’s super high notes. It was horrifying! It was Mr Vain. Singing on a stage with no audience. Kinda sad really… My BFF also once bought me his CD for my birthday (she happened to be in the same beauty salon as him). We listened to it at the party and ended up crying with laughter, it was that bad! He now does Verimark and Homemark exercise adverts. Even sadder…

So that is the story of when I once (and only once) dated a stripper. Sorry, I mean ‘dancer’…

Standing still in the swirl

Do you ever feel like you’re standing still and the world is moving around you? Not as in the world revolves around you… the way I picture it is like in the movies. You know, the scene (usually at a very important life point) where the person is standing, usually in a busy street, and people are swirling around them. That’s how I feel sometimes…

The reason for this at the moment is that in the last couple months, all these people I know (all of them younger than me) are moving in with their partners, getting engaged, getting married, taking huge steps towards a future with someone they intend to spend the rest of their lives with. This has lead me to think about whether this means I have been left behind?

In my 20’s I had so much fun – going out all the time to clubs, dating all sorts of guys. I had my guy friends that I used to go out with (who are all married with kids now). It was a time of learning for me – finding out what I was and wasn’t looking for in this (elusive) long term ‘perfect’ match. I also developed some great street smarts and have some awesome stories to tell about what I got up to. On the downside, this may also be where my cynicism started to develop…

Is there some unspoken rule or timeline that I missed? Was I supposed to have at least one long relationship of a year or two under my belt by the time I turned 30? When I get asked the dreaded question “How long was your longest relationship?” and my answer is (now) “less than a year” (which is technically the truth). Judging by the look of shock and horror that I get in response leads me to believe that this is true.

Why is it that I should’ve met this target? Why waste a year or two with someone I don’t intend on spending much more time with, let alone the rest of my life? Doesn’t it count that I’ve met other more ambitious milestones, like buying my own house and having 2 (and a half) degrees? And while I was doing all of that, I was still having tons of fun and finding a serious boyfriend didn’t feature as much – though I did look, but never really found what I was looking for.

But now back to standing still in a swirl of movement. So, all these people are meeting people and making these big commitments. Is there a trick to it or is it luck? Do they have to work really hard at finding it and then keeping it? Is it just their time in the grander scheme of things according to the universe? Were they just listening and paying attention? Did this all happen while I had a lapse in concentration? All very possible… I am easily distracted… 

Oooh! Those are pretty shoes!

Sorry… Like I said , I get side-tracked easily.

When I’m feeling like that, maybe the trick is to go with the flow and just jump into the swirl and get caught up in it and believe that I will randomly bump into the best person for me when I least expect it? It actually doesn’t sound that bad! I think I’ll be on the next wave off this island.

When people lose their sparkle

‘Losing sparkle’ is a term that I’ve heard a few times lately. A friend of mine was recently quite taken with a man she had met and was having a bit of a thing with. He made her laugh and was full of interesting facts and good conversation. After a particular conversation where he confessed to still having feelings for his ex, he ‘lost his sparkle’. And although she still saw him on a weekly basis for some fun and laughs, it wasn’t the same, but he was someone for the meantime.

When I talk about ‘sparkle’, it’s not Twilight vampire sparkle, but more that something special that makes you want to see the person all the time and to enjoy their company. It’s that intanglible thing keeps you coming back and making the effort. Kind of like an inner sparkle… and you know how us girls love bling and all things sparkly!

I had a bit of a thing with a guy and it was all good and fun… we laughed, we did stuff and all in all had a good time. We then had a fight, said some not so nice things, deleted each other’s phone numbers and he then proceeded to give me complete silent treatment – and it sucked because I pretty much saw him every day – and I HATE the silent treatment… it drives me crazy (in a bad way)!

Just when I had decided that I actually didn’t care whether we spoke or became friends again, he pitches up at my house, out of the blue, to say hi. A great gesture! And something I’d been hoping for (but doesn’t happen in the real world). After much WTFing and confusion from my side, we said what we had to say, both apologised and then decided to go out and have some fun, which we did.

The next morning I woke up (slightly hungover) and thought that I’d actually like to give this another shot but with some necessary changes to the entire dynamic. I made up my mind to tell him what needed to be said and take it from there. By the time the day was over, it had all worn off and I realised that he’d lost his sparkle. It was great to have him back, but something had changed – I would guess me – and I realised that it wasn’t what I wanted any more. More breaking of my patterns… because there are circumstances involved that need to be avoided.

When I saw him the next day, it was totally obvious, I had proof, no sparkle! And all I felt was relief. I was free to move on and to get on with my life without wondering ‘what if’ and without overanalysing it and thinking about what I could’ve done differently. We chatted and had a laugh about the weekend and that was that. Back to being friends and no annoying silent treatment! I won’t raise the subject though I’m not sure what he’s thinking, but I suppose that’s a bridge to cross if we actually get there.

So I think it’s time to find the next person with sparkle and hope that they keep their sparkle for ages to come…

All these things that I’ve done

I was reminiscing the other day over a glass of wine (I think too many of my posts may start this way…). I was thinking about all the things I’ve done. I don’t mean all the serious stuff like start my very own cult and developing a vaccine against frizzy hair, I mean the fun stuff!

I bought tickets for Lady Gaga the other day and I am super excited! I also heard that the Red Hot Chili Peppers are negotiating a few shows here as part of their world tour… news that almost made me pee my pants since they are my ultimate band! I would sell a kidney to see them – but luckily I have a credit card and bond I could use instead.

So all that got me reminiscing about the concerts I have been to and it’s quite an eclectic list but they have all been fun! I think the first concert I went to was Paul Simon, the first international act to come to SA after the end of Apartheid. I was 14 and thought I was WAY too cool to be there with my parents, even if it was in a box…so embarrassing! the last one I went to was Kings of Leon and had an awesome night, though there are some blurry parts and I paid for it the next day!

I’ve seen rock acts like Metallica, Collective Soul, Goo Goo Dolls, Lenny Kravitz, INXS, Depeche Mode, Tracy Chapman and Spin Doctors, Violent Femmes (2 nights in a row – they take me back to my high school days), Counting Crows, REM, Midnight Oil, Indecent Obsession (we were in Std 7 and snuck in some wine a plastic juice bottle), Garbage, Placebo, Skunk Anansie, OMD (also with my parents) and The Killers.

Then there was the more ‘dancy’ stuff… Jamiroquai (where everyone including JK was smoking joints), Carl Cox, David Guetta, Avicii, Faithless, Prodigy, Fat Boy Slim and Basement Jaxx. There are more DJ’s that I saw during the ‘rave’ days, but I just can’t remember them…

There have been some other awesome acts like Michael Jackson and his incredible HIStory show! There was Rodriguez, whose music I adore but thought was dead because of the urban legends… imagine my excitement to see him live and in the flesh! Robbie Williams – another fantastic show and oh so sexy!! And then Pink, she rocked! Such a great stage presence and Drewski and I had so much fun (as usual)!

Then there were those like Kanye West… we were given free tickets, so why the hell not!? To be honest, when we got there, we weren’t even sure whether it was him onstage… it was quite a flat concert, not much atmosphere and I think we left before the end because we had (eventually) heard a song or two we knew and were bored.

Ah, Busta Rhymes… I was seeing a guy who was about 10 years older than me and kind of a hippy, but we had fun together. So we decided to go see Busta Rhymes who was playing at the Joburg Stadium. It was SO much fun! We stuck out like light beacons but that made it even better, we really got to let loose. It turned out I knew far more Busta Rhymes songs than I realised, even if a lot of them were collaborations. But we drank, we smoked and generally went a bit crazy, so all in all a great experience.

The day before my 30^th birthday, a group of us went to CokeFest where we saw Kaiser Chiefs, Good Charlotte, Must and 30 Seconds to Mars (with Jared Leto was almost within touching distance). It was a great day and being a big birthday I went huge! I even went up to a boy I had being eyeing out and just kissed him - not something I am prone to doing, but with enough beer…he then semi-stalked me for a few weeks.

A couple years back as part of my BFF’s special birthday present treat, we ended a super fun day with the concert, featuring Snap, Vanilla Ice and MC Hammer. OMG!!! SO MUCH FUN!!! The crowd was our age and older, we knew all the songs, and we just went wild! Snap and Vanilla Ice totally rocked and it turns out that Vanilla Ice is really down to earth, friendly and entertaining (and he follows me on Twitter… whoop whoop!). MC Hammer is a chop. He thinks he’s the shit – he isn’t. He name drops, like a group of over 30 white people care whether he once spoke to Tupac and some other random people… anyway, because of his attitude, he really disappointed us. But other than that, it was awesome!!

Lately, I have been seeing a lot of live SA bands and we really have some great talent – Prime Circle, Lonehill Estate, Graeme Watkins Project, Flash Republic (seeing them on Saturday), Shadowclub, The Black Hotels… the list goes on…

So, next stop Lady Gaga and (hopefully) the Red Hot Chili Peppers!!!! WOOOHOOOO!!!

Breaking the pattern

I recently had an epiphany… I have a bad pattern that needs breaking! It involves a number of factors that have an impact of my relationships with men. The main one is that I go for mostly emotionally unavailable men. Whether it’s men who won’t commit, still want to play the field, think they deserve better, are emotionally damaged or are in a long distance relationship, they seem to be my type and seem to love me back (for a limited time of course).

And I have just taken the first step to break this pattern. I said NO! And I am so proud of myself for doing it! Because it’s not something I would normally do… normally, I would talk myself into doing what I knew was wrong – I am the queen of justification!

 

The story goes something like this… I go for dinner with the girls. A guy across the restaurant keeps catching my eye and there’s a connection, you know, one of those weird, unexplainable connections. The guy leaves. On our way out a little later, the waitress pulls me aside, says the guy has asked her to get my name and number because he’s sure he knows me from somewhere. So I give it to her. How exciting and flattering!

The next day, the guy phones and we arrange to do lunch/coffee the next week (he actually does know me from high school). I’m excited! This is how great stories begin! I tell a friend about this all and a couple hours later she calls me. Her bff knows this guy and tells her he’s married. To be honest, I wasn’t surprised to hear this, what with my awesome track record of late! So naturally, I’m quite pissed off about all this… besides the body builder, I don’t actually remember when last an available man hit on me!

A few hours later, this guy calls me again, to tell me he’s married - so he has a conscience. He goes on to say he’d still like to meet up and catch up (even though we didn’t actually know each other at school – he was a couple years behind me) because he also felt a connection and wants to get to know me. He’s adamant that there aren’t any ulterior motives and that it’s innocent, which I actually could believe because he’s apparently a genuinely nice guy. So I tell him I need to think about him and I’ll let him know.

I’m glad I decided to take time to think on it because my natural instinct is to say: “Sure, it can’t hurt to go for an innocent coffee and catch up.” In theory it would just be an innocent catch up, but that’s just opening myself up to a lot of extra drama that I really don’t want because in the real world, there are so many ways that this could go wrong.

By the time I got to my car (5 minutes after his call) I had decided I would say NO. I’d been given an obvious opportunity to break my pattern and I was going to make the most of it! Later, I ran the whole story and my decision past my trainer who unknowingly doubles as my sounding board and therapist and he agreed with me. And if a guy agrees with you, it must be right! It also helps that he’s seen all the shit (and by shit I mean bad choices in men) I’ve been through over the last 10 months.

I called this guy earlier today to tell him no and I stuck to my guns! I told him it was a bad idea and had all the potential to end badly. We chatted a bit more about general stuff and that was that. It was nice to chat to someone new and who grew up similar to you, in the same neighbourhood and all that, but in this situation, the bad far outweighs the good and that’s what I need to stay away from. And I have!  

They say like attracts like and I think that this may be true to an extent. I confess that I am a commitment-phobe. Don’t get me wrong, I would love to be someone’s first and only choice, their other half, the love of their life, but I just don’t know how to be that without freaking out. With that in mind, I could be defined as emotionally unavailable myself, it’s quite obvious that I should subconsciously attract similar people.

How to fix it... I suppose the first step to changing this is actually acknowledging that this is what’s happening. Done! The next step would be to identify it when it does happen. I actually need to pay attention to what’s going on and need to analyse the situations and little more. Done! Then, I need to consciously break that pattern and say no to it when I see it happening. Done! Granted, I have only done this once so far, but it’s a start! And I am proud of myself for standing up and saying no and going against my (bad) instincts.  

Now that I am aware of what’s actually going on, I have something to work with and work towards. I know what I want, what I deserve and I am the only person standing in my way. I just need to get my shit together and let my natural awesomeness shine! Preferably in the direction of emotionally available, hot, straight single men…

Story of the week - Driver arrested for masturbating

Courtesy of IOL Motoring

OMG and WTF?!?! Funniest story I have read in a long time! Who knew a man could multi-task like this??

Let's face it - there are probably more fetishes out there than you or I could ever imagine, but this one has got to be among the strangest - and it even effects road safety.

According The Huffington Post, an American man was arrested on Monday for masturbating while driving.

A tow truck driver alerted police after spotting the man driving in the nick and with suspicious arm movements. When pulled over by the cops, the perpetrator was seen battling to get his trousers back on.

While searching him, police also found that the Jeep driver had a toy gun down there, with the barrel reaching into his anus. The base of his man-tool also had a piece of black cloth tied to it.

When questioned about his actions behind the wheel, the man admitted that he had issues and that he was receiving therapy.

No doubt, his list of problems in life now includes a criminal charge of "Lewd and lascivious behaviour."

10 signs you’re just not that into him

A few weeks back, I met a guy at the Baron. I was there with some friends to watch a rugby test match. Even though the Baron is a huge meat market, my intention that day was purely to watch the game with some friends before I had to go to a dinner at Drewski’s.

I was standing there minding my own business, enjoying a drink, eyeing out a soon to be empty table for us to lean on, when a huge bodybuilder type guy starts talking to me. So I was polite, talked to him a bit while watching the game. As the evening wears on, he attaches himself to me limpet style and tries to get to know me. Eventually, I give him my bbm pin so that he’ll stop asking for it. I turn down his offer of putting an eating a workout plan together for me – I already have people who do that – and try to steer away from the conversation about how often I eat protein and body fat percentages.

The game ends and I dash out to my next engagement. He bbm’s me through the night and next day. He then phones me so he can chat properly and get to know me. I really don’t like talking on the phone, but go with the flow.

We go for dinner on the Monday and I watch horrified as he eats in one meal what I eat for dinner in a week. I even let him hold my hand. Then when we say goodbye, I don’t let him kiss me (never on the first date!) and also keep turning down his suggestions of him coming over to my house.

I kept telling myself to stick it out because he’s not my usual type (emotionally unavailable pretty boys) and maybe I need to get out of my comfort zone and try dating a nice guy.

Before the week was through and only one date down, I was asked to join him for Father’s Day lunch with his entire family. He got upset when I said I was going to be home alone and didn’t invite him over. He kept asking if I missed him and got upset when I said “Ummm… No”.

So it all got me thinking, maybe there’s a reason we have types and sure it’s good to try something new, but I discovered that new is not always good. But it did reinforce how I know I’m not into a guy.

And here are the currently relevant top 10 signs I know I’m not into someone.  And there are so many more, but these were my obvious ones.

1.    You would rather be home alone, doing your ironing

2.    You see it’s him calling and mute the phone and let it go to voicemail

3.    You’re not particularly upset if he cancels plans

4.    You feel a bit nauseous when he refers to himself as your ‘new boyfriend’ (on the first date!)

5.    You say you can’t go out because you have made up plans (that are cancelled at the last minute) and are happy to stay at home ironing, talking to your cat

6.    You hyperventilate and scream NO! when he asks if you want to come over for a big family Sunday lunch (on Father’s Day!!)

7.    You roll your eyes a lot and eventually may even pull an eye muscle

8.    You really don’t want him to come to your gym because he’ll ruin your happy place and it would be quite embarrassing!

9.    You want to punch anyone who asks how he is

10.  When he deletes you from bbm or Facebook, you don’t really give a shit and are thankful you don’t have to see the constant arbitrary updates and self-given nicknames like “The Rock”

Now, if I had been into him, I would let the ironing pile up, would let him kiss me on the first date, would have him over to my house and would meet his family (an probably even attempt to speak Afrikaans).

But alas, this was not the case. After being deleted from his bbm and Facebook, he asked me to send my pin again… but really, I could not be bothered, because buddy, I’M JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU!

Mr Right Now

I read an article the other day about whether women should settle for Mr Right Now or Mr Good Enough rather than waiting or looking for Mr Right. And as these things do, it got me thinking.

As an aside, it also ties in with the timing thing, because Murphy’s Law, you marry Mr Right Now or Mr Good Enough and find Mr Right soon after.

But back to the topic at hand…

I believe that everyone comes into your life and some leave it because they have a particular purpose or lesson to teach you at the time. When you’ve been (figuratively) battered by someone and are feeling disillusioned, you meet someone who treats you like gold and is awesome for your ego and who helps you get back on track with your confidence and all that good stuff. But down the line, they don’t really fit into your life anymore.  

You drift away from people because you no longer gel. They may have not grown up or may have gotten old and boring when that’s not where you are. They might become a Scientologist or a vegan. But they were great when you were both on the same page and the relationship was reciprocal and beneficial to all concerned. I think it gives you the perspective that you might need at the time.

So what’s to say that you should hold onto Mr Right Now for eternity? Maybe they are not meant to be married and are merely there to occupy your attention until the real thing comes along. But, (and there’s always a but) what if you’re his Miss Right? What if your Mr Right doesn’t come along because he’s married his Miss Right Now, are you then stuck and do you have to convince yourself that Mr Right Now can in fact be Mr Good Enough, even Mr Right? Of course that’s just really over thinking it and being a bit cynical, but these questions are often sitting in the back of my mind, ready to raise doubt and sabotage things.

I have to assume that the fates will intervene so that you don’t find yourself in this situation (well at least not too often). I’m sure we’ve all had moments when we look at our exes and think “What the hell was I thinking?!?!” I think that’s a fateful intervention. That ex may have been good for you at the time - someone older who could guide you in a certain stage, someone who was fun, someone who was your rebound. But in the end, someone who wasn’t going to grow in the same direction as you, had different life goals and views and you ultimately would’ve drifted apart and ended up disliking each other. 

Settling for Mr Right Now or Mr Good enough is just that, settling. This has been a regular topic of discussion with my single friends… should we settle? Should we lower our standards just for the sake of being in a relationship? I say “HELL NO!” That defeats the point doesn’t it?

So what is a girl to do? Which path do you choose? Do you put your faith in the fates and that things will work out well? Can Mr Right Now become Mr Right?

If you do decide to spend the rest of your life (and that’s a looong time these days) with someone, he better be the right someone! Why would you spend all this time with someone who isn’t a match, who irritates you or who doesn’t share enough in common with you? Personally, I’d much rather be alone!

Is timing everything?

When it comes to affairs of the heart, how important is timing? In my opinion, it’s way up there with chemistry, something I just can’t date without.

Recently I met someone and there was an instant connection. It seemed to be on the path to awesomeness and maybe even something real. But then, much to my dismay, I discovered that my timing couldn’t have been more off. During what would’ve been a fantastic honeymoon phase, I found out he had a girlfriend - long-distance girlfriend but one who had been around for over a year.

During one of our many conversations, we agreed that the circumstances sucked and if things had been different, things would’ve been very different... sigh. The more frustrating this is that this isn’t the first time it’s happened. Not necessarily the girlfriend thing but the bad timing thing. Meeting someone who is about to move to London for 2 years, meeting someone who lives in Cape Town and you’re students so don’t have any money to commute, that kind of bad timing.

Now I hear people saying that if it was meant to be, it would work itself out. So either it’s never meant to be or that’s just a load of crap! At the tender age of 34, I like to think it’s a load of crap… if not, I have screwed over by the fate fairies far too many times!

Thinking about this, a friend of mine dated a guy for a while and they were happy. Something happened, I think it was a long distance or change of circumstance thing and they broke up. He married someone and got divorced just as quickly. She moved in with someone and eventually broke up with him. They kept in touch and had dinner once in a while. After she broke up with the last guy, they got back together. They look so happy and seem to be blissfully in love. We are expecting an engagement. So in this story, timing was definitely an issue but when the time was right, they found each other again. The question now is whether this is a fluke or whether this is the norm? For obvious reasons I hope it’s the norm!

I suppose it is all highly circumstantial and depends on a number of factors. But then, how do so many people manage to get it right? Is it a personality/pheromone/star alignment thing? How does one fix bad timing?

One theory is that when you’re ready for the relationship, everything will work out and the timing will be right. But then why do you meet someone when you’re not ready? Is it because you wouldn’t have net them at all otherwise and they’re being put on your radar for a later stage? Is it safe to just believe that when the time is right it will happen?

I’m not always a patient person and do tend to try and make things happen, be a ‘go-getter’, and I don’t really know how much I can just sit back and let it happen… it hasn’t in the past 20 years I’ve been dating. Am I just a late bloomer and needed all that ‘experience’ first? Maybe that’s what’ll make me appreciate it?

OR… is this not on my cards? Maybe this is the way things are just going to be. Maybe that’s the reason my timing is off because it’s supposed to be?

I must say that even though this may be the case, I really hope it’s not! Turns out I’m a romantic at heart and would love to have the happily ever after with someone whose timing is the same as mine.  

Life is short, live it without regret

Today, a colleague of mine was killed in a car accident. We’ve worked together for 6 years, he was an awesome guy and suddenly, he’s no longer there.

Something like this makes you stop and take stock. It makes you realise how fragile life is and how quickly it can be taken away and the lives of your loved ones change forever in a way that is so hard to comprehend.

So here is my stock…

I’ve done things I’m not proud of, but I’ve done more that I am proud of. I’ve messed up things but I’ve also fixed things. I like to think I’ve been a good influence and that I have done things to change people’s lives for the better.

I may not have had a great love yet, but I’m sure if I’m supposed to be someone’s one and only, I will. In the meantime, I will give my all to the people I do have and appreciate everything they add to my life.

I suppose all we can really hope for is that when it is our time, we leave a positive legacy and are remembered with smiles and laughs and champagne. We can hope that our memorial is attended by many who truly care and who will miss us, even if it’s only for a moment. That people will have great stories to tell and will cry with laughter, not sadness.

So in the meantime, you never know when you’re going to draw your last breath. Live each day like it counts. Tell the people you love that you love them and love as hard as you can. Don’t end a conversation angry, be the bigger person and apologise. Say what you mean, but only if it will benefit the other person, don’t hurt them for no reason. Surround yourself with people who are positive, happy and add value to your life. Be one of those people for someone else.

I guess just live life like you mean it and make a positive impact. Be remembered for good things and with a smile.

Regret nothing.

Are you on my spring clean list??

I am a fan of spring cleaning. Not shoes... People. Acquaintances, boyfriends, friends and maybe even some family.

I've realised over the years that people let you down. They're selfish, they're fickle and they're expendable. A bit harsh? Maybe... But really who has the time and energy to waste on people who don't add anything worthwhile to your life? If a boyfriend/ girlfriend treats you badly, fights with you all the time, doesn't pay you attention or makes you feel bad about yourself, you dump them. Or you should. So why can't the same be applied to friends??

At least twice a year I go through my Facebook 'friends' and delete people I don't actually like. But that's the easy side of it.

In the last year or so, I've spring cleaned 2 very good friends. Maybe the friendships had run their course but I don't see the point of having to work so hard to keep something alive when there isn't really much to gain from it. If there is no win-win situation, you're wasting time and energy that I could be using to find a better friend or even further my knowledge and education. I don't want to run after people and I don't want people to feel obliged to spend time with me.

Recently I have been thinking about some of the friendships I have and am wondering whether they are actually benefitting me or just causing me unnecessary unhappiness and upset? I feel I am just giving and getting nothing worthwhile in return. Surely it’s not healthy to be avoiding friends and actually making a point of not contacting them and feeling relief when you don’t have to see them? They are just not adding value or giving back. I really can't always be the giver, the supporter, the fun one, the advisor. I need some in return!

The other day I decided to do a little social experiment… I made a point of not messaging friends first, to see who would actually take the initiative and make an effort with me for a change. In hindsight, if I hadn’t updated my BBM status saying “Let the social experiment begin”, I would’ve had a better idea – I have curious friends. I may actually do it again, but not say anything this time. Unfortunately I think it would take most of my friends a few days to realise they hadn’t heard from me.  And that really sucks!

So I am now stuck with the dilemma of whether to spring clean. Having given it some more thought, I think right now it’s probably best for me not to act impulsively (for a change) and see where it all ends up. Is this something that should be given a timeline or should it runs its course?

I have to admit that I would hate to lose these friends because we’ve had so many good times together! But as with any relationship, do the good times outweigh the bad? Is this just a phase?

So, if you’re a friend of mine and you’re reading this, think very hard about what you’ve done for me lately and whether you’ve supported me and shown interest in my life… if not, you better get your shit together because you may be the next one to get spring cleaned! Good luck!

V Day

So Valentine’s Day is around the corner. Shops are filled with red, frilly stuff and apparently love is in the air. It makes me a bit nauseous just thinking about it. 

I am not a true believer in Valentine’s Day. I don’t see what all the fuss is about and I don’t know why everyone feels the pressure to do something huge and spend the day (a random day at that) with someone, anyone, just as long as you aren’t alone!

Sure, it used to be really fun in high school when the carnations were delivered in the morning to class and there was a special Valentines assembly – ours was always very funny! Someone always sent a secret admirer card (though I suspect it was my parents) and it was a great day for the ego, because well, teenagers love that crap!

Over the past 10 years or so, it’s become more and more of a non-event for me. When I was a waitress, we used to make an absolute killing in tips! We’d have at least two seatings on the day and the bills were never below R500 for two people (it was an expensive restaurant).

About 7 or 8 years ago, I was even dumped on Valentine’s Day! And after seeing him again a couple years ago, I am breathing a sigh of relief! I’ve done the single girls anti-Valentine’s day dinner with friends - always a fun night out! The last two or three years, I have had solo dates… I buy a good bottle of wine, cook myself something decadent, buy chocolate (of course!) and enjoy my own company. Because lets be honest, if you can’t love yourself, who else can?

I think that Valentine’s is just a bit too commercial… if you want to spoil your significant other, you shouldn’t need an earmarked day to do it. If you want to take me for dinner and buy me flowers (preferably not roses in summer – they never last!) and chocolate, then do it anytime. They even sell ‘love cards’ all year round. Grand and romantic gestures are SO much better when they’re unexpected!

So this year, as it stands, I am going to work out with my trainer after work, buying a perfectly cooked take away steak and going home for dinner, wine and something entertaining on my hard drive. My cat may even join me, if she doesn’t have a hot date.  

But being a girl and a sometimes hopeless romantic, I’m always open to being convinced otherwise about Valentine’s Day and would even appreciate a grand gesture!  

A change of perspective... Update

So my dad is fine! He's back home and allowed to carry on with life as usual. Turns out it was a random thing, like a heartbeat hiccup...

I'm no longer getting teary or having panic attacks and life can carry on as usual! Although I still maintain that I will keep my current view of life and will strive to find what I deserve!

A change of perspective

Yesterday, I heard words that terrified me to the core… “Your dad is in hospital, getting his heart shocked”. My own heart broke a little. The news got gradually worse as the day went on and my dad ended up spending a night in ICU being monitored so they could give it another go today and get his heartbeat back to normal rhythm.

This is not supposed to be happening to my dad. He’s healthy, fit and my dad. He climbed Everest, he cycled the El Camino, he does canopy tours and takes part in ocean yacht races with me.

So in between my panic attacks and tears, I came to the realisation that the things that have been on my mind lately are not really important. I’ve been wasting time trying to change things that probably won’t change, no matter how much I do – they aren’t mine to change. I need to focus on family and friends and the goodness they bring to my life. I need to leave the negative behind and stop looking back.

Lately, I’ve been going around in circles, repeating mistakes and expecting different results (isn’t that the definition of insanity?). I need to stop this bad habit and just get on with the positive things and surround myself with good people who are genuine and want the same things. Life really is too short and precious to be wasting time with disingenuous people who don’t add the right value.

It’s funny how a shock and the threat of mortality can really change your perspective like that. I will no longer sweat the small stuff or compromise what I deserve.  

If you’re single and you know it clap your hands

So (obviously), I’m single. I have been for a long, with a brief relationship here and there, but nothing worth changing my Facebook status about. 
 

Being single isn’t a problem for me, it’s what I know and I enjoy it for the most part. I get to hang out with friends whenever, I get to spend time alone relaxing, I have less drama in my life and if the need arises, I hook up with a guy. I have solo dates, where I eat good food, have a glass of wine and listen to good music and enjoy my own company (and sometimes that of my cat). I go for long walks or drives and explore new places. I don’t need to worry about someone else’s feelings or whether they are enjoying themselves or eat sushi.

Don’t get me wrong, sometimes I miss having someone to share things with and spend time with. It’s nice to have someone you can lie in bed with listening to the rain or go to movies with. It’s nice to snuggle or just sit quietly knowing someone is nearby.

I am in my 30’s and apparently being single when you’re over 30 is not a good thing. Maybe it messes with some people’s view of the balance of the universe? Maybe it doesn’t fit in with societal norms or what was/is expected of women. Personally, I think that’s bullshit!

In the last few months, there has been a spate of fix up attempts by friends and acquaintances. Some people think that just because two people are single, they’ll get on. If that were the case, no one would be single. I have standards. A few are negotiable (like blonde or brunette), but most aren’t (like sense of humour, intelligence and height) – if they all were, again, I wouldn’t be single -I have kissed enough frogs to know what I deserve and to know what I do and don’t want. I must give people credit though, they do ask first whether and I am single and then why I’m single.

At the moment I’m finding most first conversations of 2012 going as follows, in this order…
1. “How was Knysna?”
2. “Did you meet any men?”.

My standard response is…
1. “Kynsna was great!”
2. “I was in Knysna… seriously? Men in Knysna?”

This is true, as far as I have seen, there aren’t many single guys in Knysna – it’s quite a couple destination. But secondly, I don’t go on holiday to find a man! I go to relax, spend time with my family and do fun stuff that I don’t do at home.

I really hope to one day meet that person who makes me want to choose them over my single lifestyle. Someone who makes me want to compromise and include them in everything. I’ve met guys that I would do this for but the timing is wrong, something goes wrong or I just wasn’t ready for commitment. This is going to sound really arrogant, but if there is someone good enough, then I’m all for jumping right in!  So until then, I will keep getting set up and keep meeting new guys because well, you just never know!  

Just a little something about me...

I can't wait around (and shouldn't be expected to) for someone to decide whether I'm the one they want, that I'm good enough for them and that I'm actually what they're looking for. I am not a consolation prize… I’m first prize.

Love me and choose me for me. I'm a great catch. I have so much to give. I just need a chance to show it.

I should not have to be compared with other girls for you to realise how great I actually am. You should see it and be happy with it and love it.  And not wonder if there is something better.

I will not play games. It should be straightforward and open. We are past that, it’s unnecessary. If you don't know what you really want, you need to decide first before you start the journey or at least be honest about it throughout.  Don't lead people on. It’s not fair to them to play with their emotions... especially people who don't open up easily because of past pain and disappointment.

You're not the only one who has been hurt or who has cried so hard because of someone else that you didn't think you'd survive it. But you did. And you learnt and grew from it. Don't be that person who taught you the lesson... Be the person who teaches in a good way, through love and honesty, not pain, hurt and selfishness.

Be a decent guy. Honesty and straightforwardness are appreciated. It may be hard to hear but it is appreciated in the long run, it saves a lot of future pain and sadness.

There is always risk involved, you just need to put your big girl panties on and give it a try. Sure, you could get your heart broken again but you could also find that one person who makes your heart so happy you think it will burst! You need to take a chance or you'll never find out.   

If you want to date me, just ask. There’s a good chance I’ll say yes and give it my best shot. All I ask is that you treat me right and we’ll be happier than we ever dreamed possible.

Friends like these...

We all have friends. Some have more than others. With the advent of Facebook, those of us on FB have more ‘friends’ than we knew we actually had. But the fact of the matter is that we pick our friends. They’re the family we choose.

Friends are people you can talk to about anything. They are there for you no matter what. They don’t judge you and accept you for all your flaws and for the mistakes you make. Friends tell you he was no good for you, but you went back anyway and they will still be there when he breaks your heart again and won’t say “I told you so” – well not to your face.  They are there for the good and the bad, they support you, encourage you, keep your secrets, tell you the truth and give you advice. They tell you if your bum looks fat in that, they tell you that you look great in that new dress and they will shop with you for hours to find that perfect pair of shoes.

At the moment, I have a close group of friends and who I can spend time with either individually or as a group and they all get along with each other – bonus! Everyone is similar enough to get along but different enough to make it fun and interesting. We all have different relationship histories – married, divorced, dating, single. We all have different taste in men – helps limit competitiveness, all have successful careers, some have pets, some have children. But the fact of the matter is that when we get together (whether one on one or in a group), we have fun and enjoy ourselves. We can go bar hopping, have a fondue, go to movies, go away for a weekend or just sit around talking and laughing. It doesn’t really matter where we are, what we’re doing or what’s happening around us.

The one thing I have found lately is that I don’t really have any male friends at the moment – not like I used to! I used to be one of the boys and only had a couple girlfriends. The opposite is true now. Sure, I have a guy friend I’ve known for many years, who I see every couple weeks, but it’s become quite a superficial catch up thing. Earlier last year, I tried to cultivate a male friendship and it almost worked… then he got drunk, sent me naughty messages and decided he wasn’t able to be my friend. I tried again recently and ended up in bed with him… and I am now stuck with undefined uncertainty about what’s going on. It really does get more difficult as you get older and people settle down. Maybe there is no such thing as a platonic friendship when it comes to single men and women?

I have also found that some friends come with a sell by date. These are the friends who are awesome and lots of fun but only for a period of time. The relationship isn’t particularly sustainable and tends to fizzle out when something changes, like a job, life direction, new romantic relationship or new friendship. You get tired of being the person to always make the effort. They just die a quiet death though there is sometimes the obligatory “How have you been?” message once in a while. I have a couple prime examples…

I had a friend from my waitressing days. We got on really well, always had fun and she became my first housemate. We worked completely different hours (I was in corporate, she was still in the restaurant industry) so we saw just enough of each other. She then had a terrible car accident and spent the next 5 months in (a government) hospital. I visited a couple times a week, supported her and did what friends do. During this time, the new relationship with her boyfriend (now husband) grew and she moved in with him a couple months after she finally got released from hospital. It was a happy time for all, though her parents realised they were losing control of her life (they were crazy controlling, even has full access to her bank accounts so they could monitor what she spent her money on!!). I’d message her every couple months and we’d get together for dinner and a catch up. She asked me to be a bridesmaid. She then told me her mother had decided the wedding was family only so I was uninvited. I then saw on Facebook that she was “really looking forward to her hen’s party with all her special friends”. I was not included. Cue stab to the heart and twist that knife! So that was that… If I wasn’t part of her life anymore, then I would reciprocate in kind and deleted her. Looking back, she was fun at a time when we didn’t have too much responsibility and were just starting out, but I moved on. She stayed there and stayed the person who was pushed around by her boss, her parents and her sister.  

Another friend is the kind of friend who moves from person to person every year or two. She becomes great friends with someone, you have a great time and then someone new appears. The current friendship eventually fizzles out and the pattern is repeated with the next person.  Obviously this happened to our friendship, but I don’t really mind. We were moving in different directions, old friends who I didn’t really like or get on with were resurfacing, so it was actually a blessing in disguise. We all have limited “fun time” and I want to spend it with people I really like and whose company I enjoy. I don’t want to sit there holding my tongue so that I don’t upset anyone by saying what I really think.

Then there are the friends you will have forever. Thelma and I have been friends since we were little. It didn’t start that way… we met at nursery school when we were 4. I was apparently mean to her because she was so funny looking – kids can be so mean!! We went to the same primary school and also had a lift club - we lived 500m apart. Somehow we became very close in high school, even though we were at different schools. We became partners in crime, got up to ALL sorts of things… smoking drinking, boys… the usual teenage stuff. The rest of the story is in my “What If ?” post. We are still great friends and talk often. We’ve had two really big fights (my fault completely) and have gotten past them. Despite our very different lives, we have enough in common (not just a history) to still stay close. We are still great friends and I think we will be for another 30 years!

Friends do come and go. The trick is to find the ones who will be there for you and who you want to be there for. They’re not all the same and all bring something different to the table. This is what keeps it interesting. There comes a point when you realise who really matters, who never did, and who always will.